Cut the stomach out and hand it over
Butterflies have been flying (or swimming?) around in my stomach all day.
Earlier I worked on my applications for transferring schools. I was quite hopeful, excited, but started to grow nervous. Nervous for me usually translates into great big fear.
I've already got the school I wanna go to pretty much settled on, I just gotta see if I'll get in. The cut-off date for transfer students' applications is in mid-July, so I'm pretty good there. However, my current school situation stresses me out. Sigh. I know my cumulative GPA can't be all that great, since I withdrew from my classes the last semester at State. My friend Amanda assures me I'll still be able to get in, because it's an easy school to get into. My high school GPA was pretty kick-ass, so I'm hoping that'll be more important. Anyway, the point?
Oh, yes, if I do go away to a big city for school, how exciting? Starting a life... after much worrying and procrastination. I'm trying to look at all the positives, like... wow, living near the beach and in great weather, and having a friend nearby, possibly a few more friends, and new opportunities. Not the negative stuff like... how 'bout I don't even mention the negatives? I'm definitely going to need my parents' monetary assistance, but I haven't even told them about my plans yet. Not that they can stop me from going. It'll just be a challenge to have them support my decision. I really haven't even told anyone, besides maybe 3 people. There's this odd thing I do, I never tell people (including my family and friends) what my plans for the future are in case it doesn't happen or I get scared and change my mind.
Then I had work. It wasn't bad, I had a moderate amount of graphics. On the break, I went out to dinner with a group of people.
It's Erin's birthday tomorrow, so she invited everyone to Mogger's. On the weekend late shift, unlike the tight morning and midday work-week crew, the people are a bit more segregated. Sure, the newsroom and production people all know each other and get along and go out occassionally. But sometimes I do feel left out when in the group situations, maybe for no reason. Yeah, it's my stupid social imcompetence. The people who went were: Erin, Lindsay, Abby, Brian, Harold, Andy, Scott, Eric and Will, and a few others who I don't really know at all.
When I saw the long table and had to decide on where to sit or who to sit by, I could feel old feelings re-emerging, the ones that I can't stand. I remembered middle and high school and how a lot of the time at lunch, I'd feel like a big ass because I had no one to sit with... my so-called "friends" (hm, I guess I didn't know what friends were back then) were in cliques that I wasn't a part of so I'd sit by myself and painfully try to find ways of passing the time without crying. Some of the most uncomfortable feelings of my life, and I know it's not good to linger on them. It makes me doubt everything about myself and feel like I might be the same way if I go off to the big city.
I eased up, just a bit, though I still was being that quiet person. Scott gave me a beer but I didn't drink it; beer isn't my favorite alcoholic beverage. I don't want to become the type of person who replies on alcohol because of the bad feelings. It's better to enhance good times after you're already having fun. I had quesadillas, quite yummy.
Back at work, my break wasn't over but Will, like always, needed a favor. So I ran prompter so he and Bre could practice anchoring for resume tapes. Brian, Harold, and I goofed around and typed in little misspellings into the teleprompter to try and get them to mess up, but they didn't. They did a swell job of messing up on their own, haha.
During the newscast, the butterflies just seemed to grow, though at that point there wasn't a reason to be nervous. There's never a reason to be nervous.
Afterwards, I skipped to my car. Literally... I put in the same CD I've been listening to all this week, rolled the windows down and felt the calm, warm, breezy air on my face as I drove. Driving with smooth grooves and loud bass always seems to do the trick.
"It's just a ride, it's just a ride, no need to run, no need to hide. It'll take you all around, sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down..." Such a simple pleasure, but it's always my favorite part of my daily routine... Though I don't always know where I'm going or what road to take, there's always that feeling of moving forward.
So now I'm at home, tired and very rambly. I should go to bed. Geez, how did I end up writing so much?
Earlier I worked on my applications for transferring schools. I was quite hopeful, excited, but started to grow nervous. Nervous for me usually translates into great big fear.
I've already got the school I wanna go to pretty much settled on, I just gotta see if I'll get in. The cut-off date for transfer students' applications is in mid-July, so I'm pretty good there. However, my current school situation stresses me out. Sigh. I know my cumulative GPA can't be all that great, since I withdrew from my classes the last semester at State. My friend Amanda assures me I'll still be able to get in, because it's an easy school to get into. My high school GPA was pretty kick-ass, so I'm hoping that'll be more important. Anyway, the point?
Oh, yes, if I do go away to a big city for school, how exciting? Starting a life... after much worrying and procrastination. I'm trying to look at all the positives, like... wow, living near the beach and in great weather, and having a friend nearby, possibly a few more friends, and new opportunities. Not the negative stuff like... how 'bout I don't even mention the negatives? I'm definitely going to need my parents' monetary assistance, but I haven't even told them about my plans yet. Not that they can stop me from going. It'll just be a challenge to have them support my decision. I really haven't even told anyone, besides maybe 3 people. There's this odd thing I do, I never tell people (including my family and friends) what my plans for the future are in case it doesn't happen or I get scared and change my mind.
Then I had work. It wasn't bad, I had a moderate amount of graphics. On the break, I went out to dinner with a group of people.
It's Erin's birthday tomorrow, so she invited everyone to Mogger's. On the weekend late shift, unlike the tight morning and midday work-week crew, the people are a bit more segregated. Sure, the newsroom and production people all know each other and get along and go out occassionally. But sometimes I do feel left out when in the group situations, maybe for no reason. Yeah, it's my stupid social imcompetence. The people who went were: Erin, Lindsay, Abby, Brian, Harold, Andy, Scott, Eric and Will, and a few others who I don't really know at all.
When I saw the long table and had to decide on where to sit or who to sit by, I could feel old feelings re-emerging, the ones that I can't stand. I remembered middle and high school and how a lot of the time at lunch, I'd feel like a big ass because I had no one to sit with... my so-called "friends" (hm, I guess I didn't know what friends were back then) were in cliques that I wasn't a part of so I'd sit by myself and painfully try to find ways of passing the time without crying. Some of the most uncomfortable feelings of my life, and I know it's not good to linger on them. It makes me doubt everything about myself and feel like I might be the same way if I go off to the big city.
I eased up, just a bit, though I still was being that quiet person. Scott gave me a beer but I didn't drink it; beer isn't my favorite alcoholic beverage. I don't want to become the type of person who replies on alcohol because of the bad feelings. It's better to enhance good times after you're already having fun. I had quesadillas, quite yummy.
Back at work, my break wasn't over but Will, like always, needed a favor. So I ran prompter so he and Bre could practice anchoring for resume tapes. Brian, Harold, and I goofed around and typed in little misspellings into the teleprompter to try and get them to mess up, but they didn't. They did a swell job of messing up on their own, haha.
During the newscast, the butterflies just seemed to grow, though at that point there wasn't a reason to be nervous. There's never a reason to be nervous.
Afterwards, I skipped to my car. Literally... I put in the same CD I've been listening to all this week, rolled the windows down and felt the calm, warm, breezy air on my face as I drove. Driving with smooth grooves and loud bass always seems to do the trick.
"It's just a ride, it's just a ride, no need to run, no need to hide. It'll take you all around, sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down..." Such a simple pleasure, but it's always my favorite part of my daily routine... Though I don't always know where I'm going or what road to take, there's always that feeling of moving forward.
So now I'm at home, tired and very rambly. I should go to bed. Geez, how did I end up writing so much?