new bandom ficlet: my dove is home (pete/mikey, AU, nc-17)
Hello! I was productive today and wrote the porn I've been babbling about to shoemaster and impertinence and lordessrenegade! Here it is, if you would like to read it. I have been trying and failing at describing it to people, but let's go with dead!Mikey!spirit-in-Pete's-head jerk-off porn. Okay?
This starts out like commenty/chatfic (because I am quoting from an actual email I sent Jai) but then it becomes much more storylike for the actual porn. I will probably not write more in this universe, because the stuff that would make up the actual *story* part of it doesn't interest me as much to write? So, due warning and all that.
Blah blah blah death warning blah blah blah it's porn blah blah blah IDK, do you people have telepathy squicks?
Anyway. THAT SAID, here we go:
I have been thinking about the story where Mikeyway dies and then is, like, a spirit, right? And the person he finds who can hear him and understand him is Pete who unbeknownst to himself is apparently a natural medium. And Mikey has to use Pete to go and find Gerard again!
So there's Pete in this New Jersey Starbucks, cranky and cold and looking around, and the whole time they've been traveling he's been like wtf, Mikey, how am I going to know it's him, but as soon as he steps inside it couldn't be more obvious that the homeless looking guy in the corner with the pile of papers and sketchbook is Mikey's brother. So Pete just walks right up to him and sits down at his table and says "I've got a message for you from your brother."
And Gerard just looks at him with a weird expression, and is like "uh I think you have me confused with someone else."
And Pete is like "Gerard Way. I have a message for you from Mikey."
And then Gerard's face changes to pissed-looking, and he's like "Fuck off, okay?" And when Pete doesn't get up to leave, Gerard starts to gather all his stuff together, so he can get away from freak dude, and inside Pete's head Mikey says, Bess Houdini and Pete blurts it out, too, and Gerard stops and looks at him and sits back down dumbly.
Inside his head, Pete is like What the fuck does that mean? and Mikey is like It was our codeword, just in case any of this was real. (How much do I love the story about Houdini and his wife and their seances? A lot. And if any two people in bandom were going to do the same thing after death, it would be Gerard and Mikey.)
And then blah blah Pete is giving messages from Mikey to Gerard. And Gerard is all :DDD and excited! And he starts like tearing up a little and there's this part where he hugs Pete really hard and is like "MIKEY I MISSED YOU SO MUCH" and Pete has to be like "I'm not actually Mikey. I can just ... hear him. Uh." And Gerard is like Oh, yeah. Right.
And there is a part where Pete asks if Gerard has a picture of Mikey, because he's had Mikey's spirit with him for weeks now, but he still has no idea what the guy actually looks like. And Gerard takes a picture of him and Mikey out of his wallet, and hands it to Pete, and Pete kind of stares down at it, and it's like Mikey looks familiar right away. And he thinks Man, you were hot and Mikey is like Shut up but he feels amused.
*****
Pete hadn't thought it through all the way, but he'd planned on staying at a motel or something for the night. He hadn't taken into account the fact that Gerard would be so loathe to let him anywhere out of his sight, though. It was totally understandable, of course -- from everything Mikey had told him, he and Gerard had been insanely close, and Gerard had been totally alone, without him at all, for over a year now -- but Pete had to admit it was still a little creepy. Gerard kept staring at him.
He does that even with regular people, Mikey said, inside Pete's head. He's just kind of intense.
Pete could feel the pull of Mikey's affection, so strong and pure that it's flowing over in Pete's head. He couldn't tell if he would like Gerard at all if he'd met him otherwise, but it didn't matter: meeting him through Mikey, it's like they were already friends.
"This used to be me and Mikey's room," Gerard said, and Pete followed him in. It's a smallish bedroom, nothing special, dresser and bookshelf and bunk beds in the corner. "There's more blankets in the closet," Gerard continued. "If you need anything, I'm in the basement. I don't sleep that good, so don't worry about waking me up or anything."
