(no subject)
the weirdest thing happened today. I was tripping on c's with brittney and i was lying in my bed kinda resting uneasy and coming in and out of sleep. But as i was staring at my ceiling feeling my heart beat 1542165421 mph i thought to myself, am i going to die? And then it hit me like a damn truck...if i were to die on that bed, at that moment, i would have had no problem with it. At that moment life and death seemed so...blurry, the line between life and death was unclear. life seemed almost like a job, if it was my time to leave, then so be it, can't control it, why fight it, death is no obsticle. Then whatever happens after i died would be out of my control, would i go to some "heaven" like place, or be born as another creature on this earth, or even go into complete nothingness. The point is, is that at that moment i had a sence of carelessness for life, it's not that i WANTED to die, it's just that i wouldn't mind if i did or not. ha, after i thought it i went into the other room, and i wrote about it... couldn't see what i was writting, hell, couldn't see anything, but it creeped me out... a lot..