fucking around, but this time with THOUGHTS
Another day off, another day spent fucking around. !!!
I feel weird sometimes. You ever get that feeling that, somewhere along the way, you died and you just didn't know it. And then you dwell on it (this always happens when you're alone, and probably trying to fall asleep), and things start to feel more and more surreal, almost ephemeral, until someone gives you a big hug and you can feel them, solid, in your arms, and your life is reaffirmed for the time being. I've been getting that more and more, mostly while driving to and from work. Not always, just often enough.
Sometimes, I'm sitting here in my bedroom, alone, Brian's at work or someplace where I'm not, and maybe I'm alone in the house or everybody's downstairs doing their own thing and I just feel alone, and chances are good that I'm sitting at my computer, probably reading Bunny because that's what I do when I'm feeling a little down and I'm sitting at my computer, and then I look over and I see the little Wizard of Oz music box, and a smile begins to form on my lips. I pick it up and turn the little crank, and of course it plays "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", and I listen to it, and joy just starts to well up in my heart. Maybe not so much joy as hope. It doesn't matter. Because the depression and the desolation just start to leak away. They never really completely leave, but they melt a little, so instead of having this big 'ol snowman of unhappy in my brain, I've got a snowball, which takes up a lot less room and is therefore easier to ignore. I like that.
But I'm doing okay today. Brian should be getting off work in about an hour or so, and I'm still in my jammies, so I should probably go take a shower and all that before I see him.
/endpost
I feel weird sometimes. You ever get that feeling that, somewhere along the way, you died and you just didn't know it. And then you dwell on it (this always happens when you're alone, and probably trying to fall asleep), and things start to feel more and more surreal, almost ephemeral, until someone gives you a big hug and you can feel them, solid, in your arms, and your life is reaffirmed for the time being. I've been getting that more and more, mostly while driving to and from work. Not always, just often enough.
Sometimes, I'm sitting here in my bedroom, alone, Brian's at work or someplace where I'm not, and maybe I'm alone in the house or everybody's downstairs doing their own thing and I just feel alone, and chances are good that I'm sitting at my computer, probably reading Bunny because that's what I do when I'm feeling a little down and I'm sitting at my computer, and then I look over and I see the little Wizard of Oz music box, and a smile begins to form on my lips. I pick it up and turn the little crank, and of course it plays "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", and I listen to it, and joy just starts to well up in my heart. Maybe not so much joy as hope. It doesn't matter. Because the depression and the desolation just start to leak away. They never really completely leave, but they melt a little, so instead of having this big 'ol snowman of unhappy in my brain, I've got a snowball, which takes up a lot less room and is therefore easier to ignore. I like that.
But I'm doing okay today. Brian should be getting off work in about an hour or so, and I'm still in my jammies, so I should probably go take a shower and all that before I see him.
/endpost