Mum reckons I'm one of those people who could get off on murder charges by claiming PMS.
THURSDAY:
Was there a massive city-wide party yesterday I don't know about? Everyone was lookin a little rough on the tube round noon. It's one thing when it's 9am and everyone's kinda asleep in their coffee, but at NOON, everyone on the tube was either dozing off, repeatedly sighing with discomfort, or generally looking dazed. It was quite a sight, I just wish I knew what it was about.
I was on my way into the city for another day of nothing. The Welsh Guards were on parade in Covent Garden. And by 'on parade' I mean there was a group of them and they were walking. I watched some street performers and have, with the addition of today's performances, started to recognize a good chunk of the usuals. None are very funny but all are quite adept at juggling various objects. I spent a good long while in Neros filling out my work paperwork retardedly (ie, filling out one section I didn't need to), finishing my anorexia book, and reading a massive ass chunk of my HI-larious Bill Bryson book cuz I just couldn't put it down. I just kept saying "Ok, one more chapter..." But it's so hard to put down when you're laughing out loud, for example, when reading the paragraph about how the British would've done Communism better cuz most of it is in their nature. "They will queue patiently for indefinite periods and accept with rare fortitude the imposition of rationing, bland diets, and sudden inconvenient shortages of staple goods, as anyone who has ever looked for bread at a supermarket on a Saturday afternoon will know." There's much more but oh my god, even on a Friday afternoon you can't find bread at Sainsbury's!
I went over to Waterstones to waste some time and after this visit feel quite comfortable there again. The first few times I was a bit wary I might run into Peter, my grandfather/suitor, again, and I wasn't too keen to revisit that if I'm being honest. But now I'm pretty sure I won't, and I spend large amounts of time there, pretending it's a library and reading whole chunks of books in the warm indoors. They had the best sign ever on the door by the way: "This door is simply closed to keep the cold out. We apologize for the inconvenience." HA, the inconvenience of having to push lightly on a door to get into a building. I laugh, but I did walk up and think "Why is this door closed?"
Eventually I decided to come home and nearly committed murder on the bus. There were three guys insisting on conversing even though one was near the front of the bus, one was at the back, and one was sitting next to me. Get that? ONE WAS SITTING NEXT TO ME. Yelling. And being awkwardly in my personal bubble. And talking nonstop. I don't know WHAT they could have been talking about (they were speaking a foreign language if that wasn't clear) because all three were just BABBLING for like HALF AN HOUR NON.STOP. At some point, maybe around St. Johns Wood, I thought "If they don't get off at the next stop, I'm going to have to get off cuz someone is going to get hurt." They did, lucky for them, and I continued home. Did a massive, delirious shop at Sainsburys and ate hummus and veggies and rice and watched telly.
Second episode of Freezing (Tom Hollander's show):
-He's so little and fab!
-Oh my god, even things that aren't funny for any reason, he makes funny. He was just yelling "I'VE GOT NO RECEPTION!" and I was hysterical.
-"Anthony Head is doing a new Mamet at the Donmar. A new Mamet and there's actually a woman in it!" BEST. EVER. If the writing was always that spot on, this show would be GOLD.
-Again, why is this so freaking funny? [Bamber Jones is coming over for dinner]
Elizabeth: I'm off to go food shopping for Bamber Jones.
Tom Hollander: Does Elizabeth go food shopping for Bamber Jones as a way of earning extra money?
-Giving Matt his phone to call Gordon Ramsey while he's watching football:
Matt: Hello, is that Gordon Ramsey? No it's not Leon actually--
Tom Hollander: (Yelling while still watching tv) Your recipe doesn't work mate! Tell him from me. He's a cocksucker.
-Captain Darling! What happened!? And I thought Tom Hollander had aged!
-It's a bit weird cuz some people are playing themselves but I recognize the people that AREN'T. Like Tom Hollander and Lizzie Bunton from Extras and Ben Miles. But then like Richard E. Grant and Joely Richardson come in playing themselves and I get all confused. I did quite like the in-joke from last episode, where Hugh Bonneville confused Richard E. Grant for Hugh Grant and said he loved him in Notting Hill, which of course Hugh Bonneville was in.
FRIDAY:
Today I woke up and in a sort of psychotic blackout cut bangs for myself. I suppose it's good that when I get these anxious, nutty feelings all I do is cut my hair, and don't like, turn to meth or something. Anyway, I quite like the look, and since I have to blow dry and straighten my hair all the time now, there's no reason not to have them.
