(no subject)
So I've gone through quite a few changes since my last entry. My family is currently in the process of moving out of my house to some shitty ass apartment in the ghetto. For the second time in my life my parents have managed to lose the only sense of security I had left. I'm actually more pissed about having to pack up all my shit than I am about the fact that we've lost our home. Kinda knew it was coming to tell you the truth. My folks haven't ever been the most responsible people in the world. I know they're trying really hard to give us everything that they think we need but sometimes I feel like maybe they're doing it more for themselves. Like maybe they give us things to get some piece of mind. Just to feel better about themselves. Then again, maybe not. Who am I to judge anyway? No one, that's who. And neither is anyone else for that matter. Point is, I love my parents regardless of how many homes they lose and how much arguing we do. They're always there for my brothers and I whenever we need them, especially my mom, and I only wished I treated them a little better sometimes. :-(
... I haven't smoked bud in 2 weeks. It feels pretty fucking good. For a while there my bad habit was getting a little out of control and I just couldn't let myself become one of those loser druggies. So I decided I needed to change.... BIG time. I decided to stop smoking, I dropped out of high school, am waiting to take my GED and have decided that I want to be a photographer. I just got to point where I was so depressed that all I wanted to do was smoke weed, I mean 24/7. Every chance I had I'd go smoke a bowl or spark up a blunt and I realized it wasn't the way I wanted to live my life. I'm a good person and I deserve better than that. Something better than me just wasting my time, money, and life on drugs and finding the easy way out. I want to feel, for once, like I deserve to be happy. I know that in order to do that I have to learn to love myself and love the person I am. Sadly, I'm not to pleased with a lot of the decisions I've made in life and I'm just trying to make things better. For a while I was thinking that I needed to find me a boyfriend, possibly a "ladyfriend" but I know that I'm not stable enough for someone right now. I was trying to work things out with an old flame, but I just don't have time to try and fix other people's flaws, I just need to work on me right now. I figure the right person will come when the right time has come. Now's not the right time. I know that you really can't love someone else without loving yourself first and that is my main goal.... wish me luck.
... I haven't smoked bud in 2 weeks. It feels pretty fucking good. For a while there my bad habit was getting a little out of control and I just couldn't let myself become one of those loser druggies. So I decided I needed to change.... BIG time. I decided to stop smoking, I dropped out of high school, am waiting to take my GED and have decided that I want to be a photographer. I just got to point where I was so depressed that all I wanted to do was smoke weed, I mean 24/7. Every chance I had I'd go smoke a bowl or spark up a blunt and I realized it wasn't the way I wanted to live my life. I'm a good person and I deserve better than that. Something better than me just wasting my time, money, and life on drugs and finding the easy way out. I want to feel, for once, like I deserve to be happy. I know that in order to do that I have to learn to love myself and love the person I am. Sadly, I'm not to pleased with a lot of the decisions I've made in life and I'm just trying to make things better. For a while I was thinking that I needed to find me a boyfriend, possibly a "ladyfriend" but I know that I'm not stable enough for someone right now. I was trying to work things out with an old flame, but I just don't have time to try and fix other people's flaws, I just need to work on me right now. I figure the right person will come when the right time has come. Now's not the right time. I know that you really can't love someone else without loving yourself first and that is my main goal.... wish me luck.