like never before (part two)
Kris has never been to this part of the ship. It is not as clean as the inside corridors for first class, the lighting isn’t as good. There is also a faint odor, but for the most part, it looks pretty similar.
Without even thinking, Kris slips his hand into Adam’s. “Where exactly are you taking me?”
Adam groans, trying to sound annoyed, but his smile gives him away. “Kris, would you please just trust me and stop asking so many questions?”
Kris frowns. “My parents would kill me if they knew where I was.”
Adam makes another noise, only this time he spins Kris around so they are facing each other, his hands gripping Kris’s shoulders, shaking him a bit. “Stop caring what your parents think,” he says. “Don’t you ever get a chance to just be sixteen?”
“Maybe when I was eight.”
Adam throws his head back and laughs, which is most definitely Kris’s favorite sound in the world. His hands come up to cradle Kris’s face. “Well, then I think it is fate that brought us together,” he says, his hands dropping a few inches to mess with Kris’s tie. “Tonight it is my mission to make you laugh and get ridiculously drunk and just forget about the world.”
Kris doesn’t think he’d mind forgetting about the world, at least just for a night.
-
“What is this place?” Kris yells over the loud banging of drums and bagpipes, hanging onto Adam’s arm. It reeks of stale beer and cigarette smoke. People are dancing, laughing, and having the time of their lives. It is loud and exciting, a completely different world compared to upstairs.
Adam tugs him closer to his side, leaning down to say in Kris’s ear, “It’s exactly what you need.”
His fingers come up to curl around the back of Kris’s neck for a moment before he lets go. Kris knows that no matter how different the world is down here, the two of them together still wouldn’t be accepted. He still stays close to Adam as they weave through everyone, finding Norah at a table.
“Nice to see you again,” she says, bringing her beer up to her lips.
Kris sits down next to her and Adam takes two beers from one of the servers, placing one in front of Kris. He scoots his chair in closer so their knees touch. Others are at the table, dancing in their seats and drinking their beers. One is small, built a little like Kris with the same brown hair and similar features.
“I’m Brad,” he says, extending a hand out with a smile. His eyes flicker between Adam and Kris, raising an eyebrow, smirking over his glass, but he says nothing.
In not very long at all, Kris is drunk. He hasn’t had very much alcohol in his life, so it goes right through him. Adam stays close, watching over him and making him feel safe. The entire time he feels Adam’s hand tapping against the back of his chair. It makes Kris feel warm all over.
He hasn’t gotten up from his seat. The last thing he wants to do is dance drunk in front of all of these people. Not that they’d care, considering how drunk the rest of them are. Kris feels content where he is, watching Adam dance with some of the girls. He practically flies over the wooden dance floor, literally sweeping the girls off their feet. When Adam is in his seat, Kris’s eyes never leave the men with instruments, pounding out a steady rhythm throughout the entire evening.
“Ask them if you can play,” Adam says, leaning close to his ear.
Kris shakes his head, finishing off his third-or is it fourth?-beer. There is another one in front of him before he can even swallow. “My guitar is back in the room,” he says. “I wouldn’t even know what I was doing.”
“Bullshit,” Adam says, taking Kris by the hand and pulling him from this seat. “Kris here,” Adam says as he takes a seat next to one of the men with a guitar, yanking Kris down in the seat next to his, “is a magnificent guitar player. Would you mind if he borrows yours for a moment?”
The man hands him his guitar without a word. Kris puts it in his lap and it feels foreign. He has never played any other guitar than his own. This one is so worn and used.
Adam elbows him. “Well, go on.”
“I don’t even know what they are playing.”
Adam leans in even closer and his warm breath smells like rum. “Just feel it.”
-
Sometime later-how much time he has no idea-Kris’s fingers are numb and he’s having so much fun that he’s dizzy with it. Adam keeps looking down at him, like he’s making sure Kris is having the time of his life every second of the night, and smiling so wide that Kris yearns to kiss him.
Right now, Adam is by himself in the middle of the dance floor, moving to the beat of the drums. Everyone is clapping along, watching him. Kris realizes right then that Adam is meant to always be the center of attention.
