later the day gets
sometimes when I really want to write I curse this old house with it's coldness. It is certainly very hard, indeed, to pour your emotions out onto the computer and tell everyone how you feel, when you are frozen solid. Today was a hard day. After weird dreams, it was nice to wake up and be able to go to Ann Arbor with my girl Brittany. Brother Llama and I needed some love time. I've decided that I am terribly jealous of my Kelly. Everything that she writes is so beautiful, and I think it might have something to do with the fact that she does it on real paper--we're talking no lines. I think that the key to my creative juice, or rather the cork?, is to write down things. For real--not just to type them on the page. I am feeling...defeated this day. I am feeling tired. I miss people. My breathing buddy. I miss him, and I don't know what to make of it. This red wine is going directly to my eyes, and to my head, but it's not making me warm. Warm down deep, like my mother promised it would. Maybe there are only some people that can make me feel like that, and maybe they're not here to help. The heat kicks on, and I hope that I have some energy left in me. It's so frustrating. Tonight was a long night. I don't even know what was so long about it. The people? Maybe. It is a lot when your chapstick buddy lays on you he's newly infatiuated and in love. It's a lot when your ex-boyfriend's, of three years, parents come over and comment on the slippers he gave you that you are wearing. (Which, by the way, look like penguins.) It's frustrating when your boyfriend (or...something of that nature) has no desire to talk to you, and seems to be completely drained, and very foreign to you. It's frustrating when you want to talk to someone that is hundreds of miles away and then when you pick up the phone they are in bed, because you waited too long. It's frustrating when your best friend and your self are both in confusing situations and there is just no way to make either of them better. It's annoying.
I am so tired. Tired on so many levels. I hope this trip to Europe will be so refreshing for me. I need refreshing. I need lift, I need something buoyant to keep me afloat. I need a break from all the drama in my life. I need a full twenty-four hour period without a sad thought tracing through my brain, like a drug, like a disease, like some kind of sour memory that won't leave your brain, like a taste that won't leave your mouth alone.
I am so tired. Tired on so many levels. I hope this trip to Europe will be so refreshing for me. I need refreshing. I need lift, I need something buoyant to keep me afloat. I need a break from all the drama in my life. I need a full twenty-four hour period without a sad thought tracing through my brain, like a drug, like a disease, like some kind of sour memory that won't leave your brain, like a taste that won't leave your mouth alone.