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i dunno life in general is alright, i am really sick again, funny thing is, same time last year. fever all last night, couldn't sleep at all. but thats for other reasons, subway is getting busy again. school is coming around. i only go to two days out of the week now. yippie yippy. but longer class days. i did it so icould have more time to spend with somebody. but i need to go buy my books at ciso, a whopping 400 for 4 books. bullshit. abilene is my home i need a roommate who i can stand. there is one i am eyeing or was for a while really haha yeah but my mom asked if i was having a kid, i don't have a g/f whats she talking about?
a journal, this seems to be he only way i can talk or let out what i feel inside, i can't confide in anybody it seems.i have become a very untrusting person. i miss the trinity.thats what me and omar and gary called ourselfs.what thought the same felt the same and we were there or each otehr. yeah welll now look.the real reason why my mom wants me to pay bills and to move out of the house is because i told her amber is living with me. why? because i love that brat to death. i was hoping to get back with her, live togther. maybe so i wouldn't be so i could stop dreaming about it, it seems after all these years she finally realized we might truly be for each other. it took a long time. i was planning on her moving in with me. i still want her to.i want a kid with her, i want to maryy her, maybe its just me but i still think she is perfect. but after todauy that has been shot away. last night let just say i saw her? thought nothing of it she has fun i have fun its respect and trust of another person and then somebody starts started bringing up past shit they don't even fucking know about. but thats all it took that and seeing andrea chjilling on the harly, first thing i thought of was bryson. what else can i say. i didn't see the guys face i am night blind so how did i know he was like 40? no excuse. than andrea had enough nerve to start cussing me out on the phone, sorry sunday is the busiest night of the week. sorry i couldn't pick up the phone and talk to amber. then she came into subway later today at subway? that bitch needs to stay out of our business in the first place, she told me that this morning and now look at her all up in with that pointy ass nose. talking about how i hope amber does the same thing back to me hello? bitch your the one who basically broke her and bryson up talking so much shit. and she let me know everything he and her did. no wonder why she has no real chick friends. its over amber supposedly knows how i really feel about her. whatever. doesn't know a damn thing. told my paretns she totally changed and they believed it i was so happy always talking good about her until they got a letter in hte mail about her kicking my dooor in. i changed the story up made it seeem like someone called the cops on a girl breaking into a house but in reality well she just forgot her key. i wish i died back in september. i turly don't want to live to my 20th birthday. i wish jimmy stabbed my lungs maybe my throat. oh yeah for those who don't know i got stbbed. i would be so thankful. and people ask me why i don't go after him well now some people know. i don't want to go to school, i don't want to live, i don't want to shave, i don't want to work,don't want to pee,, i don't want anything less from suffucaton. i am tired of having these emotional highs and lows do to the medicine i am taking, oh sure i am just a asshole, oh yeah just and asshole a pure fucking asshole, well you take all thiss fucking medicine and see how all yall fucking feel. fuck you amber you never understood a damn thing anywayz so fuck you fck you fuck you fuck you cuz its lways you who fucking makes ooooooooooooooooooooooo. one second i am happy, one secodn i just want to strangle my self with barb wire, call me a bitch just joking makes me mad enough i could beat someone unconscious. i keep this shit to myself. after all its just the medicine you know? in time i can learn to deal with it my doctor saids, i am not strong enough i need somebody who might understand a damn thing, somebody who could maybe just maybe give a little bit of comfort. but i don't trust anybody.well i do, but this person is so caught up in her own world and sees things only from her point of view she doesn't hear my hollow screams. but alas love is all hate, 0maybe if i could elll somebody but i can't, no. instead i go hoem and play my video games. its what i did when my sister would beat me up or try to kill me, what i would do when my school teachers said i was retarded just because i couldn't talk right. its what i did when me and amber fought. its what i do today. to night i will go hoem and cry to myself, like i've just like i have done all year long. and i will get through the day. knowing the next might be better. me and amber might be toghter, or my diseased healed and my life much better. so here i am another bullshit page on this journal that nobody reads and myabe thats why i am able to get it all out, thinking that somebodt might reads this but knowing its not very likely. so pathtic,what would yall call it?
