Mommy issues.

[peachblack]

Today has been good to me though I didn't manage to get a wink of sleep last night. I did half an hour of yoga (after abandoning it for so long!), did laundry, planned my life, found optimism within myself and realize that my life is not a dead end and came up with an agenda for the day which includes working my way towards being a better version of myself. And then Ummi woke up. And the tone of the house suddenly changed. As if her presence brings about a black cloud looming over our heads. I begin to wonder why our relationship is so strained and then it occurred to me that my mother is unhappy. And we all know how easy it is for unhappiness to rub off on others for misery loves company. Don't get me wrong. Ummi is not miserable. She is a staunch Muslim and generally, Muslims are a grateful bunch of people. But she worries about her three children so much, it engulfs her. I cannot for the life of me remember the last time she smiled sincerely. This worries me. How do I be happy and optimistic around a negative mother? I shouldn't be blaming her. It is a mother's nature to worry. But every time she looks at me, it's either the look of disappointment or worry or even sadness. She probably blames herself for how I turned out.

How do I live with myself?
How do I live with her?

Ok, I'm sleepy so this entry may be full of grammatical errors or may be incoherent or may have awful sentence structure. Just a disclaimer.