A smile through the water
Author: pearlstar178
Written for: The very talented crazywriter10 who asked for water and a broken bone.
Fandom: AOS
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Characters/Pairings: Spock/ Kirk
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Trek
Summary As the relationship between the captain and his first officer progress they celebrate a significant anniversary in a unique fashion.
A/N: This is beyond late and for that I am so very sorry.
Jim dreams of the ocean approximately 2.78 times a month. The exact number is difficult for Spock to calculate because Jim does not always remember his dreams and Spock does not always share in them.
For years, almost the entirety of his childhood, Spock had believed that Vulcans did not dream. Now, at thirty, he is unsure as to where he acquired this knowledge. It was most surely written somewhere in the archives on Vulcan or perhaps whispered behind his back by his peers. Regardless of it’s origin it was a fact that Spock held close to him; Vulcans did not dream but humans did.
So of course did Spock.
It was one of his earliest shames. When he would wake up gasping for breath on the tail edge of a nightmare Spock was terrified that somehow others would know that even his subconscious betrayed him.
He never told anyone about his dreams as a child, not even his mother.-- though he supposed she knew all along. The glass of hot tea that would magically appear on his nightstand or the PADD programmed with old Terran cartoons that would be lying on his pillow next to him was a testament to that. She never let on and he never thanked her.
Later, after Nero and during the long ride back to Earth, Spock had shared quarters with his father for the first time in his life. Sarek handled a broken bond in much the same way as all Vulcan with lots of deep mediation. He also slept an alarming amount. It worried Spock to the point that he took to watching his father and studying his face. Once, the night before they reached Earth, Spock watched as Sarek’s face became illuminated.
“My beloved ashayam. Amanda.” He whispered turning over to face the wall.
It was then that Spock realized that perhaps he did not fully know all that he believed he knew.
+++++++++++++++
Spock has always known that Jim dreamed. He had watched Jim as his Captain talk in his sleep and fight off nightmares months before he watched Jim sleep as an exhausted lover. This made Spock reluctant to sleep with him.
He had felt it necessary to explain this reluctance to Jim who would unlikely take it as a reflection upon himself. Spock chooses a moment before they retire for the evening, a moment when they are still clothed, to explain his position to Jim.
“ If we sustain close contact for prolonged periods of time I may unintentionally share your consciousness.”
“Wait.” Jim says, pausing in his nighttime ritual of fluffing his pillows.
“Are you saying that if we sleep next to each other you’ll be able to see my dreams?”
“Affirmative.”
“You just want to see if I dream about you don’t you?” Jim asks with a smirk as he pulls Spock flush against his body.
“I don’t do things halfway Spock. You’re welcome to join me up here anytime that you want.” He says gesturing to his head.
“I trust you.”
If only Spock trusted himself.
Their relationship is such that Spock does not always allow Jim into his room, a place that hums with duality -so obliviously not human and so obviously not quite Vulcan. Nor is it such that Jim always feels confident enough to invite Spock to his quartets - this would mean eliminating all escape routes and backup plans for the night. Whatever was written in the stars, destiny and life paths , they weren’t quite there yet.
Even so they swim together in their dreams and it is s more than Spock had ever hoped for.
Many people, perhaps the Captain included believed that Spock couldn’t swim. That like all Vulcans Spock hated water. Spock knows how to swim of course. He attended the academy and was subjected to the same rules and regulations for officers as the rest of the crew. His is ranked with proficiency in basic nautical survival skills. After his final proficiency test he never once stepped into an ocean, lake, pool, or any large body of water.
A truth that he did not often share was that he learned how to swim much earlier than the academy. Spock’s mother taught him how to swim at the Terran embassy when he was four. It was not, as Jim was say, good times. The building had housed a large swimming pool that was so very cold. Spock had never really liked going there. It was loud, the people were overly demonstrative. For a species that perceived nothing psychic from contact humans did enjoy touching. It was illogical.
