(no subject)
last night, i broke down.
maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the stuffy, sweaty room, or the dirty uggs. but for some reason i dont think it was any of that. i think it was me.
since i got here, ive felt insecure, ugly, fat, and unwanted. everyone else seems to have these amazing guys who theyre hooking up with. my two best friends have that. and i dont. i dont understand.
ive never thought of myself as really ugly. no matter what ive said in the past, i knew that i wasnt hideous. and maybe that sounds really conceited, but its the truth. but now, i feel it.
so, sitting on a bench on 31st street and st paul, i let it all out. with 2 amazing girls on each of my side, i put my head down and cried like i never had. people walked by and thought i was sick from the alcohol, asking "is she ok?" and i wasnt. but what i got out of this is that i have met 2 people that really truly care. i cant describe in words how thankful i am to have them, how mcuh better they made me feel, and how they understood me. because i guess i havent had that for a long time.
sometimes, a good cry is all you need.
maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the stuffy, sweaty room, or the dirty uggs. but for some reason i dont think it was any of that. i think it was me.
since i got here, ive felt insecure, ugly, fat, and unwanted. everyone else seems to have these amazing guys who theyre hooking up with. my two best friends have that. and i dont. i dont understand.
ive never thought of myself as really ugly. no matter what ive said in the past, i knew that i wasnt hideous. and maybe that sounds really conceited, but its the truth. but now, i feel it.
so, sitting on a bench on 31st street and st paul, i let it all out. with 2 amazing girls on each of my side, i put my head down and cried like i never had. people walked by and thought i was sick from the alcohol, asking "is she ok?" and i wasnt. but what i got out of this is that i have met 2 people that really truly care. i cant describe in words how thankful i am to have them, how mcuh better they made me feel, and how they understood me. because i guess i havent had that for a long time.
sometimes, a good cry is all you need.