Maybe tomorrow is a better day
I'd say I've had a really weird day today... Right now I'm not in a bad mood, but i'm not in a good mood either... I'm not going to try and explain everything, for a few reasons... also because it's 2:30 and I'm tired as all hell and exhausted, and my feet hurt, my back hurts, I'm sweaty and smell like grease, and I just want sleep, but I have to stay up to wait for Vince to show up (3:00am)...
I'm so happy that Jo's here now, I missed that mother fucker, haha... that's why I'm not completely in a bad mood, but I'm not in a good mood because of other things... but before I get into that, the good stuff... Yesterday Derrick, Emo Kyle, Murano Kyle, and I, all drove down to Vince's house to see Jo... Dundas and Jarvis is NOT a fun area to be in.. lol... so we were there for about an hour or so, and then we drove back to Sheppards Bush, and had a nice session with four of us (Murano Kyle was driving..)... it was good stuff too... so we walk back to the parking lot, and there's 3 COP CRUISERS in the parking lot... I started freaking out and kyle tore outta there... and then we went on a "Mission for Munchies" at Sobeys.. lol... then we went driving around for a bit (took derrick and emo kyle home) and me and Jo kept thinking we were seeing cop lights on top of cars when they weren't there... it was fucked up but it was a good night... I slept like a baby. Jo said that night was like a video game, haha.
Ok.. now for the LESS happy stuff.. first off... here's some things that I CAN understand... If someone is in a bad mood before they even talk to you, then I can understand them being edgy, and it is nice of them to mention that they aren't in the best of moods... I can also understand certain things setting them off a little more than usual...
What I DON'T understand, and shouldn't have to, is someone COMPLETELY getting pissed off at you over NOTHING, when you KNOW that they wouldn't be if they were in a civil mood... and also when they bring up shit from however long ago and just start plain blaming you for everything wrong with the world... Look, I know what I've done wrong, and at least I admit to it, you're not perfect either, just for a news flash.
It's just childish.. honest to god childish... fucking teenage drama bullshit, and frankly I'm completely sick of it. I'm going to bring one of those little tape recorder things to school one day, and record any little spits and spats that I have so that I can play them back to the person I argued with when they are civil and show them exactly how stupid they're being... It'd probably help me too, but it'd probably open another pair of eyes too... Yea I've made some pretty fucked up mistakes, and I've tried absolutely everything I can to fix it, I'm not going to be a fucking trained dog though, I'm not going to run my life according to anyone else, I'm fucking 18 for heaven sakes, i'm not fucking 12, I can take care of myself... I understand if it would bother you, and I've changed a lot about myself just so that you can be happy, I know it doesn't seem like shit to you but it was hard for me to change a lot of things, and if you don't think that's true then you don't know me and you don't love me. Caring about me doesn't mean you yell at me for the things I do that are wrong in your eyes, it means that you care about my feelings and you care about my freedoms and you'll do ANYTHING to give me what will make me happy. Why in gods name would anyone with sense stick around for that long and put up with all the insults and the cheap shots.... the "it's all your fault" ranting and the fucking feeling that the person you love doesn't trust you... Why the FUCK would I stick around eh? I'm going to leave that question open without an answer... it should be obvious to ANYBODY that knows me and anything about this situation...
I don't care about you? I fucking let you walk all over me... I let you fucking tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing, I take the time to call you when I know you're upset, when I know I don't have to, and even if it's inconvenient.. I pick you up from all of your classes just because I know you like seeing me in between them... I don't have to do that you know... I will miss class just so I can see you a little longer, especially when you're upset... talk to ANY one of my friends and they'll tell you that I'm crazy about you, whether they think it's good or bad... I love you more than I love myself, that's the way I am.. so don't ever tell me again that I don't care, cause it's just you being a fucking emo and wanting me to do more to try and convince you that I do... Let me pull a page from your book... "If you cared about me.." you wouldn't let yourself walk all over me... and you would let me make my own choices about my life.. YEA i've made mistakes but that doesn't mean you tighten the leash until I fucking choke to death alright? I've spoiled you with attention, and I did it because of the mistakes I made to hurt you... and I wanted to make it up to you.. but it just ended up making it worse, now you expect me to do absolutely everything for you, and when you don't get it you get mad at me and start getting angry or something... Look, I can't do any more for you except tell you I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made, and just wait for you to believe me... God damnit, we're not even TOGETHER now and I still feel like we are... before anything else changes THAT has to change first... So much for your issue being solved... Clean slate my ass....
If you really do want to be with me again, do me a favour and never mention any of that shit again... Yes it hurt you, yes it hurt me too, but the point of this entire thing is so that we START OVER, like nothing happened.. and if you can't do that then that's really too bad, because there are a lot of things that I love about being with you, it's just a shame that I have to write this much about the bad stuff...
