(no subject)
dear random people commenting in russian on my journal,
nice try.
-me
Last night one of my friend's brother's friends (ie, her brother's friend) came to visit her, and consequently, us. He's an air force dude, as far as I can tell, currently in a job he's not that content with (paper pushing) and probably an intellect too big for it. He seemed kind of like a dude who's taken a beta-male position in the ranks of life because of circumstances or temperament, but is frustrated with it. He was respectful and polite at the beginning of the night, but as the drinks continued he got more sarcastic and I guess some of the military banter came out, which is just really the wrong kind of banter to have with our Wellesley crowd (he called Hillary Clinton something like a "rabid she-bitch" and that he'd prefer Michelle Bachmann as president, despite finding republicans scary himself). To be fair, this was before he learned she was an alum and that was possibly the worst possible thing to say to a bunch of Wellesley kids.
At one point when he'd just clarified that he was straight (oh good, for a moment I was worried you were gay, and that would be terrible) one friend said "I just assume everyone's gay" jokingly, and he said "oh good, so we all start out equally worthless", or something, and I just thought, ok, this is the difference between socialization. Because I honestly can't fault him specifically for that, or for various semi racist comments/jokes made throughout the night (he wasn't caucasian, for the record, but being a person of colour doesn't preclude you from being racist), because I imagine that's the kind of banter you need to survive in a military environment, where they watch you shower for the first two weeks and, you know, whatever the hell else. That's what you learn to say because it's funny and so easy to do. It's the difference between my best friend apologizing and clarifying after making a comment that accidentally could have been seen as making fun of trans people under intense scrutiny because she understands the context of her words and how they can affect people, and this guy being five or whatever drinks in and spouting out fake Chinese or a Chinese accent which is, by the way, one of my ultimate pet peeves.
Anyway, it's weird because while I can know what that guy is saying is wrong even though I think it's more the fault of his socialization than anything else, I know equally well that I would have to befriend him in order to make any change, which to be honest I wouldn't do unless I didn't have a choice. And I mean, this is what the real world is like, right? If I segregate myself by ideology I'll feel more comfortable, but I'll miss out on knowing people who are genuinely good and interesting because they are ignorant in some ways, and I don't want to have to teach them (because it's not my job). And that's another hard argument- I know that if I were in that situation, I would feel an obligation to at least try and help alleviate someone's ignorance, but I also know and understand the argument that, for example, people of colour shouldn't have to delineate all the ways in which they feel marginalized to white people because if white people really want to know they can figure it out for themselves (oh, hello, conversation had every single finals period at wellesley ever). And there's absolutely no way I can fault those who go "no, fuck those ignorant people, I can't deal with them anymore, they've taken too much from me and I deserved none of it." Because sometimes I feel like that. But then people are changeable, and I still believe that most will alter their ways for good if you give them the chance to. I want to believe the best in people.
That was a long rant without anyone else butting in, so if anyone has counter-opinions please do let me know. This is a blorfed hypothesis rather than a conclusion. I don't think I'll ever be finished thinking about this.
(in other news, I was going to post about how I figured out my summer plans, but then this post already got too long. so maybe later?)
nice try.
-me
Last night one of my friend's brother's friends (ie, her brother's friend) came to visit her, and consequently, us. He's an air force dude, as far as I can tell, currently in a job he's not that content with (paper pushing) and probably an intellect too big for it. He seemed kind of like a dude who's taken a beta-male position in the ranks of life because of circumstances or temperament, but is frustrated with it. He was respectful and polite at the beginning of the night, but as the drinks continued he got more sarcastic and I guess some of the military banter came out, which is just really the wrong kind of banter to have with our Wellesley crowd (he called Hillary Clinton something like a "rabid she-bitch" and that he'd prefer Michelle Bachmann as president, despite finding republicans scary himself). To be fair, this was before he learned she was an alum and that was possibly the worst possible thing to say to a bunch of Wellesley kids.
At one point when he'd just clarified that he was straight (oh good, for a moment I was worried you were gay, and that would be terrible) one friend said "I just assume everyone's gay" jokingly, and he said "oh good, so we all start out equally worthless", or something, and I just thought, ok, this is the difference between socialization. Because I honestly can't fault him specifically for that, or for various semi racist comments/jokes made throughout the night (he wasn't caucasian, for the record, but being a person of colour doesn't preclude you from being racist), because I imagine that's the kind of banter you need to survive in a military environment, where they watch you shower for the first two weeks and, you know, whatever the hell else. That's what you learn to say because it's funny and so easy to do. It's the difference between my best friend apologizing and clarifying after making a comment that accidentally could have been seen as making fun of trans people under intense scrutiny because she understands the context of her words and how they can affect people, and this guy being five or whatever drinks in and spouting out fake Chinese or a Chinese accent which is, by the way, one of my ultimate pet peeves.
Anyway, it's weird because while I can know what that guy is saying is wrong even though I think it's more the fault of his socialization than anything else, I know equally well that I would have to befriend him in order to make any change, which to be honest I wouldn't do unless I didn't have a choice. And I mean, this is what the real world is like, right? If I segregate myself by ideology I'll feel more comfortable, but I'll miss out on knowing people who are genuinely good and interesting because they are ignorant in some ways, and I don't want to have to teach them (because it's not my job). And that's another hard argument- I know that if I were in that situation, I would feel an obligation to at least try and help alleviate someone's ignorance, but I also know and understand the argument that, for example, people of colour shouldn't have to delineate all the ways in which they feel marginalized to white people because if white people really want to know they can figure it out for themselves (oh, hello, conversation had every single finals period at wellesley ever). And there's absolutely no way I can fault those who go "no, fuck those ignorant people, I can't deal with them anymore, they've taken too much from me and I deserved none of it." Because sometimes I feel like that. But then people are changeable, and I still believe that most will alter their ways for good if you give them the chance to. I want to believe the best in people.
That was a long rant without anyone else butting in, so if anyone has counter-opinions please do let me know. This is a blorfed hypothesis rather than a conclusion. I don't think I'll ever be finished thinking about this.
(in other news, I was going to post about how I figured out my summer plans, but then this post already got too long. so maybe later?)