(no subject)
so i don't want to go to college, i don't want to live in charleston, and i don't want to major in religion (i highly doubt i will minor in it either). i know i had a peace about going at the time i made the decision and don't feel that God is telling me it's wrong...but i do feel that it will be harder and more excruciating than i ever imagined. it will take extreme faith and i know God will teach me tons about dependence on Him.
i don't see the point in leaving. my dad works with the south carolina association so they send him to charleston a lot and he works closely with pastors and people that want to plant churches there....there's not anything going on. he told me there was one baptist church that does a lot of missions work but that the crowd there is older adults and families, so i'll check it out but it doesn't sound like much of a match. there is one church called seacoast that is similar to csf in musical and teaching styles...but it has a trillion satellite churches that don't have teaching pastors, the satellites have to watch the pastor from the main campus on a screen and i'm not sure that i agree with that...why have your face on a screen in 7 different churches when you could equip other leaders to provide a more real and in-person experience? no church is perfect, and i don't expect to find one that is...csf isn't perfect...but i would like to be able to serve in a place where i fit and am passionate about the purpose and the people...
because of this unhappy fact i thought maybe i would be able to serve in charleston southern's wednesday night student service...but then of course the bands are chosen a year in advance and i have missed my chance...i contacted the leader guy and he said i could maybe fill in for someone every once in a while, but that is so not as amazing as being totally committed to worship.
so as you can probably conclude from the two preceding paragraphs, my biggest fear is being useless...and i have this nauseating feeling that this fear is what God is going to have me live through for a while.
when i love doing and serving and being busy and on the go, and when i would rather stay in charlotte and serve in the network here and learn from my dad, and when all i want to do is play worship for people, and when all i want to do is do do do--i know i am not fully dependent on God and that this is my biggest weakness...and that while i'm on my own and separated from people i love and without a plan and blind as to my purpose, i will become a stretch armstrong toy in God's hands.
it's so hard when my family and emily and sara and my roots are here, and when i could take communications and music classes here, and when i could be involved in amazing life changing ministries here...everything i want is right in front of me, i can touch it...and everything i don't see the point in is two and a half hours away, in a few white buildings, in a field right off the interstate.
starting over in a strage world where i don't even want to be is not my friend. the trick will be to let God do what He wants to do, and not just so i can go back to doing my own thing...i know God wants to accomplish big things through me and that there are huge things in store if i will allow Him to teach me...but that whole process is going to be poop.
i don't see the point in leaving. my dad works with the south carolina association so they send him to charleston a lot and he works closely with pastors and people that want to plant churches there....there's not anything going on. he told me there was one baptist church that does a lot of missions work but that the crowd there is older adults and families, so i'll check it out but it doesn't sound like much of a match. there is one church called seacoast that is similar to csf in musical and teaching styles...but it has a trillion satellite churches that don't have teaching pastors, the satellites have to watch the pastor from the main campus on a screen and i'm not sure that i agree with that...why have your face on a screen in 7 different churches when you could equip other leaders to provide a more real and in-person experience? no church is perfect, and i don't expect to find one that is...csf isn't perfect...but i would like to be able to serve in a place where i fit and am passionate about the purpose and the people...
because of this unhappy fact i thought maybe i would be able to serve in charleston southern's wednesday night student service...but then of course the bands are chosen a year in advance and i have missed my chance...i contacted the leader guy and he said i could maybe fill in for someone every once in a while, but that is so not as amazing as being totally committed to worship.
so as you can probably conclude from the two preceding paragraphs, my biggest fear is being useless...and i have this nauseating feeling that this fear is what God is going to have me live through for a while.
when i love doing and serving and being busy and on the go, and when i would rather stay in charlotte and serve in the network here and learn from my dad, and when all i want to do is play worship for people, and when all i want to do is do do do--i know i am not fully dependent on God and that this is my biggest weakness...and that while i'm on my own and separated from people i love and without a plan and blind as to my purpose, i will become a stretch armstrong toy in God's hands.
it's so hard when my family and emily and sara and my roots are here, and when i could take communications and music classes here, and when i could be involved in amazing life changing ministries here...everything i want is right in front of me, i can touch it...and everything i don't see the point in is two and a half hours away, in a few white buildings, in a field right off the interstate.
starting over in a strage world where i don't even want to be is not my friend. the trick will be to let God do what He wants to do, and not just so i can go back to doing my own thing...i know God wants to accomplish big things through me and that there are huge things in store if i will allow Him to teach me...but that whole process is going to be poop.