Too Much To Swallow
Have you ever had a time in your life when there just seems to be too much to swallow. I mean, it seems like for the past few weeks I've had to seriously think about certain things that go on in my life that I didn't even know about. Over the past few weeks I found out some things that even I didn't think were possible. I've done so much thinking that it got me sick for quite sometime. You know how it is, you stay up late because you can't sleep, and when you try sleeping everything seems to get even bigger and you find yourself in your bed looking up at the celling wondering why things had to be the way that they are. I mean look at it. From not being able to sleep, I got myself sick. I think that I should start keeping a sleep journal that should help me with my sleep deprivation. Who knows.?
Anyway, I'm honestly so happy that it's still spring break because I'm a little tired of dealing or listening to people that only care about themselves. I try so hard to help people but I guess I'm not too good in that department. I feel bad. I feel bad about things such as talking about my Gabriel. I know that people know that I love him so much, but I'm very sure that everybody is getting tired of me talking about him all the time. He just makes me happy. I don't talk him just to bug people. I just think that some people don't understand what it's like to constantly think about a person and just want to be with one person as much as possible because you love that person. One day those people will understand, I hope.
Another thing that's been on my mind lately is the friendships that I've lost for various reasons. And whomever reads this, I hope you know what I'm talking about. I was talking to my mom about this certain subject, and I kept running into the fact that most of my friends from church really haven't been there for me. Honestly, it kinda scares me. For those of you who don't know me, I'm a Christian. And my friends from church are the people that I should be looking to for help and comfort. But lately, well, actually over the past year and four months, my friends from church haven't been supportive of anything that I do. They don't understand that I'm a busy person, I work hard in school, I study like crazy, I'm dealing with family problems,and I have to maintain who I am. I'm not saying that all I care about is myself, but what I am saying is that I've spent a lot of my time caring for people who couldn't give a rip about what's been happening in my life. That brings me back to Gabriel. You see, he understands me on a level that nobody else does. I understand him too. He's been there for me when it seemed like nobody would be there for me. I've been able to talk to him without being afraid or judged. I have friend who would do the same thing for me as I would for them. Those friends I have at school. My non-Christian friends support so much more than my Christian friends. Hopefully some of that makes sense.
Oh well. Eventually I'll rant about some more stuff. But for now, I'm going to stop because for the readers and my sake, I don't want to bore you if I haven't already. I'm sorry for such a long journal entry.
Anyway, I'm honestly so happy that it's still spring break because I'm a little tired of dealing or listening to people that only care about themselves. I try so hard to help people but I guess I'm not too good in that department. I feel bad. I feel bad about things such as talking about my Gabriel. I know that people know that I love him so much, but I'm very sure that everybody is getting tired of me talking about him all the time. He just makes me happy. I don't talk him just to bug people. I just think that some people don't understand what it's like to constantly think about a person and just want to be with one person as much as possible because you love that person. One day those people will understand, I hope.
Another thing that's been on my mind lately is the friendships that I've lost for various reasons. And whomever reads this, I hope you know what I'm talking about. I was talking to my mom about this certain subject, and I kept running into the fact that most of my friends from church really haven't been there for me. Honestly, it kinda scares me. For those of you who don't know me, I'm a Christian. And my friends from church are the people that I should be looking to for help and comfort. But lately, well, actually over the past year and four months, my friends from church haven't been supportive of anything that I do. They don't understand that I'm a busy person, I work hard in school, I study like crazy, I'm dealing with family problems,and I have to maintain who I am. I'm not saying that all I care about is myself, but what I am saying is that I've spent a lot of my time caring for people who couldn't give a rip about what's been happening in my life. That brings me back to Gabriel. You see, he understands me on a level that nobody else does. I understand him too. He's been there for me when it seemed like nobody would be there for me. I've been able to talk to him without being afraid or judged. I have friend who would do the same thing for me as I would for them. Those friends I have at school. My non-Christian friends support so much more than my Christian friends. Hopefully some of that makes sense.
Oh well. Eventually I'll rant about some more stuff. But for now, I'm going to stop because for the readers and my sake, I don't want to bore you if I haven't already. I'm sorry for such a long journal entry.