To reach the embassy from their house Spock and his mother would have to travel for twenty minutes. For Spock at four this was an unnecessarily long trip.
Amanda had loved the pool. She would swim long graceful stokes, cutting through the water at an alarming rate while Spock would sit on the edge, toes barely dipped into the cold.
Many things came naturally to Spock, swimming was not one of them. It took weeks of practice before he was able to sufficiently master the art of breathing when submerged in the cold and wet. His mother had been beyond patient with him. Underwater would smiles at him and giggle while making silly faces. Her muffled underwater laughs haunt his dreams as an adult. She always smiled the most when underwater.
They would play a game where they would sit underwater and say things to each other. She called it telephone. Apparently it was a game his mother had played on Earth as a child. She would sit on the floor of the pool and make silly faces and say secret messages like, “ I love you Spock. You are a fantastic boy.” The point was to try and decipher the message through the water. For Spock this was easy. He always understood what his mother was saying. Vulcan hearing was much better than a humans, even underwater. She would stick out he tongue at him and laugh until she had to surface for air.
He tired hard to find the game illogical. If asked Spock would say he hated the water.
Yet sometimes Spock swims in the oceans of Jim’s mind. These are the times that he feels the most at peace. The water Jim dreams of is both cool and warm. It’s an iridescent green that feels so incredibly right that Spock wakes up satisfied, with limbs entangled with Jim’s. Jim dreams of oceans that vast and have strong tides that pull him close to the other man. Tides so strong that no matter how far they drift from each other they end up back again.
They always swim side to side, using broad sweeping strokes. Jim will lace his fingers into Spock’s and pulls him close. Spock will float, his body locked with Jim. They will breathe in and out through each other and for each other.
The sensations of the dream are so strong that they stay with Spock throughout the day. On those days he uses the water setting on the shower forgoing his usual sonics. He’s never sure if Jim knows this, it is one of many things that they do not speak of, just simply understand.
On rare mornings they wake up in the tangles of each other’s limbs Spock can taste the salt on Jim’s lips.
+++++++++++++++++++
A year passes aboard the Enterprise and everything changes.
There is a deep sense of foreboding before the mission to Ickias IV and it has nothing to do with the trade arrangement. The way the mission ends is worse than they expected. The away team learns first hand the potency of Ickanian arrows. Six of them go down including Spock and the Captain and only four of them come back. Spock is beamed directly to sickbay.
It’s close, closer than any of them are comfortable admitting. Spock is unable to maintain a healing trace for the first day, and when he does it is shallow and incomplete. The toxins in his system compromise the very core of his existence, scramble him up a bit, diluting both is Vulcan strength and his human resistance. The arrow wound in his side mends but his ankle that was shattered is agonizingly slow to heal. In the end Spock is more relent on McCoy and his skills than every before. The good doctor is a constant campaign for his stay in sickbay. The time that he is there is a time that Spock would rather have spent alone in deep mediation. Alone is something that he is not, it has taken a year aboard the Enterprise for him to come to this realization. It is not as if they are friends, Spock and McCoy. They bicker in a way that is more hateful than most, they cut each other with words-- knowing exactly where to poke and draw blood. At the same time they are closer than blood, brothers that would gladly die for each other. Still, Spock is glad to be released from sickbay.
There are of course conditions.
“ Dr. McCoy these are not my boots.” Spock says examining the monstrosities that McCoy has presented him with. The are big and brown and shaped like moose. Jim , who is watching from a safe distance, is unable to keep his smirk to himself.
“Dam right they’re not. It’s these or nothing at all Mr. Spock and I wouldn’t want those delicate Vulcan feet of your’s getting cold.”
“Doctor these are not regulation. It would be improper for me to be seen by the crew wearing these.”
McCoy’s eyebrows become acrobatic. “ What wouldn’t be proper Mr. Spock would be for you to walk around barefoot in the halls. These are your only other option.”
