bad news

[peacelephant]

today i found out my grandmalila has bone marrow cancer. shes my dads mom. they found out because she was coughing and she coughed so hard and her bones were so brittle that she cracked a vertebrae in her back. i have a feeling my dad or my uncle will try and get her to let them donate their own bone marrow or whatever. my dad was crying, and its really hard to see that, it made me want to cry too. my grandbob is still here from spending the week taking care of me and devin (my parents were on a cruise- grandbob is grandmalila's ex husband and my dads dad) and when my dad sat next to him in the room and said "mom has cancer" he could barely say it, his voice was all wavery and his eyes were all red and watery. its just really hard to see someone you've always thought of as invincible (consiously or not) be hurt enough to cry. my mom's mom already went thru the whole cancer thing, chemo and all, and it was a horrible process, she wasnt even the same person by the time she died. she was a religious woman and towards the end she said stuff like "im more powerful than god, i wont let him take me!" the last time i talked to her, my mom was taking care of her and called and she said to me "caitlin, grandmom thinks you have died in a car accident. im going to give her the phone and i want you to just tell her whats going on, what youre doing right now, normal stuff, okay?" and i was like "alright" so she handed the phone to grandmom and i hear this feeble "hello?" and im like "hey grandmom. im good, im just doing my homework right now. everythings going good with school. yadda yadda ya" and she barely talks back, maybe just a weak "okay" or something, and then gave the phone back to my mom. my mom told me she thought i was an imposter on the phone and that they all wanted her to think i was dead. she never believed otherwise up until her death. i just dont want to see another grandparent of mine go through that again. its horrible, and the worst thing to watch is how it changes your parents. my mom was so depressed after that and during it. i cant see my dad have that happen to him- hes such a cheery person, hes really the bright light in our family. this would hurt him really bad i think. not to mention loosing grandmalila would obviously be a painful thing. thats why i really wish my dad would quit smoking. it would be so horrible if he had cancer. i cant even think about that right now. uuuugh sorry this is depressing and probably brought you down, i just needed to let it out.
love caitlin