[Fic] 赤 for a Snowflake
Title: 赤 for a Snowflake
Pairing: Akame, Kame x Natsu
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: AU, scene redundancy, too much coincidence(?) and alternating timelines (but then focuses on the present, you'll see) :p
Word Count: 29k
Notes: Written for bellemelody for the 2011 amigo_santa akame fic exchange. Errors/mistakes remaining are all mine. Also, in my head, these are the pieces that they play: Love is Blue, Beloved, My Memory. It would be awesome if you could give them a try ;p Oh, and they are pieces from Yiruma :)
Summary: It is a cold winter night when Jin finds his snowflake.
There is a café where Kame always goes. He likes it there for the café is quiet, cozy, and hidden from the eyes of thousands of strangers that walk the busy streets of Tokyo by day. Kame likes it there because it isn't far from his workplace, they serve his coffee right, their pasta is cooked al dente and the cakes he eats are never too sweet for his taste buds.
"Natsu, you and your band playing tonight?"
"Yeah," Kame hears the man named Natsu answer. He isn't too far away from them anyway. Kame stares at him and sees the fine, white fabric of Natsu's shirt stretched taut over powerful shoulders and muscular arms. Natsu is all rugged angles and sharp planes, and handsome. He’s in loose, dark pants paired with brown, suede boots. His hair is messy and he stifles a yawn as he arranges his things. It's 8:15 am. "At around 9. Koki's going to tend the bar tonight, right?" Natsu says, covering his face with a black hoodie.
Kame knows Koki. He's been his friend since his early years in college. He knows Koki has been working at the cafe since he was only eighteen and it was a bit unfortunate that Koki had to drop out of his college scholarship program to support his family and be able to send his younger brother to school. Most of the times, Kame thinks Koki deserves more than what he has now. However, Koki isn't the reason why Kame comes to the café. Stealing a glance at the man, Kame wonders how it would feel like to curl his fingers in those loose curls that are framing his face. Kame wonders what it would feel like to touch him, hold him, feel him. It has been so long.
"Yeah," Nakamaru answers, wiping the counter spotlessly clean. "I might watch you perform tonight since I get the day off tomorrow."
"No problem," Natsu tells the barista that Kame's also already familiar with.
Nakamaru Yuichi is someone Kame has had the chance to meet while lounging in the café. Unlike Koki, Nakamaru studies at night and works in the morning. When Kame had asked him once about his schedule, Nakamaru answered that it's better that way, because after studying he gets to sleep and read his notes during his free time. They are cool people, Nakamaru and Koki, and they're the closest to a best friend Kame thinks he would ever have.
Kame also knows Natsu. From what Koki has told him, Natsu and his band, known as LANDS, are still struggling to pursue their dreams of making it big in the Japanese music industry. They already have quite a fan base, not huge and of course Kame knows that, but enough to spread word about the group. Men like them but women love and adore them, especially Natsu who exudes a manly appeal in a gruff kind of way. He's the type that women fall for because of his looks, talent and personality; everything about Natsu just charms people away and Kame knows that more than anyone else.
It has been six months since the first time he's seen LANDS perform there and it's been five months since Kame has always tried to fit in LANDS schedule with his. He has to because maybe, it's the only chance he'll ever get to spend time with Natsu.
The wind chime rings and Kame tilts his head a bit to the counter. He sees Nakamaru's familiar smile, big and bright on his face, as he greets the customers politely before proceeding to take their respective orders. He catches a slight movement of a hand and he sees Natsu giving a small nod at Nakamaru's way and with that, Natsu leaves, ignoring people on his way out. Kame smiles. It's just typical of the man to do just that - ignore people who do not matter.
Hearing random chatter about LANDS, Kame has come to conclude since months ago that he likes the café more because when night comes, the café becomes a club and Natsu plays on the makeshift stage with his band. The band consists of a girl and four men and they play different genres of music but it's always, always Natsu's voice, rough and sexy, that keeps the audience enraptured. He hears rumors about the young female manager and Natsu but Kame doesn't really feel like dwelling on that issue for so long. It just doesn't sit right in whatever angle Kame looks at it from. Then, there's a sudden loud squealing from the group of women behind him and when Kame tries to listen, he hears them talking about Natsu and how sexy and attractive he is by keeping a mysterious aura around him and being casual. He feels like snorting aloud but had to suppress himself from doing just that. If people would ask him something about the band, Kame would say that he especially likes it when it's midnight because when it's 12 am, Natsu becomes someone else and he sings with a voice so gentle that his ballads are serenade to Kame's ears. He sings in a way that Kame is familiar with.