“Come on Spock I think they’re you , really.” Jim says smiling.
McCoy gently slips the fuzzy moose head shaped slippers of Spock’s feet. They are extremely warm and soft. The material gives easily as McCoy gently maneuvers Spock ankle into the warmth. It’s still very swollen and he wouldn’t be able to get a boot over it. It takes control for him not to gasp as McCoy bends it.
Through the skin to skin contact with the doctor Spock receives the mental image of a small curly haired girl. She is giving the doctor a present, the slippers. “To keep your feet warm daddy.” she says. This was years ago. McCoy has never warn the slippers but not because the are ridiculous. Spock accepts them without further complaint.
Without a word Jim accompanies Spock back to his quarters. It is far too soon for him to be left unsupervised for long periods of time. The toxins in his blood leave him prone to extreme fatigue as well as having compromised his immune system.
Spock limps more than slightly , unable to put more than a small fraction of his weight on his right side. Jim supports him with a hand around his waist and does not comment when Spock slows down and hops a little to keep the pressure off of his ankle. Spock is grateful that it is late enough that the hallways are empty.
They do not talk much at all. What needs to be said can not be, therefore the silence is preferable.
Once inside Spock’s cabin Jim springs to life helping Spock get into bed, getting him some tea, blabbering non stop about nothing in particular. The tension in Jim’s nervous energy is exhausting.
“Bones gave me an extra hypo of his special Spock safe pain medication. Do you need it?”
The look Jim gives him is so penetrating that he closes his eyes for a moment to truly asses his condition.He feels disconnected no doubt form the lingering effects of the toxin, less sure of reality then he will ever admit to. The pain in his leg is an ever present ache. There is another hurt there deep within him however, he needs his physical pain for tonight at least.
“ I am not in need of the good doctors potions at this time. I simply require rest.”
Spock does not realize Jim plans on staying the night until he takes his shirt of and folds it neatly on the chair besides the bed. He pants are discarded as well before he silently and very gently slides in next to Spock. Their sides of the bed are switched because Spock’s ankle can’t be disturbed. Spock doesn’t intend to fall asleep so quickly; he shouldn’t but he does.
That night they swim. All illusion that Jim is less than aware of what they do in their dreams is shattered when Spock sees him waiting by the edge of the water.
“ Oh thank God. I wasn’t sure if you’d come.” Jim says with a relieved smile.
“ I was unaware that you were cognizant of our activities within your dream or that you were able to control what happens in your subconscious mind.”
“ I told you Spock whatever you need, whatever is natural for you. I don't do things halfway." Jim turns his head to the side and is silent for a moment.
"And who says that this is my mind we’re in?” Jim's smile lights up the coastline.
The vast ocean shifts and they are standing in the shallow end of the swimming pool at the Terran Embassy on Vulcan.
Jim is not the least bit surprised by the change in scenery and looks expectantly at Spock.
Spock is also not terribly surprised by their location.
In his head Spock counts to three and sinks under the water, Jim follows.
They cross their legs and sit on the bottom of the pool. There is no need to breathe. Here it is simple. There is nothing but the two of them and nothing but time.
“I so glad you’re okay.” Jim says through a string of bubbles. “ I’m so sorry Spock.”
Spock reaches for his hands and gently traces his index finger of Jim’s. The water amplifies the sensation.
It is so very pleasing.
Here under water he could say anything and it would be up to Jim to interpret it. He could say anything he wanted because he was dreaming. He says nothing.
Together they sit in silence touching and being touched.
There are things that they do not speak of yet pass between them in the water. For instance: Spock hates the water, Spock doesn’t dream, exactly one year ago today Spock‘s mother died and he was unable to save her.
Vulcan is gone and Spock and Jim will never swim at this pool.
It has been a very long year.
Jim crosses his eyes and sticks out his tongue; they both laugh.
The sound vibrates through their shared consciousness.
Through the water Spock mouths a message meant for only Jim to see.
