wedding wonderfulness?
Ok, I am mostly done seething about this and feel as though I am now able to update everyone on
So I flew my sorry butt out to wisconsin last weekend for W.'s sister's wedding. I was so super excited and had this amazingly hot outfit for the wedding and was definitely going into it thinking that we were going to patch things up. I had just about every reason to think that as we had a really amazing get together the weekend before in Cleveland and although postponed the official "where are we going and what are we doing" discussion, it definitely seemed that he had done the requisite growing and changing, and I knew I was in a far better place. and I realized that I was definitely still in love with him.
fast forward to wisconsin: william is a cold-hearted jerk to me most of the weekend. I think I spent 3/4 of my time there in tears. He is standoffish and distant and keeps putting me down, especially when I ask him to be kinder or to pay me mind. The wedding on saturday absolutely rocked, until about halfway through the reception. I should preface this by mentioning that William's mother has 11 siblings and his father has 6 siblings and they all have spouses and most have multiple children. So at one point during the reception, after an evening of much the same, William walked away while we were in the midst of talking to one of his relatives together. No big deal. He had been walking away a lot throughout the evening but I was dealing with it, albeit a bit hurt as no one else's dates were comparatively abandoning them. . . So William, all of the agegroup cousins, the bride, the groom, all their college friends, and the little sister seem to be missing at one point in the evening. I wander out the the drive to see the younger sister getting into a car as fourish other cars are pulling away. People are leaving? Little sister asks me if I want to come with them to the beach to show the cousins. I reply that I'm ok staying here and am going to find William and see what he wants to do. She gives me a funny look but gets into the car and they pull away. I wander off to find William.
Incase you can't see where this is going, he went to the beach. for an hour and a half, without mentioning that he was leaving. And left me at the wedding with all of the older relatives. Who proceeded to repeatedly ask me where he had gone, why he had left without me, and if we were going to be the next wedding (caitlin's thoughts on this: "no, I am currently plotting to murder your nephew and feed him to the hogs..."). I was absolutely humiliated and was very visibly upset, which concerned his parents and his Dad kept asking me what was wrong and if I wanted him to drive me the 15mins to the beach. So I went and hid behind the barn and sobbed. And then William got back eventually (after I had somehow managed to calm down) and asked very innocently "Whats wrong? are you upset for some reason?"
at which point I stormed off and immediately became hysterical again.
Ok, so maybe I am overdramatizing my fury at the situation, but that was a really super shitty thing to do to a date, especially someone that you claim to love and have had four years of partnership and friendship with. my sister is of the opinion that I should never speak to him again. That is thus far proving to be unsuccessful.. I am just so fucking frustrated because I was really doing fine on my own and then he is all sweet and amazing and wonderful to me and reels me back in and now i HURT A LOT. fuck this.
the most fucked up part of it all is that while I realized that there was no way I could allow myself to be treated this way, the back of my head is still looking for something I must have done to deserve this and some way I can somehow mend it all. ... I hate it when I do this "adult child of and alcoholic" thing, its all just so toxic and fucked up.
I just wanna be with someone thats nice to me. I am a really nice person. most of the time.
No, I'm not dwelling. Honest.
So I flew my sorry butt out to wisconsin last weekend for W.'s sister's wedding. I was so super excited and had this amazingly hot outfit for the wedding and was definitely going into it thinking that we were going to patch things up. I had just about every reason to think that as we had a really amazing get together the weekend before in Cleveland and although postponed the official "where are we going and what are we doing" discussion, it definitely seemed that he had done the requisite growing and changing, and I knew I was in a far better place. and I realized that I was definitely still in love with him.
fast forward to wisconsin: william is a cold-hearted jerk to me most of the weekend. I think I spent 3/4 of my time there in tears. He is standoffish and distant and keeps putting me down, especially when I ask him to be kinder or to pay me mind. The wedding on saturday absolutely rocked, until about halfway through the reception. I should preface this by mentioning that William's mother has 11 siblings and his father has 6 siblings and they all have spouses and most have multiple children. So at one point during the reception, after an evening of much the same, William walked away while we were in the midst of talking to one of his relatives together. No big deal. He had been walking away a lot throughout the evening but I was dealing with it, albeit a bit hurt as no one else's dates were comparatively abandoning them. . . So William, all of the agegroup cousins, the bride, the groom, all their college friends, and the little sister seem to be missing at one point in the evening. I wander out the the drive to see the younger sister getting into a car as fourish other cars are pulling away. People are leaving? Little sister asks me if I want to come with them to the beach to show the cousins. I reply that I'm ok staying here and am going to find William and see what he wants to do. She gives me a funny look but gets into the car and they pull away. I wander off to find William.
Incase you can't see where this is going, he went to the beach. for an hour and a half, without mentioning that he was leaving. And left me at the wedding with all of the older relatives. Who proceeded to repeatedly ask me where he had gone, why he had left without me, and if we were going to be the next wedding (caitlin's thoughts on this: "no, I am currently plotting to murder your nephew and feed him to the hogs..."). I was absolutely humiliated and was very visibly upset, which concerned his parents and his Dad kept asking me what was wrong and if I wanted him to drive me the 15mins to the beach. So I went and hid behind the barn and sobbed. And then William got back eventually (after I had somehow managed to calm down) and asked very innocently "Whats wrong? are you upset for some reason?"
at which point I stormed off and immediately became hysterical again.
Ok, so maybe I am overdramatizing my fury at the situation, but that was a really super shitty thing to do to a date, especially someone that you claim to love and have had four years of partnership and friendship with. my sister is of the opinion that I should never speak to him again. That is thus far proving to be unsuccessful.. I am just so fucking frustrated because I was really doing fine on my own and then he is all sweet and amazing and wonderful to me and reels me back in and now i HURT A LOT. fuck this.
the most fucked up part of it all is that while I realized that there was no way I could allow myself to be treated this way, the back of my head is still looking for something I must have done to deserve this and some way I can somehow mend it all. ... I hate it when I do this "adult child of and alcoholic" thing, its all just so toxic and fucked up.
I just wanna be with someone thats nice to me. I am a really nice person. most of the time.
No, I'm not dwelling. Honest.