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i hate this i hate this i hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my family is fucked up i want to die!!!! this is the worst day ive had in a LONG time and i am just so pissed off!!!!!!!!!! things were going GREAT at school... i thought that today was going to be nice! of course not! i get to track and were supposed to throw shotput so i get in line to throw... all the guys (ben and tyler p) were like get the hell out of my way and i was like o well theyre in a bad mood... and then its my turn and they were like ill tell you what you do wrong! i was like i dont need help from you! and so i throw it and jordan says... your elbow wasnt high enough and i couldnt give a shit about that and i told her that... i was like o well it doesnt matter, ive only been doing it for a week, ill get better... and ben was like its does matter and you did it all wrong! and i said fuck off i dont need that from you... and he was like get out of my way! i swear to god he thought he owned it or something! im so fucking sick of men like that who think they can do whatever the hell they wanna do and think that i wont do shit! so then i was like whatever im getting away from you jackasses and so i went to discus and it took FOREVER just for me to get a turn (but thats ok i was talking with ashley cole for the whole time and it was fun) and so i got my turn then i couldnt get another one before we left (yea i know... what a workout... run a lil and throw each once, yeehaw but w/e)and so then i went back and changed and my grandpa was already there and i had made plans to ask my mom to have vicki and poof over to watch the ring so i told my grandpa to wait while i called because i had to tell them if they were allowed over... so i called and was on the phone forever trying to get my mom to let them come over but NO she wasnt even doing shit... she skipped work and was shopping with her mother fucking gay ass boss, wayne who i have TRIED to like but i just cant... theres nothing to like! she went to work in the morning then went to lunch and never came back! she was out SHOPPING!! her excuse that they couldnt come over was that she didnt know whne she was gonna be home and that we have no food for company!!! well to tell you one thing... she couldve drove her ass down here and would have only left us alone for 30 mins and its not like you cant leave shopping! vickis been over here alone with me before and she didnt care but of course when i actually want to do something on a friday night for the first time IN THREE MONTHS she says no!!! i havent even tried to go out for a movie cuz i know our moneys low and i cant go see 5 dollar movies every friday night but for the first time in 3 months i want to have 2 people over and watch a movie that doesnt cost anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well then i was pissed but not as pissed as when i got in the car... vicki had went into the building for something and i was spposed to wait til she got out to tell her what happened but i didnt know where she was and my gpa was all pissed and went off on me too!!! he was like im sick of all this friend shit! first i have to drive one of your friends home without knowing and now i have to wait so goddamn long for your friend to show up!!! for one thing driving vicki home took like 2 extra mins because she lives so close and my "goddamn friends" are all that is keeping me from killing myself right now!!! so i went in the building and told jordan to tell vicki that my mom said no and that i ahd to leave... so on the way home we were fighting and he was saying how i shouldn tbe planning things on such short of notice but we have to see the movie tonight because were seeign the ring 2 next week and me vick and poof still havent seen the first one and i borrowed it and i dont wanna keep it too long!and my grandpa was saying how he didnt get it and shit like that... then i got home and i went inside to get a snack and we have plenty of shit to eat! brownies, mac n cheese, popcorn, snack stix, pudding, o yea mom we have no food whatsoever!! god she makes me so fucking mad... and i have to go to my dads this weekend! i swear to god im gonna kill myself i know it doesnt sound too bad but things are all shitty lately and i just want them to stop!!! i called my mom and said w/e we have food and you know it and its not like you cant stop shopping and drive out and after i was done *expressing myself* she said are you done yet? omg! she makes me feel so nice, im actually telling her whats wrong that she soooo badly wants me to do on any other day and today she treats me like shit... are you done crying yet? yes, i was crying on the phone and i know she knew and all she had to say is are you done yet? and then she says, im not your punching bag! youre going to be grounded! and i tell you, i need a punching bag, she told me to go punch a pillow or anything thats not alive... then she came up with a BRILLIANT IDEA she said go do your sit ups or put in a work out video YEA MOM THATS WHAT I NEED TO DO... I NEED TO GO WORK OUT BECUASE IM FAT IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE IN FAMILY ANYMORE... all of them keep hinting that im fat... if my grandma or grandpa sees me eatting at their house anything other than what they put in front of me they tell me to stop and go work out... or if im sitting down they say why dont you go work out or make comments about how im out of shape or that i eat too much! my dad once threatened that if i gained any more weight that he was going to make me run 25 miles a day until i was as skinny as he wanted me... hed point out chicks that he thought were fat and he said... if you ever get to be like that im going to have to do something about it! my mom says that im skinny one second then tells me to go work out the next second!!! i swear to god im going to jus tnot eat anything and work my ass off so they get their heads out of my ass and look at themselves and think about whats wrong with themselves instead of me! theyre not even happy at what i want to be when i grow up they say i cant work consturction because i have too good of a brain... if they would actually look i dont have that good of a brain and they never want me to be happy about myself or feel good about my future plans about what I actually want to do they want what they want and theyre going to have to learn that im not their slave and if i wanna do consturction im gonna do goddamn construction... and they think that im not gonna dress how i wanna dress but theyre gonna have to live with it too because no matter what im going and buying what I WANT TO WEAR next year i want to be myself, not my families puppet and doing what they always wanted to do... im gonna live for what i want to do, not what they didnt get in their life IM SICK OF EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!