Cant believe I'm posting when I'm in FL
The FL trip isnt going as well as I would have liked. Having fun, but definitely isnt helping anything between Steve and I. He wants to do bars. I want to do everglades. idk. stupid things keep interferring. Always seems to be something. And just to keep things exciting, Blake text me Sunday night. Ignores me for a few months, then decides to text while I'm in FL with Steve - Perfect! On top of that, grandpa left the hospital today; going home on hospice. Hoping I can at least make it home for his funeral.
I dont understand why life has to be so difficult. I feel like everything is a struggle. We watched "Yes Man" tonight and I feel like Jim Carey, before the seminar. I ignore calls to go out, even though if I got my butt out, I'm sure I'd have a good time. I need to get myself out of this rut, that I cant seem to stay out of. I love my job and most of the ppl I work with, but my boss is a freaking ankle biter. I wish I could be home more. When I am home, I try to see everyone. Friends. Dad. Kevin. Never seems to be enough time. I wish I could see my friends more. Tracy, Shila, KP, Kari. Good God I never see these girls anymore!! Cant remember the last time we went out drinking & dancing. I wish I had a relationship I was happy with. Feel like I'm always mad at Steve. I think I want so much more, and he's content with the way his life is. Why should he have to change to make me happy? He's a great person and I wish I could keep him as a friend, but life doesnt work that way. I have so many things that need to change in my life that I dont know where to start.
It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe
That's theres no way out for you and me
And it seems to be the story of our life
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, I can't change your mind
I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be
I dont understand why life has to be so difficult. I feel like everything is a struggle. We watched "Yes Man" tonight and I feel like Jim Carey, before the seminar. I ignore calls to go out, even though if I got my butt out, I'm sure I'd have a good time. I need to get myself out of this rut, that I cant seem to stay out of. I love my job and most of the ppl I work with, but my boss is a freaking ankle biter. I wish I could be home more. When I am home, I try to see everyone. Friends. Dad. Kevin. Never seems to be enough time. I wish I could see my friends more. Tracy, Shila, KP, Kari. Good God I never see these girls anymore!! Cant remember the last time we went out drinking & dancing. I wish I had a relationship I was happy with. Feel like I'm always mad at Steve. I think I want so much more, and he's content with the way his life is. Why should he have to change to make me happy? He's a great person and I wish I could keep him as a friend, but life doesnt work that way. I have so many things that need to change in my life that I dont know where to start.
It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe
That's theres no way out for you and me
And it seems to be the story of our life
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, I can't change your mind
I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be