it's a funny thing....friends i mean. I have been the new kid in school plenty of times growing up and no one really seemed to care I was even around. Everyone already formed their bonds or clicks of what seemed to be friendship by 5th grade. It seemed I was doomed. A few kids befriended me, but after hanging out once or twice and seeing that I didn't have anything to really offer and wasn't exactly "cool" they forgot about me again. I was invisible most of high school. Did it matter that I became the most talented artist in the school? No. Because no one knew me or cared to know me. My art teachers loved me, but they were not peers. I did sort of get close to two girls, Amanda and Victoria. They were best friends. We started to hang out a lot too and it seemed we were all happy. But then through another friend they met/got boyfriends who went to a different school. They immediately stopped hanging out with me after school. All they wanted was to double date with their boyfriends. And when I brought it up to them their excuse was that they saw me in school, meaning they didn't feel the need to hang out anymore after school. This was obviously an unfair way to treat someone you call friend. Two words I said ended our friendship, "Boo-hoo." although I did not mean for it to. But I'm sure our friendship was already little to nothing because of the way they under appreciated me.
However I did gain a few friends between high school and college. Skiba I became best friends with right after Amy and Victoria. I had already known of her, but then we suddenly realized our common interests and hung out together all the time, and it was so much fun! But she moved away. And I thought it was the end of the world. My one true friend was moving, that usually meant we would no longer be friends... but it was different this time, because we still saw each other and we remained friends. Then in college, I became friends with Holly, we had things in common that brought us together and have remained friends since! My newest friend I met in Boston, Erica, and though our friendship is NEW, we have already hung out 3 or 4 times and get along well. :) But my true best friend... is my boyfriend, because well... it's just different this time. He doesn't take me for granted, I'm not someone he sees when he feels like it and he doesn't ditch me for friends and he doesn't let people push him around. He pays attention to me, makes me actually feel like I matter, that he cares for me, that I am beautiful and loved, everything. And I feel the same way about him. For once in a relationship, I feel like it's not all one sided. And I hold the same values with friends: friendship is not one-sided.
And I'm sorry for writing so much... i feel like this should've been an entry haha
Similar things happened to me in elementary and high school, (make friend, unmake friend, leaving me feeling like everything was one-sided) and will probably happen in uni as well. My boyfriend and my friendship is also something completely new that I've never experience before. Its like friendship, but with the willingness to show vulnerability and have genuine care for the other. He's my first serious boyfriend, and I agree, he is also another kind of best friend to me. I think I shall write a detailed entry about my past friendships as well, (maybe make this post a little less abstract!) I'll try my best to find true friendship and certainly I'll tell you when it comes my way :)
That's good news! :) I'm glad. Sometimes I feel I'm at a loss at what to write for an entry some days, even if so much has happened. Thoughts escape me, but then BOOM, I write a reply to you and it looks like an entire entry I could've posted haha. So thanks for being a sort of muse! lol I'm glad we've talked back and forth. :)
I have been the new kid in school plenty of times growing up and no one really seemed to care I was even around. Everyone already formed their bonds or clicks of what seemed to be friendship by 5th grade. It seemed I was doomed. A few kids befriended me, but after hanging out once or twice and seeing that I didn't have anything to really offer and wasn't exactly "cool" they forgot about me again. I was invisible most of high school. Did it matter that I became the most talented artist in the school? No. Because no one knew me or cared to know me. My art teachers loved me, but they were not peers.
I did sort of get close to two girls, Amanda and Victoria. They were best friends. We started to hang out a lot too and it seemed we were all happy. But then through another friend they met/got boyfriends who went to a different school. They immediately stopped hanging out with me after school. All they wanted was to double date with their boyfriends. And when I brought it up to them their excuse was that they saw me in school, meaning they didn't feel the need to hang out anymore after school. This was obviously an unfair way to treat someone you call friend. Two words I said ended our friendship, "Boo-hoo." although I did not mean for it to. But I'm sure our friendship was already little to nothing because of the way they under appreciated me.
However I did gain a few friends between high school and college. Skiba I became best friends with right after Amy and Victoria. I had already known of her, but then we suddenly realized our common interests and hung out together all the time, and it was so much fun! But she moved away. And I thought it was the end of the world. My one true friend was moving, that usually meant we would no longer be friends... but it was different this time, because we still saw each other and we remained friends.
Then in college, I became friends with Holly, we had things in common that brought us together and have remained friends since!
My newest friend I met in Boston, Erica, and though our friendship is NEW, we have already hung out 3 or 4 times and get along well. :)
But my true best friend... is my boyfriend, because well... it's just different this time. He doesn't take me for granted, I'm not someone he sees when he feels like it and he doesn't ditch me for friends and he doesn't let people push him around. He pays attention to me, makes me actually feel like I matter, that he cares for me, that I am beautiful and loved, everything. And I feel the same way about him. For once in a relationship, I feel like it's not all one sided.
And I hold the same values with friends: friendship is not one-sided.
And I'm sorry for writing so much... i feel like this should've been an entry haha
Don't completely give up on friends!
-JML
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I'll try my best to find true friendship and certainly I'll tell you when it comes my way :)
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