Written for: The very talented crazywriter10 who asked for water and a broken bone.
Fandom: AOS
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Characters/Pairings: Spock/ Kirk
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Trek
Summary As the relationship between the captain and his first officer progress they celebrate a significant anniversary in a unique fashion.
A/N: This is beyond late and for that I am so very sorry.
Jim dreams of the ocean approximately 2.78 times a month. The exact number is difficult for Spock to calculate because Jim does not always remember his dreams and Spock does not always share in them.
For years, almost the entirety of his childhood, Spock had believed that Vulcans did not dream. Now, at thirty, he is unsure as to where he acquired this knowledge. It was most surely written somewhere in the archives on Vulcan or perhaps whispered behind his back by his peers. Regardless of it’s origin it was a fact that Spock held close to him; Vulcans did not dream but humans did.
So of course did Spock.
It was one of his earliest shames. When he would wake up gasping for breath on the tail edge of a nightmare Spock was terrified that somehow others would know that even his subconscious betrayed him.
He never told anyone about his dreams as a child, not even his mother.-- though he supposed she knew all along. The glass of hot tea that would magically appear on his nightstand or the PADD programmed with old Terran cartoons that would be lying on his pillow next to him was a testament to that. She never let on and he never thanked her.
Later, after Nero and during the long ride back to Earth, Spock had shared quarters with his father for the first time in his life. Sarek handled a broken bond in much the same way as all Vulcan with lots of deep mediation. He also slept an alarming amount. It worried Spock to the point that he took to watching his father and studying his face. Once, the night before they reached Earth, Spock watched as Sarek’s face became illuminated.
“My beloved ashayam. Amanda.” He whispered turning over to face the wall.
It was then that Spock realized that perhaps he did not fully know all that he believed he knew.
+++++++++++++++
Spock has always known that Jim dreamed. He had watched Jim as his Captain talk in his sleep and fight off nightmares months before he watched Jim sleep as an exhausted lover. This made Spock reluctant to sleep with him.
He had felt it necessary to explain this reluctance to Jim who would unlikely take it as a reflection upon himself. Spock chooses a moment before they retire for the evening, a moment when they are still clothed, to explain his position to Jim.
“ If we sustain close contact for prolonged periods of time I may unintentionally share your consciousness.”
“Wait.” Jim says, pausing in his nighttime ritual of fluffing his pillows.
“Are you saying that if we sleep next to each other you’ll be able to see my dreams?”
“Affirmative.”
“You just want to see if I dream about you don’t you?” Jim asks with a smirk as he pulls Spock flush against his body.
“I don’t do things halfway Spock. You’re welcome to join me up here anytime that you want.” He says gesturing to his head.
“I trust you.”
If only Spock trusted himself.
Their relationship is such that Spock does not always allow Jim into his room, a place that hums with duality -so obliviously not human and so obviously not quite Vulcan. Nor is it such that Jim always feels confident enough to invite Spock to his quartets - this would mean eliminating all escape routes and backup plans for the night. Whatever was written in the stars, destiny and life paths , they weren’t quite there yet.
Even so they swim together in their dreams and it is s more than Spock had ever hoped for.
Many people, perhaps the Captain included believed that Spock couldn’t swim. That like all Vulcans Spock hated water. Spock knows how to swim of course. He attended the academy and was subjected to the same rules and regulations for officers as the rest of the crew. His is ranked with proficiency in basic nautical survival skills. After his final proficiency test he never once stepped into an ocean, lake, pool, or any large body of water.
A truth that he did not often share was that he learned how to swim much earlier than the academy. Spock’s mother taught him how to swim at the Terran embassy when he was four. It was not, as Jim was say, good times. The building had housed a large swimming pool that was so very cold. Spock had never really liked going there. It was loud, the people were overly demonstrative. For a species that perceived nothing psychic from contact humans did enjoy touching. It was illogical.
