emotions running wild
i hate this feeling. i feel so helpless. i hate having emotions. they're so crappy, all they do is put you in vulnerable situations. i hate the situation im in right now. its like a dead end, and i put myself there. i've done all of this to myself. everything thing say to people comes back to me somehow in a twisted exaggeration of what i said to begin with. even my closest friends. it's like i cant trust anyone anymore, everywhere i go someone is being two-faced. i hate it. these days i seem to be hating a lot...my dad for one. i cannot stand him anymore, if he bitches at me one more time for something that is completely irrelevant...thats it, im gonna bitch him out so bad. i cannot wait to get out of here. and i hate the way i am. its not that i hate myself, i just hate the mental blocks that i have. i hate the way i handle some situations. i get such a headache from thinking about things, sometimes i just want to give up and say "fuck everything" it seems like nothing is worth it. nothing is ever worth it anymore. the last time i was REALLY happy was...this summer. at the beginning. when i was with Cat. other than that...the rest has been small spurts of true happiness few and far apart. i need to find the people and things that make me happy, and just leave everything else behind. as hard as that may be now, in the end it will be worth it...hopefully. i cant do this anymore, i need to let my frustrations out...
<3
<3