feeling unlike myself...
i have a paper due on wednesday that i haven't started- that i'm scared to start actually, because it's so FREAKIN long and i have too many things to say, which never works out as well as it sounds. i need to condense my thoughts.
i feel like my whole world down here (except for me) is on slow motion- like everyone else is suspended and moving calmly through the motions, and i'm scrambling like a crazy person to get things done. since when was college like this? i'm good at college! i've been to 3 other schools, and carried a 4.0. Now i've just received my first B+ on a paper, which is fine, because i could care less about the letter, but what does bother me is that i know i deserved that grade. i'm just so busy, and i'm not used to letting school be my whole life. My coursework takes me about 4-6 hours every day, more if i'm writing a paper. I don't have enough time to look for a part time job, let alone work one into my schedule, and i really need the money.
I went to a time management workshop at the beginning of the school year. The instructor asked us to compile a color coded calender of our major coursework (midterms, finals, big papers) so i sat down for an hour and did just that, making a note of my busiest times in the semester, blocking out study times to prep for them. i have a great master plan of time management hanging in front of my broken computer monitor. it hasn't helped. i want my hour back.
part of the problem is the nonsense of computers. i budgeted my financial aid so that i could afford to buy a laptop with one of my loans, and then when housing fell through, my grant was reduced because i'm off campus, and that money is gone now. i don't have a computer or online access at home. 5 days a week, i have to access video and audio programs online in order to do my homework. i do my work in the library, when i don't forget my headphones.
i just spent the weekend "relaxing" at home, but i'm exhausted already. it's only monday. it is not supposed to be this hard! part of the problem is living off campus. there's the drive, and paying bills, cooking meals, cleaning, and never feeling like i'm going to break even. these are things i don't mind doing in real life, they're a given, but now the change in academic rigor has made them impossible to consider. i literally can not think about them. i'm tired. really tired, and i love this place, my courses are interesting, but i think it's just not the kind of school where you can have a life and do well academically. it's one or the other.
i feel like my whole world down here (except for me) is on slow motion- like everyone else is suspended and moving calmly through the motions, and i'm scrambling like a crazy person to get things done. since when was college like this? i'm good at college! i've been to 3 other schools, and carried a 4.0. Now i've just received my first B+ on a paper, which is fine, because i could care less about the letter, but what does bother me is that i know i deserved that grade. i'm just so busy, and i'm not used to letting school be my whole life. My coursework takes me about 4-6 hours every day, more if i'm writing a paper. I don't have enough time to look for a part time job, let alone work one into my schedule, and i really need the money.
I went to a time management workshop at the beginning of the school year. The instructor asked us to compile a color coded calender of our major coursework (midterms, finals, big papers) so i sat down for an hour and did just that, making a note of my busiest times in the semester, blocking out study times to prep for them. i have a great master plan of time management hanging in front of my broken computer monitor. it hasn't helped. i want my hour back.
part of the problem is the nonsense of computers. i budgeted my financial aid so that i could afford to buy a laptop with one of my loans, and then when housing fell through, my grant was reduced because i'm off campus, and that money is gone now. i don't have a computer or online access at home. 5 days a week, i have to access video and audio programs online in order to do my homework. i do my work in the library, when i don't forget my headphones.
i just spent the weekend "relaxing" at home, but i'm exhausted already. it's only monday. it is not supposed to be this hard! part of the problem is living off campus. there's the drive, and paying bills, cooking meals, cleaning, and never feeling like i'm going to break even. these are things i don't mind doing in real life, they're a given, but now the change in academic rigor has made them impossible to consider. i literally can not think about them. i'm tired. really tired, and i love this place, my courses are interesting, but i think it's just not the kind of school where you can have a life and do well academically. it's one or the other.