Adam is waving at him, trying to get Kris up there as well. He shakes his head. Kris is very content right here, thank you very much. But Adam isn’t having it. He steps off the floor and bounds right up to Kris, plucking the guitar from his hands and setting it down carefully on the floor.
“Dance with me,” Adam says, a smile on his face that makes it nearly impossible to say no.
Kris looks over Adam’s shoulder. There are already others dancing. “But what would they think of two men dancing?”
“Who cares what they think?” Adam says, reaching for his hand. “Are you coming with me or am I going to have to find somebody else?”
Okay, that smile is definitely impossible to say no to. Kris crumbles, letting Adam pull him up. They keep enough distance between them so that anyone watching would just think they are playing around.
With the soft touch of Adam’s hand on his hip and the alcohol in his blood, Kris has never felt so good. He keeps up with Adam, matching step for step, feeling the energy of those around him and the music vibrating through him.
And then Adam is spinning them, around and around, until Kris can no longer catch his breath.
April 14, 1912
They stumble onto the deck, both smelling of smoke and far too drunk. They are laughing-at what Kris has no idea. He hasn’t been able to stop laughing and smiling the entire night. It’s the first time in his life that he’s ever been able just to be. Not having to worry about proper etiquette, or if he’s slouching, or if his tie is crooked. His tie isn’t even on anymore.
Adam’s fingers are curled in a tight grip around Kris’s forearm-maybe to hold himself up, or maybe he just wants to touch him. Either way, Kris doesn’t want him to let go.
“The sun is coming up,” Adam says, the smile slowly fading from his face, but his eyes are still sparkling. Kris watches as he looks over horizon of the open sea, the soft orange glow from the rising sun on his skin. “Isn’t it gorgeous?”
Kris closes his eyes for a moment. It feels like someone reached in his chest and smothered his heart. He didn’t know he could feel this way about anyone, about a boy, especially only after such a short time. It has only been days, hours, since they’ve known each other. It’s scary but he never wants this to go away.
When Kris opens his eyes, Adam is looking at him. His eyes are soft and there is a near smile on his lips. Kris has an irrational fear that Adam can read his mind, or maybe he said those things aloud.
And then Adam’s hand is on his face, barely there, his fingertips like flower petals on his cheek. Kris feels the touch all the way down to his toes. Never in his life has he been touched like this, with such tenderness, like Kris is some fragile being that will break if not handled with care.
Adam is looking at him with a burn in his eyes. Kris has never been kissed before, but he’s certain that is what is going to happen. His heart stammers in his chest, and he holds his breath when he feels the soft touch of Adam’s lips against his own.
“Adam,” Kris whispers, his hands coming up to grasp Adam’s rumpled shirt, his jacket long gone.
He knows they shouldn’t be doing this. Anyone could turn the corner and see them. Kris doesn’t care. Nothing else matters but the taste of Adam’s mouth and the warmth of his hand on Kris’s cheek.
The kiss goes on forever. It’s messy and playful and better than Kris could ever imagine a first kiss could be. Adam nibbles on Kris’s bottom lip as he pulls away, panting. His lips look sinful. Kris can’t believe that it is all because of him.
“I want you to come with me,” Adam gasps, Kris’s face cradled in his hands, his thumbs stroking Kris’s cheeks. His eyes are shining down on him, blue and bright and happy. Kris never wants him to stop being happy, ever. “When the ship docks, we could get off together. Me, you, and my mom. I would make you so happy, Kris. You’d finally have a chance to be happy.”
Kris’s heart soars in his chest. It couldn’t possibly be that simple, could it? To just leave his family to be with Adam. It’s crazy. They’ve known each other for only a few days. But Adam’s face… Kris doesn’t think he could go the rest of his life without seeing that face again.
It’s too much to take in all at once, so he doesn’t answer. Instead, he brings their mouths back together for another kiss.
-
Kris stands with his back against the door, not ready to go in yet. The world feels like a hazy mess, wonderful and bright. His heart just won’t calm down in his chest, no matter how many deep breaths he takes. Once he steps through that door, he knows that this perfect little bubble will pop and he doesn’t know when he’ll be able to get back in it.