Pete didn't sleep that great, either, even when he was alone in his head, but he didn't tell Gerard that. "Thanks," he said. "I'm pretty beat."
Gerard smiled at him, and then gave him another impulsive hug. This time Pete returned it. Goodnight, Mikey said, and Pete repeated after him: "Mikey says goodnight."
Gerard's smile spread. "Night, Mikey."
Pete sat down on the bottom bunk and kicked off his sneakers as the door shut behind Gerard. This was really your room, he thought. It doesn't feel like you at all.
It was a long time ago, Mikey said. He didn't feel sad, but maybe a little wistful.There used to be a lot more posters. Comic books. Albums. It's just a guest room now.
Were you top bunk or bottom bunk?
I was scared of heights when we were little, Mikey said. Gerard never wanted to switch when we got older.
Pete grinned a little at that. He stood up and pulled off his jeans and sweatshirt, leaving them in a lump on the floor, and turned off the overhead light before he crawled into the bottom bunk in his underwear and t-shirt.
You're going to sleep? Pete could feel Mikey's disbelief.
No. But I'm tired.
Mikey was quiet, but Pete could still feel his presence, just as strong. How long do you think you're going to stay? Pete thought. It was something that had been dancing around the outskirts of his mind for a few weeks now, but he'd never quite managed to put it into words until tonight.
I don't know, Mikey said. I just ... I needed to see Gerard. Tell him everything was all right.I don't know what else is left for me.
There wasn't anything to say -- think -- to that. Pete turned over on his side and clutched the pillow close against his skull.
I never thanked you for doing this for me, Mikey said.
Whatever. It's not a big deal.
It is, Mikey said fiercely. There was another silence. Pete could kind of feel the space Mikey's spirit mapped out in his brain, almost like a tangible object. Like if he tried hard enough he could touch it.
Mikey said, I wish I had met you before I died.
Pete buried his face against the pillowcase. It was soft and smelled clean but musty, like nobody had slept on these sheets for a long time.
Can you feel this? Mikey said.
Pete closed his eyes and concentrated at hard as he could. There was nothing, not even the vaguest sensation or breath of air. He could feel Mikey's disappointment even as he tried.
I thought maybe if I tried harder, maybe this time--
Pete ached with disappointment. He wasn't sure how much was his and how much was Mikey's.
You know I'm touching you, Mikey said. You know it, right? I touch you all the time and you can't feel it.
I can feel you, Pete thought.
It's not the same.
Pete let out a slow breath and turned onto his back. "Kiss me," he said out loud.
I used to be really good at this, Mikey said. The making out part.
Yeah, I bet. You were totally smooth, Mikeyway.
I was, Mikey insisted. He felt less sad now, more playful. Pete thought about the picture Gerard had showed him earlier, the skinny boy with the scene hair and the glasses and the lean hips.
How were you at the blowjob part? Pete thought. He slipped his hand underneath the waistband of his boxer-briefs, rubbing a circle into the skin of his belly.
I didn't do that with just anybody, Mikey said. That was something special.
I'm special! Pete said, and he smiled into the air, his eyes still closed, and let his hand wrap around his dick.
You are special, Mikey agreed, you're totally fucking special, Pete. I'd go down on you. I'd let you come on my face, if you wanted.
Pete let out a grunt at that, unexpected and strong, and he could feel Mikey's half-amused satisfaction.
I thought so, Mikey said.
Don't tease.
I wouldn't. I just wanna touch you. What can I do for you, Pete, come on...
He'd turned back onto his side, biting the pillow to keep the sounds from escaping his mouth while he jerked off. Talk to me, Mikey, just talk to me.
You're fucking beautiful like this, you know that? It felt like Mikey was amazed, which was ridiculous because he was just a lump under some blankets in a dark room, there was nothing to see.
I can see you, Mikey said, almost fierce, I can see fucking all of you, Pete.
Don't stop, Pete thought, and he was so close he could almost taste it, so close he almost wanted to cry, and all he could think was Don't you fucking leave me here.