To reach the embassy from their house Spock and his mother would have to travel for twenty minutes. For Spock at four this was an unnecessarily long trip.
Amanda had loved the pool. She would swim long graceful stokes, cutting through the water at an alarming rate while Spock would sit on the edge, toes barely dipped into the cold.
Many things came naturally to Spock, swimming was not one of them. It took weeks of practice before he was able to sufficiently master the art of breathing when submerged in the cold and wet. His mother had been beyond patient with him. Underwater would smiles at him and giggle while making silly faces. Her muffled underwater laughs haunt his dreams as an adult. She always smiled the most when underwater.
They would play a game where they would sit underwater and say things to each other. She called it telephone. Apparently it was a game his mother had played on Earth as a child. She would sit on the floor of the pool and make silly faces and say secret messages like, “ I love you Spock. You are a fantastic boy.” The point was to try and decipher the message through the water. For Spock this was easy. He always understood what his mother was saying. Vulcan hearing was much better than a humans, even underwater. She would stick out he tongue at him and laugh until she had to surface for air.
He tired hard to find the game illogical. If asked Spock would say he hated the water.
Yet sometimes Spock swims in the oceans of Jim’s mind. These are the times that he feels the most at peace. The water Jim dreams of is both cool and warm. It’s an iridescent green that feels so incredibly right that Spock wakes up satisfied, with limbs entangled with Jim’s. Jim dreams of oceans that vast and have strong tides that pull him close to the other man. Tides so strong that no matter how far they drift from each other they end up back again.
They always swim side to side, using broad sweeping strokes. Jim will lace his fingers into Spock’s and pulls him close. Spock will float, his body locked with Jim. They will breathe in and out through each other and for each other.
The sensations of the dream are so strong that they stay with Spock throughout the day. On those days he uses the water setting on the shower forgoing his usual sonics. He’s never sure if Jim knows this, it is one of many things that they do not speak of, just simply understand.
On rare mornings they wake up in the tangles of each other’s limbs Spock can taste the salt on Jim’s lips.
+++++++++++++++++++
A year passes aboard the Enterprise and everything changes.
There is a deep sense of foreboding before the mission to Ickias IV and it has nothing to do with the trade arrangement. The way the mission ends is worse than they expected. The away team learns first hand the potency of Ickanian arrows. Six of them go down including Spock and the Captain and only four of them come back. Spock is beamed directly to sickbay.
It’s close, closer than any of them are comfortable admitting. Spock is unable to maintain a healing trace for the first day, and when he does it is shallow and incomplete. The toxins in his system compromise the very core of his existence, scramble him up a bit, diluting both is Vulcan strength and his human resistance. The arrow wound in his side mends but his ankle that was shattered is agonizingly slow to heal. In the end Spock is more relent on McCoy and his skills than every before. The good doctor is a constant campaign for his stay in sickbay. The time that he is there is a time that Spock would rather have spent alone in deep mediation. Alone is something that he is not, it has taken a year aboard the Enterprise for him to come to this realization. It is not as if they are friends, Spock and McCoy. They bicker in a way that is more hateful than most, they cut each other with words-- knowing exactly where to poke and draw blood. At the same time they are closer than blood, brothers that would gladly die for each other. Still, Spock is glad to be released from sickbay.
There are of course conditions.
“ Dr. McCoy these are not my boots.” Spock says examining the monstrosities that McCoy has presented him with. The are big and brown and shaped like moose. Jim , who is watching from a safe distance, is unable to keep his smirk to himself.
“Dam right they’re not. It’s these or nothing at all Mr. Spock and I wouldn’t want those delicate Vulcan feet of your’s getting cold.”
“Doctor these are not regulation. It would be improper for me to be seen by the crew wearing these.”
McCoy’s eyebrows become acrobatic. “ What wouldn’t be proper Mr. Spock would be for you to walk around barefoot in the halls. These are your only other option.”
