In willoughby this weekend
I had horrible mood swings that day. I found the check at home. I cashed it, everything is fine.
I arrived in Willoughby late last night. I have most of my laundry done and I went to downtown to go the market with my parents. I had a satisfying cup of coffee at the Enclave that is partly a video rental place/band venue/coffee house. I dropped off a shirt to my friend who works at the hair salon. Then, I went to the jewelers to get batteries put in my two watches. Then came to the library, returned a book that was a month overdue, and here I am. It's a good morning.
Except that I still have to purchase a plane ticket and I should do that now since I hardly get the chance to have access to a computer. I'm nervous because I've been looking at the prices, talking to travel agents, and it's real high. This trip is going to cost me. It's my fault for waiting so long. I'm sort of putting it off, even though I know that's costing me more, but I just don't want to deal with ill feelings.
Lately, I have been feeling like a lot of what I do isn't really rightfully appreciated. I guess I feel taken advantage of. For instance, the living rent free in exchange for childcare situation isn't so much a fair deal. It's hard work with three young ones. Especially since these kids have busy lives and I have to be responsible for getting them to places. Adds more stress, you know. Ugh. So, when I get to Italy and finally break free from the mommy role, I'm going to be doing something where, in the end, the pay I get will come to the amount I spent to get out there in the first place. At this point, I need some profit. I deserve it.
I want to write more about the experiences I have with the children I'm with. They're so damn interesting. I care about them so much.
I ended things with Marcus. I'm too concerned with myself to be involved with another. And this may be a snobby thing to say, but I see myself with someone who has more potential then he did. He wasn't very ambitious and I didn't find him to be passionate about anything. There wasn't a goal he was striving for. Not that he doesn't challenge himself or is not reflective. Actually, maybe I don't know. I seriously didn't know him that well.
I'm starting to think...
If I weren't caring for all these kids, which I've grown to become so in love with, I think then I could have the capacity to love another individual in a close, intimate way. I just got all the love I need right now.
I arrived in Willoughby late last night. I have most of my laundry done and I went to downtown to go the market with my parents. I had a satisfying cup of coffee at the Enclave that is partly a video rental place/band venue/coffee house. I dropped off a shirt to my friend who works at the hair salon. Then, I went to the jewelers to get batteries put in my two watches. Then came to the library, returned a book that was a month overdue, and here I am. It's a good morning.
Except that I still have to purchase a plane ticket and I should do that now since I hardly get the chance to have access to a computer. I'm nervous because I've been looking at the prices, talking to travel agents, and it's real high. This trip is going to cost me. It's my fault for waiting so long. I'm sort of putting it off, even though I know that's costing me more, but I just don't want to deal with ill feelings.
Lately, I have been feeling like a lot of what I do isn't really rightfully appreciated. I guess I feel taken advantage of. For instance, the living rent free in exchange for childcare situation isn't so much a fair deal. It's hard work with three young ones. Especially since these kids have busy lives and I have to be responsible for getting them to places. Adds more stress, you know. Ugh. So, when I get to Italy and finally break free from the mommy role, I'm going to be doing something where, in the end, the pay I get will come to the amount I spent to get out there in the first place. At this point, I need some profit. I deserve it.
I want to write more about the experiences I have with the children I'm with. They're so damn interesting. I care about them so much.
I ended things with Marcus. I'm too concerned with myself to be involved with another. And this may be a snobby thing to say, but I see myself with someone who has more potential then he did. He wasn't very ambitious and I didn't find him to be passionate about anything. There wasn't a goal he was striving for. Not that he doesn't challenge himself or is not reflective. Actually, maybe I don't know. I seriously didn't know him that well.
I'm starting to think...
If I weren't caring for all these kids, which I've grown to become so in love with, I think then I could have the capacity to love another individual in a close, intimate way. I just got all the love I need right now.