a journal, this seems to be he only way i can talk or let out what i feel inside, i can't confide in anybody it seems.i have become a very untrusting person. i miss the trinity.thats what me and omar and gary called ourselfs.what thought the same felt the same and we were there or each otehr. yeah welll now look.the real reason why my mom wants me to pay bills and to move out of the house is because i told her amber is living with me. why? because i love that brat to death. i was hoping to get back with her, live togther. maybe so i wouldn't be so i could stop dreaming about it, it seems after all these years she finally realized we might truly be for each other. it took a long time. i was planning on her moving in with me. i still want her to.i want a kid with her, i want to maryy her, maybe its just me but i still think she is perfect. but after todauy that has been shot away. last night let just say i saw her? thought nothing of it she has fun i have fun its respect and trust of another person and then somebody starts started bringing up past shit they don't even fucking know about. but thats all it took that and seeing andrea chjilling on the harly, first thing i thought of was bryson. what else can i say. i didn't see the guys face i am night blind so how did i know he was like 40? no excuse. than andrea had enough nerve to start cussing me out on the phone, sorry sunday is the busiest night of the week. sorry i couldn't pick up the phone and talk to amber. then she came into subway later today at subway? that bitch needs to stay out of our business in the first place, she told me that this morning and now look at her all up in with that pointy ass nose. talking about how i hope amber does the same thing back to me hello? bitch your the one who basically broke her and bryson up talking so much shit. and she let me know everything he and her did. no wonder why she has no real chick friends. its over amber supposedly knows how i really feel about her. whatever. doesn't know a damn thing. told my paretns she totally changed and they believed it i was so happy always talking good about her until they got a letter in hte mail about her kicking my dooor in. i changed the story up made it seeem like someone called the cops on a girl breaking into a house but in reality well she just forgot her key. i wish i died back in september. i turly don't want to live to my 20th birthday. i wish jimmy stabbed my lungs maybe my throat. oh yeah for those who don't know i got stbbed. i would be so thankful. and people ask me why i don't go after him well now some people know. i don't want to go to school, i don't want to live, i don't want to shave, i don't want to work,don't want to pee,, i don't want anything less from suffucaton. i am tired of having these emotional highs and lows do to the medicine i am taking, oh sure i am just a asshole, oh yeah just and asshole a pure fucking asshole, well you take all thiss fucking medicine and see how all yall fucking feel. fuck you amber you never understood a damn thing anywayz so fuck you fck you fuck you fuck you cuz its lways you who fucking makes ooooooooooooooooooooooo. one second i am happy, one secodn i just want to strangle my self with barb wire, call me a bitch just joking makes me mad enough i could beat someone unconscious. i keep this shit to myself. after all its just the medicine you know? in time i can learn to deal with it my doctor saids, i am not strong enough i need somebody who might understand a damn thing, somebody who could maybe just maybe give a little bit of comfort. but i don't trust anybody.well i do, but this person is so caught up in her own world and sees things only from her point of view she doesn't hear my hollow screams. but alas love is all hate, 0maybe if i could elll somebody but i can't, no. instead i go hoem and play my video games. its what i did when my sister would beat me up or try to kill me, what i would do when my school teachers said i was retarded just because i couldn't talk right. its what i did when me and amber fought. its what i do today. to night i will go hoem and cry to myself, like i've just like i have done all year long. and i will get through the day. knowing the next might be better. me and amber might be toghter, or my diseased healed and my life much better. so here i am another bullshit page on this journal that nobody reads and myabe thats why i am able to get it all out, thinking that somebodt might reads this but knowing its not very likely. so pathtic,what would yall call it?