Look At Me Ma, All Grown Up
So yesterday I told him how I felt. I didn't set out to do it, but he just kept asking me what was wrong. He didn't pressure me to tell him and for a long time we just stood there leaning against his car. At first I tried to avoid it and then he guessed. And then we talked about it. And at the time it hurt and it was frustrating because he said he was attracted to me and didn't want to date me. He said he wished that he did and that he loved me and our friendship meant a lot to him. I was frustrated and gave him a kiss. He didn't let me walk away until he thought I wasn't upset.
And then for a while I was. I took a blanket and sat outside on my backsteps and wondered what was wrong with me. And then I went inside and watched the OC. He got online and asked me how I was and I said cold.
And this morning when I woke up things were different. I realized that I had grown up that night. I may not have done the best job in the confrontation, but I didn't act like a stupid little girl. I didn't walk away, I didn't cry and I didn't lie. I told the truth.
And now? Well now I realize that no matter what the attraction, it's not right. He said he didn't want to date me and I don't want to date him either. It's not a compensation thing, it's the truth. It's just attraction, and we both mean too much to each other for it to just be that. So I told myself that and now I realize that I'm over him. I don't think it's forever, but I know that it's for now.
It feels like a whole chapter of my life has been finished and I finally get to start a new one. This time it's not because of something unfortunate either, but a truly positive instance. For once, growing up and life totally kicks ass.
And then for a while I was. I took a blanket and sat outside on my backsteps and wondered what was wrong with me. And then I went inside and watched the OC. He got online and asked me how I was and I said cold.
And this morning when I woke up things were different. I realized that I had grown up that night. I may not have done the best job in the confrontation, but I didn't act like a stupid little girl. I didn't walk away, I didn't cry and I didn't lie. I told the truth.
And now? Well now I realize that no matter what the attraction, it's not right. He said he didn't want to date me and I don't want to date him either. It's not a compensation thing, it's the truth. It's just attraction, and we both mean too much to each other for it to just be that. So I told myself that and now I realize that I'm over him. I don't think it's forever, but I know that it's for now.
It feels like a whole chapter of my life has been finished and I finally get to start a new one. This time it's not because of something unfortunate either, but a truly positive instance. For once, growing up and life totally kicks ass.