i never had light in my eyes anyway...
It's so strange to be in a position where it feels like the very thing that is holding you together is simultaneously tearing you apart. the familiar things that used to bring you together continue to make you thrive, but inside of this familiarity is a person that you no longer know and sometimes recognize. you feel at home, but not at peace. there's a strange tension pulling at you, constantly telling you that things will not always be this way. things will inevitably change, whether you want them to or not. whether you're ready for it or not. there's a feeling that down the road, the people around you will not be the same people you once knew. and it's strange to feel that way while also feeling that down the road, you will not have changed at all. it's an entirely hopeless feeling, and it resides in me too often to make me think otherwise.
these sort of thoughts pop up when first experiences that you shared with another person are, in turn, shared with another stranger. you feel these actions or events are sacred in the realm of your relationship...and then they are recycled with another person, and you just feel...expendable. these milestones feel like they are turned to day-to-day happenings in the blink of an eye. and sometimes you sort of feel that you'll be the only one to share that experience with, like it's something that when mentioned, you're the only person that other person will think of in relation to that topic....but then it's not. and i guess it makes you wonder that if this other person can find something you thought was so unique and special in someone else, was it really special? or will i be able to find the same thing in yet another person?
i just don't know. i feel so disappointed, but at the same time, i feel that maybe i'm actually numb and am just telling myself that this is really something that i should care about. am i really genuinely hurt? or do i just know that i should be?
i simply don't know. how do you act on a feeling like that? on an uncertainty like that?
i don't know. i need someone to breathe life into me again.
these sort of thoughts pop up when first experiences that you shared with another person are, in turn, shared with another stranger. you feel these actions or events are sacred in the realm of your relationship...and then they are recycled with another person, and you just feel...expendable. these milestones feel like they are turned to day-to-day happenings in the blink of an eye. and sometimes you sort of feel that you'll be the only one to share that experience with, like it's something that when mentioned, you're the only person that other person will think of in relation to that topic....but then it's not. and i guess it makes you wonder that if this other person can find something you thought was so unique and special in someone else, was it really special? or will i be able to find the same thing in yet another person?
i just don't know. i feel so disappointed, but at the same time, i feel that maybe i'm actually numb and am just telling myself that this is really something that i should care about. am i really genuinely hurt? or do i just know that i should be?
i simply don't know. how do you act on a feeling like that? on an uncertainty like that?
i don't know. i need someone to breathe life into me again.