And I know you'll never return to this place...
damn. i just don't know anymore. i've got so much on my mind, and i don't even know what to do about it. whenever i start thinking about it, i totally lose track of what i'm doing. i almost black out in a way. when i finally gain my senses, i'll be in a completely different room or i'll be wearing different clothes. today, i just got up and walked out of class without realizing it. i can't concentrate on school work, i have trouble talking to people because i can't pay attention, and a lot of times i won't even notice people because i'm so deep in thought all the time. i can't even sleep at night anymore. when i do sleep, i constantly wake up and i have so much trouble getting back to sleep.
i guess there's a lot of things i could tell everybody, but i just can't. it seems like everytime i tell somebody what's on my mind, somebody gets hurt or worried about me. i don't want to hurt or worry anybody, so maybe i just shouldn't tell anybody anything. maybe i should stop being so selfish and keep things to myself.
one of my good friends, who happens to be a girl, is in a relationship. i didn't find this out until today. i just happened to be looking at her myspace, and it said "in a relationship". i know i should feel happy for her, and i don't think i have any feelings for her, but when i saw that, i got the most horrible sinking feeling and i started to cry. i don't know why, it just happened. i started to think how she's old enough to get married now, and i started to think about her getting married one day and having a new life with somebody, perhaps even this guy. it made me feel so homesick. i know you're supposed to feel happy about those kinds of things, but i just can't handle the thought of her getting married for some reason.
so to everyone:
i'm sorry i'm not a good friend.
i'm sorry i always let you down.
i'm sorry i can never help you.
i'm sorry i'm so selfish.
i'm sorry i'm more trouble than i'm worth.
i'm sorry for all the pain i've caused you.
i'm sorry for everything i may do in the future.
i guess there's a lot of things i could tell everybody, but i just can't. it seems like everytime i tell somebody what's on my mind, somebody gets hurt or worried about me. i don't want to hurt or worry anybody, so maybe i just shouldn't tell anybody anything. maybe i should stop being so selfish and keep things to myself.
one of my good friends, who happens to be a girl, is in a relationship. i didn't find this out until today. i just happened to be looking at her myspace, and it said "in a relationship". i know i should feel happy for her, and i don't think i have any feelings for her, but when i saw that, i got the most horrible sinking feeling and i started to cry. i don't know why, it just happened. i started to think how she's old enough to get married now, and i started to think about her getting married one day and having a new life with somebody, perhaps even this guy. it made me feel so homesick. i know you're supposed to feel happy about those kinds of things, but i just can't handle the thought of her getting married for some reason.
so to everyone:
i'm sorry i'm not a good friend.
i'm sorry i always let you down.
i'm sorry i can never help you.
i'm sorry i'm so selfish.
i'm sorry i'm more trouble than i'm worth.
i'm sorry for all the pain i've caused you.
i'm sorry for everything i may do in the future.