beating up myself a little
I dreamt of you and her last night. It was simply awful. I woke up this morning, aware that i had had some long drawn out dream, yet I couldnt remember what it was about. But somewhere between W 57 ave, Sunset on flagler, and Kelly Clarkson's Behind These Hazel eyes, i remembered, and burst into tears. So i drove the rest of the way to work with a bitter taste on my lips from the rivulet forming across my cheek. "i used to be so strong." I bet you dont know about my mother, or my trip to Tampa, or my aunt leaving, or the court, the drama or nothing. You are free i suppose and i am the bloody shreds of clothing left dangling from the barbed wire fence. I had hoped to meet you on the other side. Sometimes I build the fences too high. Somehow ill have to find another way out. I've been stumbling along, trying to catch my breath, trying to catch the horizon, but glasses dont clear my vision, shoes just hurt my burnt feet, clothes dont hide the naked feeling beneath my skin.
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Ok well, I got that out i suppose... w/e I dont know if things happen for a reason, or even if the alternatives are better. This summer ive been able to develope some worthwhile relationships with some people that were always there, but through my glazed eyes- half asleep on my desk, focused on just getting out alive, I never got to know. I wish i had realised this earlier, but it is never too late. There are 2-3 weeks left of this crazy little world we have created for ourselves: 9-5 work for me, gym for them, poker, pizza, swimming, sunburns, chek cola, cooking in my kitchen, outrageous sunglasses, Ali g., british slang, thefacebook (which for somereason wont let me sign on anymore-perhaps this is an intervention of sorts), road trips with my best friend, 2 am drive throughs, starbucks coffee, reggeaton, falling asleep on the floor, the Golden Ratio, nearly sleepless nights, block buster, and of course, knowing that there is always a place to go at 10 pm to watch movies or just eat sugar covered bugs. I'm going to miss all of you so much. All i can say is thank you for giving me all that.
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Ok well, I got that out i suppose... w/e I dont know if things happen for a reason, or even if the alternatives are better. This summer ive been able to develope some worthwhile relationships with some people that were always there, but through my glazed eyes- half asleep on my desk, focused on just getting out alive, I never got to know. I wish i had realised this earlier, but it is never too late. There are 2-3 weeks left of this crazy little world we have created for ourselves: 9-5 work for me, gym for them, poker, pizza, swimming, sunburns, chek cola, cooking in my kitchen, outrageous sunglasses, Ali g., british slang, thefacebook (which for somereason wont let me sign on anymore-perhaps this is an intervention of sorts), road trips with my best friend, 2 am drive throughs, starbucks coffee, reggeaton, falling asleep on the floor, the Golden Ratio, nearly sleepless nights, block buster, and of course, knowing that there is always a place to go at 10 pm to watch movies or just eat sugar covered bugs. I'm going to miss all of you so much. All i can say is thank you for giving me all that.