(no subject)
nine hours of arithmetic and stealing glances at joyce. want to be oh-vur. fanta commercials are insufferable. pop flavors are NOT race specific. i hate personal metaphors. you should understand this but you do not and when you do not and question it which you should not question it it is met with reticence or annoyance and a smug yes you do not know this you wouldn't know this. [insert here and i cannot describe your feelings i cannot describe my feelings but] then a why or a guess which is wrong and worse.
i want to go to the bookstore tomorrow but i won't because i must be a sweatshop slave to the numbers. i was reading this forum thing and someone said americans sound similar to the irish. also i am wanting more cookies. carb-free chocolate chip cookies. they are empty like safeway but generally yummy if you can't find/have anything else.
i stayed up until four and it wasn't because i was talking to anyone so there is not excuse. my amazonmodel cousin wants to see me when i move closer to her. her sister will be there a week after i move. we can sit in a corner and be the only fat girls in beverly hills. it will be grand. i was having a dream but forced myself to get up, and was thinking yes i am waking up and yes this is good because it was heading towards a bad dream but i want to remember now because i was interested. am starting to not care about remembering and giving up easily after cliff gripping pieces of time. i like when i've bitten my nails to far and i let my hand fall and i feel it healing and throbbing and imagine it growing back. i am like an abusive parent with my fingernails. i'm never going to be a proper girl with short fingernails. or bow legs! i have nazi legs! each leg is named hitler iswear! j.s. asks me if my knees are locked all the time and they aren't, zeig heil! i wish i thought about anything. instead of wishing about thinking. i'm not so good. am reading rimbaud [see: i am such a failure!] sometimes he applies to me i think but am not looking at it correctly.