He takes one last deep breath and eases the door open, not wanting to make much noise. The sun rose just moments ago, so he expects everyone to still be asleep. That’s why the air leaves his lungs when he spots his parents sitting there, already in their clothes for the day, waiting for him. They don’t look upset. His mother seems to be eerily calm, but Kris can see right through her. His sweaty fingers push the door shut and he stands there, waiting for whatever is coming to him.
“You never came back last night,” his father says, eyeing Kris, undoubtedly noticing that Kris is in the same clothes from the previous night, only rumpled and untucked.
“No, sir,” Kris manages to say, despite the fact that he’s barely able to breathe. “I didn’t.”
Kris flinches at the sight of his father clenching his jaw. It’s what he does when he’s so angry that he can hardly hold it in any longer. His father would never hurt him, Kris knows that. It’s usually never more than a rosy cheek and tears stinging his eyes, nothing that he can’t handle.
“Where were you?”
He wishes he could tell them the truth. That he spent an entire evening down with the third class passengers, drinking and smoking, and then kissing Adam for a long, long time. His heart thuds in his chest thinking about it and he almost forgets that he’s supposed to be scared right now.
“You were with that boy,” his mother says, and it’s not a question. There is not a hint of uncertainty in her voice.
It feels like a weight pressing down on Kris’s chest. “Yes, ma’am,” he swallows. “I was.”
She exchanges a look with his father, somehow communicating with nothing more than their eyes. Finally, his father stands up and Kris takes a step back when he takes a step closer.
“Your mother and I have been talking while you were sneaking around doing God knows what,” he says, his voice suddenly calm. Kris isn’t sure if he likes it. “We don’t want you seeing that boy anymore.”
His father hasn’t touched him, he’s still quite a few feet away, but Kris feels like he’s been smacked in the face. He wants to yell at them. Tell them that he isn’t that boy. His name is Adam, and Kris is goddamn crazy about him. He wants to refuse their wishes and run off to find Adam, never having to see them again. He wants to tell them that last night was the best night of his life, where he was free to laugh and play and have fun.
Kris is not going to do any of that. But he’s not going to accept it either.
“Why not?”
Now his father is starting to grow frustrated, as if he expected Kris to just agree with this. Actually, when Kris thinks about it, why wouldn’t they expect that? Kris has never stood up for anything before in his life. He’s told what to do and he does it, no questions asked. But not this, not Adam.
“We’ve heard things about him,” his mother says from her seat, her expression is cold. “He is not the kind of person we want being associated with our family.”
Kris feels anger bubbling up inside of him. He curls his fingers into his palms and bites down hard. Lashing out on them wouldn’t be smart right now. “What kind of things?” he asks, a little more bite in his voice than there should’ve been.
“Kristopher, don’t play stupid,” she says, standing up as well. “We’ve seen the two of you together.”
Kris ducks his head and mutters under his breath, “You haven’t seen anything.”
His father inches closer. “What did you just say?”
“Nothing,” Kris says, looking up to meet his father’s gaze. “I didn’t say anything.”
He hears his mother huff. “Very well,” she says. “It’s agreed. You will not be seeing that boy anymore.”
Kris closes his eyes, and something inside of him snaps. “Adam,” he says, his voice clear and confident, despite the fact that he’s absolutely terrified. “His name is Adam, and I haven’t agreed to anything.”
Before Kris can blink, his father is right there, so close that Kris can smell the mixture of tea and scotch on his breath.
“You will never speak to your mother like that again, do you understand me?” he says harshly, a finger pointed in Kris’s face. “And you are to never see that boy again. I have worked my entire life to build a good reputation for this family and I’m not going to let you ruin it because of some… some…”
Kris gathers the courage and tilts his chin up to his father, confident. “Because of some what, father?” he asks in a snide tone. “What is it you think I’m out there doing with him?”
And then he feels a slap to his face-a hard one, right across his cheek. It hurts, and Kris brings his hand up to cover the burning flesh. As much as he tries not to, his mouth is trembling from the pain.
His father starts speaking between gritted teeth. “If anyone ever finds out what you’re doing with that boy, I swear to God--”
“Kristopher,” his mother says, butting his father out of the way. She is no longer looking at him like she is ashamed or angry. If he didn’t know any better, he might think she feels a little bit sorry for him. “It isn’t right.”
