the deeper the rabbit hole, the farther the light.
i can't help but feel despair for the world at large. i need an alternative. seeking only brings upon harsh realizations, of the uselessness of a money driven society. . . everywhere i look, everything i touch, see, feel, smell, has been manufactured by some company, or someone, to gain profit, money. but, shouldn't profit be more than just green papers, so you can but nicer things, and gain a higher caste? why can't we be satisfied with the useful, as opposed to the fashionable? i find myself picking apart everything i see, finding something that links it to this disgusting society. i hate jingles, catchy little tunes that are engineered to stick in our heads so we'll buy some useless product, that it wasting our time and money even exsisting. like, television sets in cars, or in refridgerators. . . i hate my job. it even perpetuates this feeling of uselessness. i want to do something that will ultimatly benefit our world. putting movies back of shelves does nothing, and it drains the life out of me so much that i feel as though it physically weighs on me. i want to pack up everything i have, and go over seas to help those people whos lives were devastated by the tsunami. or do something productive. i feel dead continuing this job. i want to quit, but, what do i do then? i suppose i'll do what i can to get by for now, and put my focus in something useful when the time is allotted for it. whenever i go out and see advertisments littering our streets, and buisnesses crowding every square inch of our city, it makes me want to vomit. wouldn't it be wonderful if we all could live together, sustain ourselves. . . and our city be more revolved around community, rather than money? as oppossed to having 20 buisnesses in an area, have just a few. . . support a farmers market, the local economy. once i move out, i think i might only shop at farmer's markets, to try and do just that, support this beautiful local community. . . that my first step. other than moving out first.
sigh.
sigh.