I'm sorry for the sudden depressive update... I just really needed to get this out
I'm so happy that Jo's here now, I missed that mother fucker, haha... that's why I'm not completely in a bad mood, but I'm not in a good mood because of other things... but before I get into that, the good stuff... Yesterday Derrick, Emo Kyle, Murano Kyle, and I, all drove down to Vince's house to see Jo... Dundas and Jarvis is NOT a fun area to be in.. lol... so we were there for about an hour or so, and then we drove back to Sheppards Bush, and had a nice session with four of us (Murano Kyle was driving..)... it was good stuff too... so we walk back to the parking lot, and there's 3 COP CRUISERS in the parking lot... I started freaking out and kyle tore outta there... and then we went on a "Mission for Munchies" at Sobeys.. lol... then we went driving around for a bit (took derrick and emo kyle home) and me and Jo kept thinking we were seeing cop lights on top of cars when they weren't there... it was fucked up but it was a good night... I slept like a baby. Jo said that night was like a video game, haha.
Ok.. now for the LESS happy stuff.. first off... here's some things that I CAN understand... If someone is in a bad mood before they even talk to you, then I can understand them being edgy, and it is nice of them to mention that they aren't in the best of moods... I can also understand certain things setting them off a little more than usual...
What I DON'T understand, and shouldn't have to, is someone COMPLETELY getting pissed off at you over NOTHING, when you KNOW that they wouldn't be if they were in a civil mood... and also when they bring up shit from however long ago and just start plain blaming you for everything wrong with the world... Look, I know what I've done wrong, and at least I admit to it, you're not perfect either, just for a news flash.
It's just childish.. honest to god childish... fucking teenage drama bullshit, and frankly I'm completely sick of it. I'm going to bring one of those little tape recorder things to school one day, and record any little spits and spats that I have so that I can play them back to the person I argued with when they are civil and show them exactly how stupid they're being... It'd probably help me too, but it'd probably open another pair of eyes too... Yea I've made some pretty fucked up mistakes, and I've tried absolutely everything I can to fix it, I'm not going to be a fucking trained dog though, I'm not going to run my life according to anyone else, I'm fucking 18 for heaven sakes, i'm not fucking 12, I can take care of myself... I understand if it would bother you, and I've changed a lot about myself just so that you can be happy, I know it doesn't seem like shit to you but it was hard for me to change a lot of things, and if you don't think that's true then you don't know me and you don't love me. Caring about me doesn't mean you yell at me for the things I do that are wrong in your eyes, it means that you care about my feelings and you care about my freedoms and you'll do ANYTHING to give me what will make me happy. Why in gods name would anyone with sense stick around for that long and put up with all the insults and the cheap shots.... the "it's all your fault" ranting and the fucking feeling that the person you love doesn't trust you... Why the FUCK would I stick around eh? I'm going to leave that question open without an answer... it should be obvious to ANYBODY that knows me and anything about this situation...
I don't care about you? I fucking let you walk all over me... I let you fucking tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing, I take the time to call you when I know you're upset, when I know I don't have to, and even if it's inconvenient.. I pick you up from all of your classes just because I know you like seeing me in between them... I don't have to do that you know... I will miss class just so I can see you a little longer, especially when you're upset... talk to ANY one of my friends and they'll tell you that I'm crazy about you, whether they think it's good or bad... I love you more than I love myself, that's the way I am.. so don't ever tell me again that I don't care, cause it's just you being a fucking emo and wanting me to do more to try and convince you that I do... Let me pull a page from your book... "If you cared about me.." you wouldn't let yourself walk all over me... and you would let me make my own choices about my life.. YEA i've made mistakes but that doesn't mean you tighten the leash until I fucking choke to death alright? I've spoiled you with attention, and I did it because of the mistakes I made to hurt you... and I wanted to make it up to you.. but it just ended up making it worse, now you expect me to do absolutely everything for you, and when you don't get it you get mad at me and start getting angry or something... Look, I can't do any more for you except tell you I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made, and just wait for you to believe me... God damnit, we're not even TOGETHER now and I still feel like we are... before anything else changes THAT has to change first... So much for your issue being solved... Clean slate my ass....
If you really do want to be with me again, do me a favour and never mention any of that shit again... Yes it hurt you, yes it hurt me too, but the point of this entire thing is so that we START OVER, like nothing happened.. and if you can't do that then that's really too bad, because there are a lot of things that I love about being with you, it's just a shame that I have to write this much about the bad stuff...
I'm sorry for the sudden depressive update... I just really needed to get this out