“Come on Spock I think they’re you , really.” Jim says smiling.
McCoy gently slips the fuzzy moose head shaped slippers of Spock’s feet. They are extremely warm and soft. The material gives easily as McCoy gently maneuvers Spock ankle into the warmth. It’s still very swollen and he wouldn’t be able to get a boot over it. It takes control for him not to gasp as McCoy bends it.
Through the skin to skin contact with the doctor Spock receives the mental image of a small curly haired girl. She is giving the doctor a present, the slippers. “To keep your feet warm daddy.” she says. This was years ago. McCoy has never warn the slippers but not because the are ridiculous. Spock accepts them without further complaint.
Without a word Jim accompanies Spock back to his quarters. It is far too soon for him to be left unsupervised for long periods of time. The toxins in his blood leave him prone to extreme fatigue as well as having compromised his immune system.
Spock limps more than slightly , unable to put more than a small fraction of his weight on his right side. Jim supports him with a hand around his waist and does not comment when Spock slows down and hops a little to keep the pressure off of his ankle. Spock is grateful that it is late enough that the hallways are empty.
They do not talk much at all. What needs to be said can not be, therefore the silence is preferable.
Once inside Spock’s cabin Jim springs to life helping Spock get into bed, getting him some tea, blabbering non stop about nothing in particular. The tension in Jim’s nervous energy is exhausting.
“Bones gave me an extra hypo of his special Spock safe pain medication. Do you need it?”
The look Jim gives him is so penetrating that he closes his eyes for a moment to truly asses his condition.He feels disconnected no doubt form the lingering effects of the toxin, less sure of reality then he will ever admit to. The pain in his leg is an ever present ache. There is another hurt there deep within him however, he needs his physical pain for tonight at least.
“ I am not in need of the good doctors potions at this time. I simply require rest.”
Spock does not realize Jim plans on staying the night until he takes his shirt of and folds it neatly on the chair besides the bed. He pants are discarded as well before he silently and very gently slides in next to Spock. Their sides of the bed are switched because Spock’s ankle can’t be disturbed. Spock doesn’t intend to fall asleep so quickly; he shouldn’t but he does.
That night they swim. All illusion that Jim is less than aware of what they do in their dreams is shattered when Spock sees him waiting by the edge of the water.
“ Oh thank God. I wasn’t sure if you’d come.” Jim says with a relieved smile.
“ I was unaware that you were cognizant of our activities within your dream or that you were able to control what happens in your subconscious mind.”
“ I told you Spock whatever you need, whatever is natural for you. I don't do things halfway." Jim turns his head to the side and is silent for a moment.
"And who says that this is my mind we’re in?” Jim's smile lights up the coastline.
The vast ocean shifts and they are standing in the shallow end of the swimming pool at the Terran Embassy on Vulcan.
Jim is not the least bit surprised by the change in scenery and looks expectantly at Spock.
Spock is also not terribly surprised by their location.
In his head Spock counts to three and sinks under the water, Jim follows.
They cross their legs and sit on the bottom of the pool. There is no need to breathe. Here it is simple. There is nothing but the two of them and nothing but time.
“I so glad you’re okay.” Jim says through a string of bubbles. “ I’m so sorry Spock.”
Spock reaches for his hands and gently traces his index finger of Jim’s. The water amplifies the sensation.
It is so very pleasing.
Here under water he could say anything and it would be up to Jim to interpret it. He could say anything he wanted because he was dreaming. He says nothing.
Together they sit in silence touching and being touched.
There are things that they do not speak of yet pass between them in the water. For instance: Spock hates the water, Spock doesn’t dream, exactly one year ago today Spock‘s mother died and he was unable to save her.
Vulcan is gone and Spock and Jim will never swim at this pool.
It has been a very long year.
Jim crosses his eyes and sticks out his tongue; they both laugh.
The sound vibrates through their shared consciousness.
Through the water Spock mouths a message meant for only Jim to see.