I'm still here, Mikey said, I'm not going anywhere and Pete could almost imagine he felt the slight press of fingertips against his cheek, of lips against his forehead when he came.
This starts out like commenty/chatfic (because I am quoting from an actual email I sent Jai) but then it becomes much more storylike for the actual porn. I will probably not write more in this universe, because the stuff that would make up the actual *story* part of it doesn't interest me as much to write? So, due warning and all that.
Blah blah blah death warning blah blah blah it's porn blah blah blah IDK, do you people have telepathy squicks?
Anyway. THAT SAID, here we go:
I have been thinking about the story where Mikeyway dies and then is, like, a spirit, right? And the person he finds who can hear him and understand him is Pete who unbeknownst to himself is apparently a natural medium. And Mikey has to use Pete to go and find Gerard again!
So there's Pete in this New Jersey Starbucks, cranky and cold and looking around, and the whole time they've been traveling he's been like wtf, Mikey, how am I going to know it's him, but as soon as he steps inside it couldn't be more obvious that the homeless looking guy in the corner with the pile of papers and sketchbook is Mikey's brother. So Pete just walks right up to him and sits down at his table and says "I've got a message for you from your brother."
And Gerard just looks at him with a weird expression, and is like "uh I think you have me confused with someone else."
And Pete is like "Gerard Way. I have a message for you from Mikey."
And then Gerard's face changes to pissed-looking, and he's like "Fuck off, okay?" And when Pete doesn't get up to leave, Gerard starts to gather all his stuff together, so he can get away from freak dude, and inside Pete's head Mikey says, Bess Houdini and Pete blurts it out, too, and Gerard stops and looks at him and sits back down dumbly.
Inside his head, Pete is like What the fuck does that mean? and Mikey is like It was our codeword, just in case any of this was real. (How much do I love the story about Houdini and his wife and their seances? A lot. And if any two people in bandom were going to do the same thing after death, it would be Gerard and Mikey.)
And then blah blah Pete is giving messages from Mikey to Gerard. And Gerard is all :DDD and excited! And he starts like tearing up a little and there's this part where he hugs Pete really hard and is like "MIKEY I MISSED YOU SO MUCH" and Pete has to be like "I'm not actually Mikey. I can just ... hear him. Uh." And Gerard is like Oh, yeah. Right.
And there is a part where Pete asks if Gerard has a picture of Mikey, because he's had Mikey's spirit with him for weeks now, but he still has no idea what the guy actually looks like. And Gerard takes a picture of him and Mikey out of his wallet, and hands it to Pete, and Pete kind of stares down at it, and it's like Mikey looks familiar right away. And he thinks Man, you were hot and Mikey is like Shut up but he feels amused.
*****
Pete hadn't thought it through all the way, but he'd planned on staying at a motel or something for the night. He hadn't taken into account the fact that Gerard would be so loathe to let him anywhere out of his sight, though. It was totally understandable, of course -- from everything Mikey had told him, he and Gerard had been insanely close, and Gerard had been totally alone, without him at all, for over a year now -- but Pete had to admit it was still a little creepy. Gerard kept staring at him.
He does that even with regular people, Mikey said, inside Pete's head. He's just kind of intense.
Pete could feel the pull of Mikey's affection, so strong and pure that it's flowing over in Pete's head. He couldn't tell if he would like Gerard at all if he'd met him otherwise, but it didn't matter: meeting him through Mikey, it's like they were already friends.
"This used to be me and Mikey's room," Gerard said, and Pete followed him in. It's a smallish bedroom, nothing special, dresser and bookshelf and bunk beds in the corner. "There's more blankets in the closet," Gerard continued. "If you need anything, I'm in the basement. I don't sleep that good, so don't worry about waking me up or anything."
Pete didn't sleep that great, either, even when he was alone in his head, but he didn't tell Gerard that. "Thanks," he said. "I'm pretty beat."