Bout 12:30ish I headed into the city and played phone tag with Kavitha for what seemed like several hours. I'd missed her initial phone call for some reason and then couldn't seem to find a quiet side street to call her back or hear my phone AGAIN when she called me back. But eventually I ducked into one of those alleys between Charring Cross and St. Martins and got all my business sorted and then had a victory chai and headed to Covent Garden. I suppose I should mention here a sort of 'also-ran' to my list of prospects, which famously include the drunken anti-semite, the toothless Albanian, and the old old man who preys on people innocently browsing the fiction section in Waterstones. I was crossing the street and when I stepped up onto the curb, what was almost definitely a bum, possibly one of the crazy ones (who looked like he'd be named Bert or something), I suppose 'leered' would be the best adjective here; and said "You are sexy." So, James, the drunk anti-semite; Tony 2 and his toothless friends; Peter, my grandfather; and 'Bert', the mental homeless.
And apparently Matt's quit rowing and gone down a shame spiral (and simultaneously, a drinking one), so I missed my chance there. No matter, Katie says Jamie has plenty of friends to pawn me off on, and I organized a group outing for them and my tba date and I to go see Russell Howard in March. If all went to plan, I'd be leaving with Russell Howard, but perhaps Matt V.2 won't be so bad either.
So I shook off the creepiness of 'Bert' and went to hang in Covent Garden watching the street performers. I was quite interested to see the guy get himself out of the ginormous chain and straight jacket, but when rain looked imminent, I scurried to the safety and warmth of Waterstones. I stayed there for a good long while. You know how they have those penguin classics that are like extended excerpts of books? They had one of those for Regeneration, so I sat down and read the whole thing, it was like 30 pages or something. If anyone out there hasn't read Regeneration (the full version, not the penguin excerpt), you have to read it. It's so good for so many reasons, it's one of those books that you go through underlining every other line cuz it's just so eloquent and illuminating and brilliant; and I just love the way the relationships are done, I'm just kind of in awe of it. Makes me want to give The Eye in the Door another go cuz Prior was so excellently created in the first book. Oh speaking of books too, there was a book about the execution of deserters in WWI and I looked at the picture insert to see if there might be pictures of the execution cells and the execution post I saw in Poperinge, and they had pictures of both. It was really weird to see them and think I'd been IN the cell, I don't know why, since I'd opened the book with the intention of finding the pictures. Anyway, creepy kinda. I also spent awhile reading a HI-larious book called Welcome to the Working Week. It's told as a series of emails and it is REALLY funny, I was laughing out loud as I was reading it.
After that I met Katie at Pitcher and Piano and we decided to go to Chiquito since everywhere was packed and Chiquito never lets us down. We did have to wait a bit, but it was ok cuz Katie told me about her new flatmate that she stumbled upon yesterday: He's 45. Has a mullet. A handlebar mustache. He's Scottish and seems to respond to most questions with a grunt. His name is Lindsay.
I actually fell over when she got to the part about his name being Lindsay. We shall see how this develops. Seems slightly more sinister/less comical than P, but then again, who wouldn't be? Anywho, had nummy dinner and decided it must be a full moon or something cuz we'd both been feeling uncharacteristically manic all week. Then it was on to our favourite bar, the New Player's Theatre. We couldn't figure out WHY we're so obsessed with it, but sorta decided it's cuz it's so bizarre; it's not like going to any old pub, it's just... unique I suppose is a good word. People were queuing up for MILES to get into Heaven, the nightclub across the way. We couldn't figure that out; Katie even grilled the security staff: "It's just a nightclub? There's no one special performing or anything?" We had a total O.C. moment at that point, alternately playing the role of Summer. Katie, still trying to figure out the Heaven situation: "I mean I guess if you're on the VIP list or something..." and then me, returning from the bathroom:
Me: Why didn't you tell my I look like Rudolph??
Katie: I didn't even notice.
Me: (agitated, gesturing) My whole nose area is BRIGHT RED.
It really comes down to tone. I like to think that people passing by who only hear those little snippets of conversation must get a bit of a laugh from it.
Bout 10:30 we headed home, but not before this ridiculous conversation:
Katie: ... but it's ok, cuz I'll see you tomorrow.
Me: You act like I've been out at sea on some extended voyage.
Katie: A maiden voyage... What is a maiden voyage?
Me: It's a first trip, of a boat. Why, when have you had occasion to use it?
Katie: Oh, never. It just sounds nicer. More romantic, like a woman. You know, 'maiden'.
Me: Yes, maiden is another word for woman.
That's all I've got then. Ta.