Kris steps back and looks at them. It isn’t just them, he knows. It is everybody. The world wouldn’t accept him with Adam. They would treat them just like his parents did, maybe even worse. He wants to understand why. It isn’t fair to him, or to Adam, or to any other man in the world with the same feelings buried deep inside of them.
They are watching him, waiting for a response. He’s waiting for his own response. Honestly, what is there to do? His options are to run, which, no matter where he runs, his parents will eventually be able to find him. The ship is large, but it’s not that large. The smart thing would be to stay and forget about Adam. He should simply move on and let Adam become a memory.
But Kris isn’t sure if he can do that.
-
Kris feels the gentle press of fingers against his back, immediately able to tell that it’s Adam. It should be an impossible thing to know, but Adam’s touches are different than anyone else’s. Kris wants to lean back into that touch, maybe drag him someplace private, but he can’t. He shouldn’t even be with Adam right now.
“Hey you,” Adam says, a smile in his voice, but Kris hasn’t let himself look up at his face yet. Once he does, he’s not sure that he’ll be able to tell him.
Kris tries to calm his heart down, beating erratically in his chest, partially from nerves, but mostly from Adam’s lingering hand on his back and his warmth at Kris’s side. He surveys the area and of course they couldn’t be in a more crowded area of the ship. Suddenly he feels like all eyes are on him.
“I was looking for you and-what happened to your face?” Adam asks, and Kris finally looks up at him. Adam’s blue eyes fill with worry and his hand comes up, fingers delicately tracing Kris’s cheek, his face falling when Kris flinches away. “Kris?”
Kris bites his lip to keep himself from doing something stupid like crying. He can’t even remember the last time he cried, but that’s what he wants, to have Adam hold him while he cries. Instead his eyes fall to the door at his right, and he takes Adam’s hand.
“C’mon,” he says, pulling Adam and poking his head through the door. It’s a gymnasium that Kris didn’t even know was on the ship, and thankfully it is empty. Once the door is closed behind him, Kris takes Adam by the lapels of his jacket, pushes him against it, and does the stupidest thing he could possibly do. He kisses him.
It’s nothing like their first kiss. Their first kiss was playful and loving, slowly getting used to the taste of each other’s mouths. This one is desperate, too much tongue and teeth, their hands grabbing and pulling. Kris doesn’t even know what he’s doing other than he wants to bury himself inside of Adam, and Adam seems to want exactly that as well.
When they finally pull back to breathe, Kris’s lips are stinging. They probably look just like Adam’s, red and puffy, and delicious. Kris gets on his toes to take Adam’s bottom lip into his mouth, nibbling a little, tearing a moan from Adam’s throat. He places a soft kiss there and steps back.
“I wasn’t expecting that,” Adam says, breathless, there is a blush on his cheeks and he looks a little shy. He’s so beautiful that it makes Kris want to scream.
Kris licks his lips, still sore from the kiss. “I shouldn’t have,” he says regretfully, although he doesn’t regret that kiss at all. “I had a plan, but then I saw you, and…”
“A plan?” Adam asks. “Kris, what are you talking about, a plan to do what?”
Kris steps out of Adam’s embrace, watching his arms fall to his side. This is going to be their last moment together, so Kris wants to get it right. He wants to make Adam understand that this isn’t what he wants. Adam is what he wants.
“I can’t see you anymore,” he whispers, ducking his head to save himself from seeing the disappointment on Adam’s face. “I’m not allowed to.”
There is a long stretch of silence, and then Adam breathes, “Oh.”
“My parents… when I got back this morning, they were waiting up for me. They knew I was with you, and-and,” he stutters, looking everywhere but at Adam. His throat is startling to swell up, his eyes pricked with tears. “They don’t like it when I’m with you.”
Adam takes a few steps forward and reaches up to cup Kris’s face in his hand, stroking his bruised cheek with his thumb. “Kris,” he whispers.
“I got back this morning and I was so happy. That kiss and last night and you.” He reaches up to Adam’s hand on his cheek and wraps his fingers gently around his wrist, holding it there.
Adam presses a few soft kisses Kris’s cheek. “What did they do to you?”
“Nothing really,” Kris says, his thumb stroking the back of Adam’s hand. “It was just a slap and I probably deserved it after what I said to him.” He looks up at Adam’s face, his heart literally breaking in his chest as he says it. “They know, Adam,” he says. “They know about us and they forbid me to see you ever again.”