Gerard smiled at him, and then gave him another impulsive hug. This time Pete returned it. Goodnight, Mikey said, and Pete repeated after him: "Mikey says goodnight."
Gerard's smile spread. "Night, Mikey."
Pete sat down on the bottom bunk and kicked off his sneakers as the door shut behind Gerard. This was really your room, he thought. It doesn't feel like you at all.
It was a long time ago, Mikey said. He didn't feel sad, but maybe a little wistful.There used to be a lot more posters. Comic books. Albums. It's just a guest room now.
Were you top bunk or bottom bunk?
I was scared of heights when we were little, Mikey said. Gerard never wanted to switch when we got older.
Pete grinned a little at that. He stood up and pulled off his jeans and sweatshirt, leaving them in a lump on the floor, and turned off the overhead light before he crawled into the bottom bunk in his underwear and t-shirt.
You're going to sleep? Pete could feel Mikey's disbelief.
No. But I'm tired.
Mikey was quiet, but Pete could still feel his presence, just as strong. How long do you think you're going to stay? Pete thought. It was something that had been dancing around the outskirts of his mind for a few weeks now, but he'd never quite managed to put it into words until tonight.
I don't know, Mikey said. I just ... I needed to see Gerard. Tell him everything was all right.I don't know what else is left for me.
There wasn't anything to say -- think -- to that. Pete turned over on his side and clutched the pillow close against his skull.
I never thanked you for doing this for me, Mikey said.
Whatever. It's not a big deal.
It is, Mikey said fiercely. There was another silence. Pete could kind of feel the space Mikey's spirit mapped out in his brain, almost like a tangible object. Like if he tried hard enough he could touch it.
Mikey said, I wish I had met you before I died.
Pete buried his face against the pillowcase. It was soft and smelled clean but musty, like nobody had slept on these sheets for a long time.
Can you feel this? Mikey said.
Pete closed his eyes and concentrated at hard as he could. There was nothing, not even the vaguest sensation or breath of air. He could feel Mikey's disappointment even as he tried.
I thought maybe if I tried harder, maybe this time--
Pete ached with disappointment. He wasn't sure how much was his and how much was Mikey's.
You know I'm touching you, Mikey said. You know it, right? I touch you all the time and you can't feel it.
I can feel you, Pete thought.
It's not the same.
Pete let out a slow breath and turned onto his back. "Kiss me," he said out loud.
I used to be really good at this, Mikey said. The making out part.
Yeah, I bet. You were totally smooth, Mikeyway.
I was, Mikey insisted. He felt less sad now, more playful. Pete thought about the picture Gerard had showed him earlier, the skinny boy with the scene hair and the glasses and the lean hips.
How were you at the blowjob part? Pete thought. He slipped his hand underneath the waistband of his boxer-briefs, rubbing a circle into the skin of his belly.
I didn't do that with just anybody, Mikey said. That was something special.
I'm special! Pete said, and he smiled into the air, his eyes still closed, and let his hand wrap around his dick.
You are special, Mikey agreed, you're totally fucking special, Pete. I'd go down on you. I'd let you come on my face, if you wanted.
Pete let out a grunt at that, unexpected and strong, and he could feel Mikey's half-amused satisfaction.
I thought so, Mikey said.
Don't tease.
I wouldn't. I just wanna touch you. What can I do for you, Pete, come on...
He'd turned back onto his side, biting the pillow to keep the sounds from escaping his mouth while he jerked off. Talk to me, Mikey, just talk to me.
You're fucking beautiful like this, you know that? It felt like Mikey was amazed, which was ridiculous because he was just a lump under some blankets in a dark room, there was nothing to see.
I can see you, Mikey said, almost fierce, I can see fucking all of you, Pete.
Don't stop, Pete thought, and he was so close he could almost taste it, so close he almost wanted to cry, and all he could think was Don't you fucking leave me here.
I'm still here, Mikey said, I'm not going anywhere and Pete could almost imagine he felt the slight press of fingertips against his cheek, of lips against his forehead when he came.