ughhh
i am not in a good mood at all.
i had to lifeguard today, and it was so cold out.. and it was rainy... and the kids were devils. i had to pull one girl out, another girl jumped off the swing set and possibly broke her neck and was rushed to the hospital... not a good day at boulder ridge. on top of that, i talked to jeff for maybe a total of like 15 minutes all day today.
i hate not working with him. ihate the fact that i can't see him every day. and lately by the time we both get out of work, we're so tired out and usually not in good moods. i was talking to kyle about it at work the other night. i feel like im always bitching to him because when i go to his house he just wants to relax, talk to his friends and what not, and im not happy with that. i'd much rather just have him spend those last 2 hours with me. maybe im being a brat and being selfish, but i feel like in this situation im allowed to be. its like i feel neglected. maybe i just crave attention or something and am completely unaware of it. i just feel like i have to fight for jeff's attention lately, and it just seems like im losing the fight every time something interesting comes his way.
i can't even remember the last time i did something with just him. i wanted to be with just him last friday, but as usual, it turned into dinner by ourselves, but the rest of the night with his friends. and its not that i mind his friends. i think they're fabulous. but he forgets that i didn't go to high school with all of them, and i am completely out of the loop 99% of the time because i never have a clue what they're talking about. and they're always so nice to me and try to include me in things, but it still doesnt change the fact that i never really know what is going on. and this is where it always becomes such a struggle. the past few times we have all gone out, his friends have talked to me more than he has. there is something seriously wrong with that. i feel like sometimes he forgets that he has to keep an eye on me and not focus so heavily on everyone else around him. if he wants to hang out with his friends, i have no problem with that at all. i just don't wanna be dragged along if im going to be totally ignored. and that's just hwo i feel lately. like i'm being ignored. and now that im at his house every night after work, he always goes onto his computer while im there and talks to his friends and what not and completely ignores the fact that im sitting there on his couch, eagerly waiting to talk to him. its like he forgets that i am coming to see HIM, not relax on his couch by mself to watch tv, which always ends up being sportscenter, NBA, or sportscenter...
i don't know why this is getting to me so much all of a sudden, but it really is. i just don't feel like a priority anymore. maybe things have gotten so comfortable that he has forgotten that above all, i am his girlfriend and that i would never act that way towards him. i know that if the roles were ever reversed, he'd be furious. i just want him to realize that i do need attention. and that after being at boulder ridge from 8:30 to 3:00, and then Gap 5:00 to 9:00, all i want to do is be with him. that's all i want. and all im asking is for him to a) want to be around me b) show some interest in me and c) not neglect me. like i said before, maybe i'm being a selfish brat, but i don't think asking for a little bit of attention in a relationship is that bad when you've been together for a year. i honestly love him so incredibly much, to an extent that i didn't even know was possible. and i know he loves me, and i never quesiton that for a second. it just feels as if he finds me boring now, or atleast not nearly as exciting as his friends, basketball, or the internet.
on top of this situation, i haven't had time for anything because of work. i work literally all the time. i'm getting so burned out and the summer is just starting. i haven't been able to see any of my friends at all. and to top all of this off, my best friend in the whole world who ihaven't seen since march is halfway across the world in hawaii right now, and i won't be able to see her probably until christmas. and my other two best friends are currently living together ont he upper west side of manhattan, while i am home in connecticut trying to prevent spoiled rich brats from beating each other with noodles by the pool... maybe its this horrible weather getting to me. maybe its the fact that all the people i love the most are all at such a distance from me. i just dont get it.
enough blabbing on for me. hopefuly i'll be in a better mood tomorrow. and is hould be getting to bed since i have to leave for work in like 8 hours...
i had to lifeguard today, and it was so cold out.. and it was rainy... and the kids were devils. i had to pull one girl out, another girl jumped off the swing set and possibly broke her neck and was rushed to the hospital... not a good day at boulder ridge. on top of that, i talked to jeff for maybe a total of like 15 minutes all day today.
i hate not working with him. ihate the fact that i can't see him every day. and lately by the time we both get out of work, we're so tired out and usually not in good moods. i was talking to kyle about it at work the other night. i feel like im always bitching to him because when i go to his house he just wants to relax, talk to his friends and what not, and im not happy with that. i'd much rather just have him spend those last 2 hours with me. maybe im being a brat and being selfish, but i feel like in this situation im allowed to be. its like i feel neglected. maybe i just crave attention or something and am completely unaware of it. i just feel like i have to fight for jeff's attention lately, and it just seems like im losing the fight every time something interesting comes his way.
i can't even remember the last time i did something with just him. i wanted to be with just him last friday, but as usual, it turned into dinner by ourselves, but the rest of the night with his friends. and its not that i mind his friends. i think they're fabulous. but he forgets that i didn't go to high school with all of them, and i am completely out of the loop 99% of the time because i never have a clue what they're talking about. and they're always so nice to me and try to include me in things, but it still doesnt change the fact that i never really know what is going on. and this is where it always becomes such a struggle. the past few times we have all gone out, his friends have talked to me more than he has. there is something seriously wrong with that. i feel like sometimes he forgets that he has to keep an eye on me and not focus so heavily on everyone else around him. if he wants to hang out with his friends, i have no problem with that at all. i just don't wanna be dragged along if im going to be totally ignored. and that's just hwo i feel lately. like i'm being ignored. and now that im at his house every night after work, he always goes onto his computer while im there and talks to his friends and what not and completely ignores the fact that im sitting there on his couch, eagerly waiting to talk to him. its like he forgets that i am coming to see HIM, not relax on his couch by mself to watch tv, which always ends up being sportscenter, NBA, or sportscenter...
i don't know why this is getting to me so much all of a sudden, but it really is. i just don't feel like a priority anymore. maybe things have gotten so comfortable that he has forgotten that above all, i am his girlfriend and that i would never act that way towards him. i know that if the roles were ever reversed, he'd be furious. i just want him to realize that i do need attention. and that after being at boulder ridge from 8:30 to 3:00, and then Gap 5:00 to 9:00, all i want to do is be with him. that's all i want. and all im asking is for him to a) want to be around me b) show some interest in me and c) not neglect me. like i said before, maybe i'm being a selfish brat, but i don't think asking for a little bit of attention in a relationship is that bad when you've been together for a year. i honestly love him so incredibly much, to an extent that i didn't even know was possible. and i know he loves me, and i never quesiton that for a second. it just feels as if he finds me boring now, or atleast not nearly as exciting as his friends, basketball, or the internet.
on top of this situation, i haven't had time for anything because of work. i work literally all the time. i'm getting so burned out and the summer is just starting. i haven't been able to see any of my friends at all. and to top all of this off, my best friend in the whole world who ihaven't seen since march is halfway across the world in hawaii right now, and i won't be able to see her probably until christmas. and my other two best friends are currently living together ont he upper west side of manhattan, while i am home in connecticut trying to prevent spoiled rich brats from beating each other with noodles by the pool... maybe its this horrible weather getting to me. maybe its the fact that all the people i love the most are all at such a distance from me. i just dont get it.
enough blabbing on for me. hopefuly i'll be in a better mood tomorrow. and is hould be getting to bed since i have to leave for work in like 8 hours...