It's always been like that. Kame can still remember the first time he has heard him sing and Kame still remembers the place where he first sang to him. When he hears Natsu's voice, Kame feels like nothing's wrong. Hearing his voice, hearing him sing, seeing him but unable to touch and feel, Kame decides it's alright, that everything will be okay because what he has right now is better than being lost.
One last look at the glass door where Natsu exited and Kame recalls everything; from the time they met again to the last. But Natsu doesn't. He doesn't even know that he, Kamenashi Kazuya, exists.
Jin meets Kame inadvertently.
They have crossed paths many times - it is inevitable on such a small town, after all - but nothing more than a casual, polite glance has been exchanged; As polite a glance could be at the tender age of five and seven, for that matter.
Kame is the quiet little boy whom all the old ladies love. He comes from a family of six, but is the only one among his siblings that is destined for great things as Kame's father always tell everyone.
Jin, on the other hand, is the loud, spontaneous little boy whom all the old ladies dread. He's from a family of four, and he believes he is destined for great things - and argued none too politely with everyone who said he is just wasting his time with such foolish dreams of conquering the world. But on Saturdays, Jin is just an ordinary boy, forgetting about his big dreams as he sneaks out to play a game of soccer in the nearby park.
It is a cold winter night when they first meet. Kame is five and Jin is seven.
Kame has been sitting on the curb of the road, alone in the night and crying because his brothers won't play with him. Jin has passed him by, muddy and messy after a slippery game of soccer with his rowdy friends.
Jin stops on his tracks abruptly and looks at Kame's small shaking figure. Curiously, he walks up to the boy. “What’s wrong?" he has asked.
“Nothing,” Kame has replied quietly, preventing his sobs from escaping his throat.
Jin rolls his eyes then, impatiently tucking his football under a thin arm. “If it is nothing you wouldn’t be crying,” he says, trying to keep the teasing out of his voice. Kame gives a nonchalant shrug of his squared shoulders and wipes his nose on his sleeve. Hearing no reply from the young one, Jin looks up at the dark sky and his eyes widen as snow start to flutter down, feeling thrilled and excited.
“Look!" Jin exclaims and points up at the darkened mass above them avidly. “It's snowing!”
“So?” Kame has replied, uncaring of whether autumn really has changed to winter in a span of minutes.
“Let’s catch snowflakes!" Jin exclaims, grinning widely. Kame looks up at Jin, frightened brown eyes glassed over with wet little tears but he smiles, excited at the thought of having a little game. “How?" he asks in a tiny, shaking voice.
It is that wobbly smile Jin falls in love with without even knowing it. Jin likes that angled, pasty, pale little face streaked with tears and a front tooth missing. He's experienced losing a tooth and Jin thought he's ugly then but the boy in front of him right now only looks awkwardly adorable.
“I’ll show you,” Jin answers confidently when the other pokes him. He stands in front of Kame with his tongue out of his mouth, catching droplets of snow onto his tongue and feeling the delightful yet odd sensation as the little flakes quickly dissolve in his mouth.
“Now you try,” he says with a gap-toothed smile.
Kame tries. And fails. Kame wrinkles his little nose in distaste. “I can’t do it!" he says as furiously as a child could, tearing up once again.
Watching the boy's frustrated face, flushed cheeks and piercing eyes blazing, his hair matted with fluffy bits of snow and reddened nose from the bitter cold, Jin couldn’t help it. The young boy looks so much like a little snowflake himself; so white, so pale, so fragile. Beautiful. Jin decides that this boy is his special snowflake.
The other boy laughs when Kame stomps a foot on the ground. The boy's laughter is an uneven pitched, squeaky, boyish kind of chortle and it is that laugh Kame falls in love with, without knowing it.
"I'm Akanishi Jin." Jin introduces himself after awhile, a wide smile is across his face.
"I'm Kamenashi Kazuya," Kame replies softly and he watches the snow fall down from the sky.
"You have a nice name." Jin chirps, eyes suddenly getting caught in the mole lying next to the boy's right eye when the light shines upon the boy's skin. "But what should I call you?" he asks.
"Kazu," Kame answers without any hesitation.
"Kazu it is then!" Jin exclaims, liking the sound of it and the way it rolls on his tongue. "You can call me Jin if you want."
Kame nods, smiling. He looks up to the other boy, sees the smudges of dirt on his cheeks and the soccer ball he has. Kame starts to fidget.