Adam’s eyes are shiny, a sad pout on his lips. He knows just as well as Kris does that there is no point in fighting it. His parents have won, and Kris is going to lose Adam. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. Four days ago, there wasn’t even an Adam, but now that he has had this taste of happiness, he never wants to let it go.
Kris blinks and a tear escapes, rolling down his cheek. Adam’s thumb catches it and wipes it away. “Sad boy,” Adam whispers, leaning in to capture Kris’s lips with his own. “They’re not going to keep me from you.”
He looks both unsure and determined. Kris wants to believe him, but they are already in way over their heads. He’s starting to think that what Adam said yesterday is right, just back out of it now.
“Meet me tonight, okay?”
Kris sighs. “Adam, I’m not--”
Adam pets the side of his face. “I know we’re not, I know. Just… meet me.”
“Okay.”
-
His mother’s questioning eyes greet him when he steps into the room.
“I told him exactly what you said,” Kris tells her. “I won’t be seeing him anymore.”
And she smiles.
-
They have a plan. Kris just needs to be brave enough to follow through with said plan. This is how the remainder of his time on this ship will be. He’s going to have to sneak off, even if it’s just for a few moments, to be with Adam. The only problem is that his parents have been watching him like a hawk.
The entire day has been dreadful. He hadn’t realized exactly how much time he has been spending with Adam until he wasn’t allowed to anymore. His parents are constantly there by his side, like if they leave him alone for one second, he’ll be off with Adam somewhere. Which, okay, that is the plan, but they aren’t aware of it yet.
Standing on top of the stairs, by the clock, Kris fidgets with his cufflinks. Next to him, Daniel keeps staring at him.
“What?” Kris finally asks, getting annoyed. He and Daniel barely ever speak to each other. It’s like they live on two completely different worlds which happen to be in the same house.
“How come they are so angry with you?” he asks, and Kris is surprised Daniel doesn’t already know.
Kris sighs and looks away from his brother. “It’s nothing.”
There is a stretch of silence, and Kris thinks the conversation is over, but then Daniel talks again. “Does it have to do with the boy you’re always sitting next to at dinner?” he asks. “Adam, is it?”
Kris lets out another sigh and decides to just tell Daniel. He’s persistent and won’t stop until he knows everything.
“Yeah, they don’t want me to see him anymore.”
Daniel frowns a bit. “How come?”
Even though there are only thirteen months separating the two of them, Kris feels decades older than Daniel. He still views the world in such a naive way that Kris doesn’t understand. How have they been raised by the same parents, but Kris has grown up so much faster? Maybe Daniel just doesn’t feel that he has to.
He isn’t sure how to explain why he isn’t allowed to see Adam anymore to Daniel. Because I’m in love with him and our parents forbid it, is a bit more than Daniel needs to know. His brother probably isn’t even aware of that kind of thing, from how closed off his parents have kept the two of them. They have never been around it, or seen it. If Kris didn’t have these feelings boiling inside of him, he probably wouldn’t be aware of it himself.
But before Kris can answer, Daniel stops him. “If you want to go off and see him, I can cover for you.”
Or maybe he understands more than Kris thinks he does.
“I don’t want to put you in the middle. I’m in enough trouble as it is.”
Daniel shrugs like it’s no big deal, and maybe it’s not. “They can’t do anything to you, Kristopher. They are our parents. Besides a little yelling and another hit to your face,” his eyes linger on the still reddened spot on Kris’s cheek, “they can’t do anything.”
Kris now realizes why Daniel seems so many years younger than he does. He’s not living in the fear of their parents, constantly worrying what is going to happen if he steps just one foot out of line.
They don’t say anything else after that, but Kris keeps thinking about it as they take their seats at the table. His father has somehow managed to make sure every seat is filled at their table so there is no room for Adam or Leila. A part of that angers Kris, but he can’t say he wasn’t expecting it.
Over at another table, he sees Leila and an empty chair next to hers. His eyes travel up to see that she is already staring at him. She nods her head a little, motioning towards the direction they came in. Kris brings his hand up to the right side of his face so his mother can’t see, and he mouths, what?
