(no subject)
i wouldnt be surprized if i would wake up tomorrow bald, i am so stressed out.
i really fucking miss going to all of little leagues shows and being wes's biggest suporter.
back on topic..yeah i get stressed out over things that i really shouldnt but there are somethings that i just cant help but freaking out over...like things involving food. Ok so i still really suck at the whole eating normally thing. I do ok at my house, at my table in my chair but when you throw me into an enviroment like a fast food resturant i get terrified. The tables are so small and the food isnt in my bowls and im not using my utensils. So of course i start doing my whole move-around-as-much-as-i-can-so-i-can-burn-more-calories-thing, eat slower than i normally do, which is already slow. I just et so scared when i eat somewhere or somthing different. I dont know, i really dont think anyone will understand this except people with eating disorders. So yeah i make myself look stupid but i cant help it and i wish i could just not have an eating disorder for one night and go out to dinner with my boy and not have to worry about the food at all.
anyway, i miss murder by death when they were still little joe gould.
yeah this reminds me of the time i told my therapist about how i want to be able to eat cake at my wedding and i made her cry. its detailed so i dont want to go into it and of course at the time i was bullshitting her compleatly.
you know what? im just going to keep typing because i have no one to talk to about this. its funny how i dont even like the reuinion show that much and they make me so happy. its the keyboards. they make me want to dance and love and kiss and be happy, much like belle and sebastian.
i have a feeling this will be a long ramble entry...
get up kids make me so happy also, its the effin keyboards. i really want eric to call me back.
If it was 80 degrees out for just a half an hour i would be so incredibly happy.
i miss ivisits like woah.
but like brenda i an so happy with my life right now, if that is understandable.
oh yeah and people can forget about me in 24 hours when they mean the world to me.
blahblahblah i wish someone would pick me up right now and drive me to florida and sing to me the whole way there. but wait this is reality and it sucks.
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i am now offically pissed off. im upset to the point where i want to vomit and i am upset fora stupid reason. ok so mayhe this isnt worth all the stress.. i want to cry with someone and not have to tell them why i cam crying and for them to hold me and understand, but again this is reality and ali doesnt deserve things like that.
i really fucking miss going to all of little leagues shows and being wes's biggest suporter.
back on topic..yeah i get stressed out over things that i really shouldnt but there are somethings that i just cant help but freaking out over...like things involving food. Ok so i still really suck at the whole eating normally thing. I do ok at my house, at my table in my chair but when you throw me into an enviroment like a fast food resturant i get terrified. The tables are so small and the food isnt in my bowls and im not using my utensils. So of course i start doing my whole move-around-as-much-as-i-can-so-i-can-burn-more-calories-thing, eat slower than i normally do, which is already slow. I just et so scared when i eat somewhere or somthing different. I dont know, i really dont think anyone will understand this except people with eating disorders. So yeah i make myself look stupid but i cant help it and i wish i could just not have an eating disorder for one night and go out to dinner with my boy and not have to worry about the food at all.
anyway, i miss murder by death when they were still little joe gould.
yeah this reminds me of the time i told my therapist about how i want to be able to eat cake at my wedding and i made her cry. its detailed so i dont want to go into it and of course at the time i was bullshitting her compleatly.
you know what? im just going to keep typing because i have no one to talk to about this. its funny how i dont even like the reuinion show that much and they make me so happy. its the keyboards. they make me want to dance and love and kiss and be happy, much like belle and sebastian.
i have a feeling this will be a long ramble entry...
get up kids make me so happy also, its the effin keyboards. i really want eric to call me back.
If it was 80 degrees out for just a half an hour i would be so incredibly happy.
i miss ivisits like woah.
but like brenda i an so happy with my life right now, if that is understandable.
oh yeah and people can forget about me in 24 hours when they mean the world to me.
blahblahblah i wish someone would pick me up right now and drive me to florida and sing to me the whole way there. but wait this is reality and it sucks.
---------
i am now offically pissed off. im upset to the point where i want to vomit and i am upset fora stupid reason. ok so mayhe this isnt worth all the stress.. i want to cry with someone and not have to tell them why i cam crying and for them to hold me and understand, but again this is reality and ali doesnt deserve things like that.