Husband Fluffer

Mar 24, 2010 17:01

I read an article in Cosmo (of all things!) yesterday that hit the nail on the head for me.

I am a "husband fluffer".

You know how in porn there are the girls who get the guys ready? Well that's me, with my boyfriends and marriage. Every single guy I've dated longer than 6 months has married the girl after me. I'm tempted to start marketing myself:

"Hey guys! Wanna get married and have babies and all that shit? Well date me for 6 months! No, no, don't worry- you won't be marrying me. But within 90 days of us having an incredibly painful and emotionally draining breakup, you will find Mrs. Right, and I will find a new therapist.* You two will be very happy together, and you won't have to worry if you should tell me all about it- this offer includes the "guilt-free" package in which we can rekindle our 'friendship' after two months and you can tell me what a great person I am while offering trite and tired love advice. Act quickly, because Mrs. Right is out there, waiting for you!"

*LJ is the closest thing I've ever had to a therapist.
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