She nods her head in that direction again and mouths something that Kris is pretty sure is Adam. Kris feels a little stutter of his heart.
Adam is waiting for him somewhere.
Kris nods, letting her know that he understands, and Leila turns back to the people at her table, but not before giving an unpleasant look to Kris’s mother at his side.
“I need to use the restroom,” Kris says abruptly, eager to see Adam. It has been hours since he has seen him and that is just too long. “I’m not feeling too well.”
His mother looks at him and he can already tell that she doesn’t believe it, but Daniel goes along with it before she can react. “You mentioned a stomach ache earlier.” Kris wants to hug him.
Another moment and she nods. “Alright, dear,” she says. “Hurry back.”
Kris stands and excuses himself from the others at the table. “I’ll just be a moment.”
His legs quickly carry him around the corner and through the double glass doors. He’s about to thank the two men opening the doors for him, but then he spots Adam and they no longer exist. They slowly take a few steps towards each other and Kris’s heart is thudding loudly in his chest. He wants to touch him more than anything else in the world, but he can’t right now.
“I was afraid you wouldn’t come,” Adam says, a smile stretches on his lips when his eyes flicker down to Kris’s tie. His hands come up to straighten it. “You and your ties.”
When Adam finishes, his knuckles gently grazes Kris’s jaw line before dropping his hands back down to his sides.
Kris licks his lips and looks down shyly. “I needed to see you.”
They stand there in an uncomfortable silence, but in a good way. It’s an ‘I need to get you alone before I go absolutely insane’ kind of uncomfortable. Kris can tell by the fire in Adam’s eyes that he’s feeling the same way right now. They’ve realized that they need each other, and it will be impossible to stay away.
“Do you need to go back?” Adam says eventually.
Kris should go back to his parents and promise to see Adam later. This is so risky. There is no doubt in this mind that his parents will come looking for him in a matter of minutes. But then his mind replays what Daniel said to him. They can’t do anything. There is nothing he hates more than being smacked in the face by his parents, but looking at Adam in front of him, so warm and tall and unbearably gorgeous, Kris knows it would be worth it.
“No,” he says, puffing his chest out confidently. “I’m staying with you.”
Adam opens his mouth to protest, but Kris stops him. “I’ve been living my life by what they want for too long,” he says. “It’s time to do what I want, and you are what I want. Fuck them.”
Surprised laughter escapes from Adam’s lips. Kris realizes that he has never cursed in front of Adam before, or anybody, really. He runs his hand down Kris’s chest. “You’re right. Fuck ‘em.”
“So what do we d-”
And suddenly there is an echo of Kris’s name from around the corner. He immediately recognizes the voice as his father’s. Their eyes widen and before they can even agree on anything, they take each other’s hand, and run.
-
“Where are we?” Kris whispers. The fingers of his one hand are tightly entwined with Adam’s while the others are curled around Adam’s bicep, staying closely behind him. They ran, and ran, and ran until they both felt winded and far away as possible from his father.
Adam glances at him over his shoulder with a mischievous grin. “Somewhere we’re not supposed to be.”
They walk for a while, trying to open doors but each one is locked. He knows that they are deep down in the ship, probably where nobody except the crew is supposed to be. Finally, when Adam turns the doorknob to one of the doors towards the end of the hallway, it opens. He quickly pokes his head inside and turns on a light. The room is empty, for the most part, besides some giant cabinets that Kris assumes is for storage, but he doesn’t care enough to go snooping.
Kris turns to lock the door behind him. His palms are suddenly slick with sweat and his heart is beating furiously. The room seems so still. The only sound he hears is Adam’s breath from behind him. Kris messes with the lock on the door longer than he needs to, trying to take a moment to compose himself.
Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath, and turns around. Adam’s jacket is off and tossed to the floor. His eyes are flickering around the room while messing with unbuttoning the sleeves of his shirt. Their eyes eventually meet, and the smile on Adam’s lips is sweet. It calms Kris a bit, and makes him feel okay about what might happen.
He slowly takes small steps towards Adam. This feeling he has is completely new to Kris. It’s like this flame burning inside of him. He needs it, whatever Adam is willing to give him.
