(no subject)
I went and saw Kelly at University Hospital today. She's in the MICU, and looks so bad. She has chronic rejection in her new set of lungs now. They've hooked her up to a ventilator and put a catheter in her heart. Her kidneys are shutting down...it's only been 1 1/2 days since they took her in and she's declining so fast. I hate seeing her like this. She's such a good person, and deserved better. Her fingers and legs are purple, they said if she somehow pulls through they may have to amputate.
I stayed for about 5 hours this evening. I joined her dad, mom, brother and sister-in-law. Poor Bill (dad), he's taking it so hard. He's one of those men you would ever expect to see cry...but he did...and I did. Alex stopped by with his little girl for awhile. It was nice to see him again.
Kelly's nurse said they are putting her on dialysis tonight...that should tell us if there is any chance to help her. Their goal was to get her healthy enough to transport her back to Cleveland Clinic where they had the transplant, but they said she's too far gone for that...all they can do is make her comfortable during this time. Hopefully the results from dialysis will give them somewhere to start, but Bill said it's unlikely she'll make it. She's already made Bill power of attorney and finished the living will.
I know she wanted to die at home, but she gave in and went back to UC...she hates that place.
I feel sick when I look at her, I just talked to her about a week ago and she told me she knew it was coming...but I didn't think it was this soon. Maybe I just didn't want to think about it.
And then all of this brings me back to dad. He's still not able to go onto the list for a new heart...has to get worse...as if he's healthy or something. I don't understand this transplant crap, they did that with Kelly. You'd think the fact that a man with cardiomyopathy and a 1/4 of his heart left would be eligible for a new heart without having to get worse...I mean shit lets just cut it close. I don't know, they're the doctors not me. I just have to much emotion involved...even if he did get a transplant it will eventually end like Kelly.
Rejection, suffering...
I guess the good side is the extra time you've gotten out of it. I can barely handle all of this with Kelly...I can't imagine what I'll do when it's dad. And even though I get annoyed from hearing the same story ten times a day and him reciting basketball replays and music facts hourly, I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss the way he tries to fix you food even when you tell him you don't want any and all of his repetitive "work" stories...the way he gripes about how stubborn my grandfather is but he's the exact same way...
And then there's Celina and Mom. I just don't know how they'll do it, how we'll do it.
My life is turning into a soap opera...maybe I'll wake up in the morning and it will all be a dream...
Most likely not, I'll just have to go to work tomorrow and deal with my soap operas and every crazy ass's soap opera in Union Twp.
...lol...as I'm typing dad is asking me if I know what the seafood diet is
Me-"No, I don't" (waiting for the dumb response)
Dad-"See food and eat it"
...and I'm back to wondering...are these really the things I'm gonna miss?
Sigh
I stayed for about 5 hours this evening. I joined her dad, mom, brother and sister-in-law. Poor Bill (dad), he's taking it so hard. He's one of those men you would ever expect to see cry...but he did...and I did. Alex stopped by with his little girl for awhile. It was nice to see him again.
Kelly's nurse said they are putting her on dialysis tonight...that should tell us if there is any chance to help her. Their goal was to get her healthy enough to transport her back to Cleveland Clinic where they had the transplant, but they said she's too far gone for that...all they can do is make her comfortable during this time. Hopefully the results from dialysis will give them somewhere to start, but Bill said it's unlikely she'll make it. She's already made Bill power of attorney and finished the living will.
I know she wanted to die at home, but she gave in and went back to UC...she hates that place.
I feel sick when I look at her, I just talked to her about a week ago and she told me she knew it was coming...but I didn't think it was this soon. Maybe I just didn't want to think about it.
And then all of this brings me back to dad. He's still not able to go onto the list for a new heart...has to get worse...as if he's healthy or something. I don't understand this transplant crap, they did that with Kelly. You'd think the fact that a man with cardiomyopathy and a 1/4 of his heart left would be eligible for a new heart without having to get worse...I mean shit lets just cut it close. I don't know, they're the doctors not me. I just have to much emotion involved...even if he did get a transplant it will eventually end like Kelly.
Rejection, suffering...
I guess the good side is the extra time you've gotten out of it. I can barely handle all of this with Kelly...I can't imagine what I'll do when it's dad. And even though I get annoyed from hearing the same story ten times a day and him reciting basketball replays and music facts hourly, I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss the way he tries to fix you food even when you tell him you don't want any and all of his repetitive "work" stories...the way he gripes about how stubborn my grandfather is but he's the exact same way...
And then there's Celina and Mom. I just don't know how they'll do it, how we'll do it.
My life is turning into a soap opera...maybe I'll wake up in the morning and it will all be a dream...
Most likely not, I'll just have to go to work tomorrow and deal with my soap operas and every crazy ass's soap opera in Union Twp.
...lol...as I'm typing dad is asking me if I know what the seafood diet is
Me-"No, I don't" (waiting for the dumb response)
Dad-"See food and eat it"
...and I'm back to wondering...are these really the things I'm gonna miss?
Sigh