Really now...

[pecosita]

Why do I let myself get so twisted up inside over things that other people obviously dont think are a big deal? Why do I get so fucking attached to people who could either take me or leave me? Just once I want to be on the other end. For someone to need me. I think I'd be a vindictive bitch too and completely ditch them. I'd make it as painful as possible too. Not that thats the right thing to do, it's just what I probably would do. Id listen to them cry on the phone and it just might make me feel better. Hopefully. I dont know what would make me feel better, i'm just throwin this out there. But really, doesnt it make you feel better to be mean and vicious when you feel that you've been wronged? Why is that? It's a negative pay it forward- type idea. I'm miserable, lets make everyone else miserable too. As scared as I am, I cant wait to get out of here, so maybe I wont think about everything as much. It'll stop it from being real if I'm not here. This whole place wont be real anymore. Mexico will be the real place. Or wherever I go...it doesnt matter at all, really. I just dont want this to be real anymore.
-Sara