“Kris,” Adam whispers so low that he could barely hear it. Kris is close to him now, having to tilt his chin up just to look at Adam’s face. He lifts his hand and slowly runs two fingers down Adam’s cheek, his neck, resting his palm against his open collar. His skin is smooth and there are freckles. Kris wants to open the rest of his shirt to see exactly how many there are.
He decides to do just that.
He brings his shaky hands to the buttons of Adam’s shirt, unbuttoning the first, and then the second. His eyes flicker up to meet Adam’s as he leans in, pressing a kiss against the soft, warm skin. The look in Adam’s eyes lets Kris know that this is okay, that Adam wants it as well. His gaze is dark and intense, looking at Kris like he wants to ravish him.
They have never even spoken about this. It was never his intention when he had gotten up to meet Adam. But, as soon as the door closed behind them, there was no way that it wasn’t going to happen. These past few days have been crazy and intense, turning their lives upside-down and barely giving them a chance to breathe. Kris needs this release. He needs to feel Adam all around him.
“Are you sure?” Adam gasps as Kris continues to kiss a trail from his neck to his chest, his hands still unbuttoning Adam’s shirt, one by one until it falls open. Kris slides his hands in beneath the soft material and places them on Adam’s stomach.
“I want this,” he mumbles against the skin of Adam’s collar bone, his voice so desperate that it surprises him. “Please, Adam.”
The only warning Kris gets is the groan ripped from Adam’s throat before his back is pressed against the wall and Adam’s mouth is on his. It reminds him of earlier, in the gymnasium, only now Adam’s shirt is halfway off his body and Kris gets to touch all of that skin.
Adam must suddenly realize that Kris is still fully clothed because his hands become frantic, pulling and tugging on Kris’s clothing, trying to get everything off at once but not wanting to break the kiss. Adam keeps sucking on his tongue and nipping at his lips; Kris thinks he could get off on just that alone. But judging by how desperate Adam is to get Kris’s belt off, he knows Adam has plans for him.
He drops his head back, needing a moment to breathe, and Adam attacks his neck, biting and probably leaving marks. Suddenly Kris’s pants drop to the floor, pooling around his ankles, and he feels the cool air against his skin. It sobers him a little, making him realize that, oh my god, this is for real. And then Adam sinks to his knees and mouths at Kris’s cock through his underwear. He loses all train of thought after that.
Adam’s breath is hot and Kris can feel it seeping through the material of his underwear. He runs his tongue along Kris’s length, sucking at the wet spot where the head is leaking. Kris grasps at the walls for anything that will keep his knees from buckling.
Adam peels Kris’s underwear off and Kris doesn’t have time to feel self-conscious because there are fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking slowly. “I’ve been wanting to do this to you ever since I laid eyes on you,” Adam whispers, looking up at him, eyes wild and predatory. “You were standing there looking so innocent. I wanted to devour you.”
Kris gasps as Adam squeezes his cock, his head slamming hard against the wall. He opens his mouth and breathes, “Then do it.”
And Adam does.
His hands grasp Kris’s hips so hard that it will bruise, and then he swallows Kris whole. He lets out an embarrassing squeak and his hands bury themselves in Adam’s thick black hair, pulling hard. Kris bucks his hips, fucking the wet, tight heat of Adam’s mouth. He isn’t sure if he’s supposed to do that, but then he feels Adam moan around his cock.
Adam does a trick with his tongue and Kris is coming down his throat. He hadn’t expected to last long. How could he? Nobody has ever touched him there other than himself. He never knew it was possible for someone else to make him feel so good. His body is spent and tired, but he also feels like he’s intoxicated, all at once.
Still on his knees, Adam is lapping at Kris’s cock with his tongue. Kris has to push him away because it’s too much. He can’t help the moan that escapes his lips at the sight of Adam’s mouth-red and wet from spit and his come. Kris pulls Adam up to his feet and grabs his face with his hands, leaning in to lick his mouth clean.
He hears Adam fumbling with his own belt, in a hurry to get naked. Kris tugs the shirt that was already halfway off of Adam and tosses it to the floor, letting his hands roam over Adam’s back. And then when he hears Adam’s belt hit the floor, Adam is pulling him close so Kris can feel him, hot and hard against his stomach.
His hand slithers down to touch Adam. Kris doesn’t even have to look to feel how big it is. He hears Adam suck in a breath, his mouth open and panting as Kris begins to stroke him. “What do you want?” Kris asks, looking down to watch his hand wrapped around Adam’s cock. He wants to make Adam lose control just like he had moments ago. “Tell me what you want.”
Adam buries his face in Kris’s neck, his breath hot and damp. “This,” he breathes, his fingers digging into Kris’s back, his nails breaking the skin. “Just… don’t stop,” he begs, “please.”
Kris starts stroking him faster, wanting to get him off, wanting to see him come. Adam starts thrusting in his hand, Kris’s name repeatedly on his lips. Kris feels teeth sink into the spot where his neck meets his shoulder, and then Adam is coming all over his hand. He strokes until Adam bats his hand away, hugging Kris even closer to him. Kris wraps his arms around Adam’s trembling body, rubbing his clean hand in smooth circles on his back.
Adam’s weight is heavy, Kris trapped between his warm body and the wall. He can hear Adam murmuring unintelligible things in his ear, and he thinks he might have caught an I love you.
-
They make a makeshift bed on the floor and use their pants as pillows and their jackets as blankets. It isn’t comfortable at all, but having Adam snuggled close makes it okay. They both doze off for a while, and Kris wakes first, enjoying the view of a sleeping Adam. He runs his fingers down Adam’s arm, over the freckles and the light hair, stopping at Adam’s fingers. His eyes flutter open as Kris brings the hand to his mouth and presses a kiss to the tip of each finger, and then entwines them with his own.
“So it wasn’t just a magnificent dream,” Adam laughs, leaning in to leave a trail of soft kisses along Kris’s jaw. Kris inhales sharply when Adam scrapes his teeth against the skin there. His lips linger on a spot just under Kris’s ear.
He pulls back after leaving a small bruise under Kris’s ear that will probably fade soon. Kris looks at Adam and feels like he hasn’t had enough time to memorize this face yet-the freckles on his bottom lip, the bridge of his nose, the shape of his soft pink lips.
“You’re perfect,” Kris says simply. It just feels like something that needs to be spoken aloud. This beautiful, beautiful man is the most wonderful person Kris has ever met in his life. As scary as it is to admit, Kris needs him. Right now, every day, and forever.
Adam opens his mouth, most likely to protest, but Kris doesn’t want him to. So he touches Adam’s face and tells him, “I want to go with you.”
“With me?” Adam asks. There is a twinge of excitement in his voice, like he knows what Kris is saying, but he’s skeptical.
“When the ship docks,” Kris takes a deep breath before finishing, “I’m getting off with you.”
There isn’t a smile on his lips like Kris had expected, and he begins to fear that maybe Adam doesn’t want this anymore. He’s looking down at Kris carefully, studying his eyes for a long moment.
“And you’re certain?” he asks, a little hesitant.
Kris nods, tangling his fingers in Adam’s hair to bring him down for a kiss. “Yes,” he murmurs against Adam’s mouth, feeling his lips curve into a smile against his own.
In a swift movement, Adam is on top of him, covering Kris’s naked body with his own. The moment goes from light and playful, to serious. Adam is kissing him like he wants Kris to know that he’s making the right decision, that he won’t regret it.
Kris believes him.
-
“We need to go,” Kris says, tilting his neck up to give Adam better access and not making any movement towards the door.
They managed to get their clothes back on. It was a slow, teasing process that involved Adam kissing and nipping at his exposed skin. Kris starts to get hard again just thinking about it-not that Adam sucking on his neck doesn’t help-but they really, really need to leave. He knows his parents are out searching for him. They probably have people helping them search. It’s only a matter of time before they’re caught.
“I don’t want to,” Adam whines, lifting his head from the curve of Kris’s neck to kiss his mouth instead. “I want to be with you.”
Kris knows Adam is playing, but it makes him feel a pain in his gut because he doesn’t know when they’ll have time like this again. He told Adam he’d get off the ship with him, and he wants to, more than anything in the world, but he doesn’t know how to make that happen.
He pushes himself up on his toes and wraps his arms around Adam’s neck for a hug. “I want to be with you, too,” Kris says, and they stand there holding each other.
And then the ship begins to shake.
part three