"What is it, Kazu?" Jin asks.
"Can we play baseball tomorrow, Jin?" Kame asks. "My brothers do not want to play baseball with me anymore."
"But why?" Jin asks in wonder. "I always want to play with my younger brother."
"My brothers like computer games now and I don't."
Jin sees some kind of a sad emotion cross Kame's eyes. In a second, he ruffles Kame's hair and says, "I'll meet you here tomorrow, at around 4 in the afternoon." He lies, knowing he won't be in this town anymore when the sun comes up tomorrow. He looks at Kame, sees his face bright with excitement and for some reason, Jin doesn't want to see Kame sad.
When tomorrow arrives, Kame is all alone in that wintry Sunday afternoon.
-
Natsu shuts the door behind him, his guitar held by his other hand. They are all looking at him, probably a little annoyed for coming in late. It's already five in the afternoon and they haven't rehearsed yet. Natsu takes the initiative to apologize, even if it's lacking sincerity, but couldn't be bothered to explain why he's late. It isn't like they would believe him anyways if he ever tells them that his headache kept him up all night. They'd just blame his supposedly being an alcoholic for that.
"So, shall we start?" Kenji asks, eyeing the entire group.
Everyone, except for Natsu, exchange looks, agrees and each takes their position. Natsu takes the mic, waits for their cue for him to sing and when he does, he closes his eyes as the lyrics flow past his lips - soft and beautiful.
The rehearsal takes hours and his head starts hurting again but he doesn't stop because there's someone inside his head, without a name and without a face, but Natsu knows that that someone is smiling at him; warm and gentle and he (or she) is calling out to him, only it isn't his name that comes out of the stranger's lips.
-
"Hey."
Kame looks up slowly, eyes squinting at the glaring sun before he sees him. He knows Akanishi Jin but Kame's never been good with talking to people, especially not to strangers. He knows the guy because he's the captain of the soccer team but other than that Akanishi is just another person Kame doesn't really know. Perhaps, he'll get to socialize more before he graduates and goes to study in a university.
"Hey, Kamenashi, do you always have to stay here all by yourself?" Jin asks, invading Kamenashi's space as he seats down next to the younger boy on the manicured grass of their school's field. He stretches a little and leans his back against the sturdy trunk of a plum tree, waiting for Kamenashi to speak.
Kame only gives Akanishi a look and goes back to reading his book.
"You're such a nerd." Jin teases the other, a smirk forming on his lips as he snatches the book away from Kame's hands and slips it beneath him; sitting on it. Jin sees the way Kamenashi flinches and it makes him smile, amused.
"Give it back." Kame demands, annoyed at the thought that Akanishi is using his book, a book he's actually earned money to pay for, to make himself comfortable on the grass. "I said give it back, Akanishi," he says now through gritted teeth when Akanishi just smiles sheepishly at him.
"Let's go have some takoyaki after school, what do you say?" Jin asks casually, as if he hasn't done anything.
"Do I look like I'm willing to go with you?" Kame asks. "If you don't mind, I need my book, Akanishi."
"Go out with me," Jin says, making it sound like going out with him is something fancy. "You need to add some fun in your life."
"I don't need fun." Kame grits. "What I need is the book you're sitting on."
"You're not gonna get it if you don't go out with me." Jin says and looks at Kame and he sees him in a way that's different from how others see Kame. He always has. He's heard about Kamenashi being lame and weak, scrawny and awkward. Jin doesn't think like that though. Aside the fact that Kamenashi's face is flushed in anger, Jin thinks Kamenashi has his own charm. Kamenashi is beautiful in his own way. Always has been.
"I'll meet you at the takoyaki stand near the park then. Ciao~"
With a deep frown and looking seriously aggravated, Kame watches Akanishi walk away, his book in Akanishi's hand and the only thing he could do is to glare when Akanishi looks back to him with a mischievous smile on his lips.
With all the stubbornness he has inside of him, Kame doesn't go to meet Akanishi after school and he gets his book back the next morning with a turtle drawn in red crayon as its new front cover. Kame feels like hunting Akanishi down to punch him hard in the face.
-
The first thing that Kame notices when he comes to the café again is that Natsu's wearing the café's uniform. He looks neat and still amazing and Kame just has to stop himself from grabbing him when Natsu comes to him.
"Is there anything you want?"
Kame ignores the way Natsu speaks rudely but stares in return as his ears register that familiar deep and husky voice. It isn't that sexy back then. He could still remember the high-pitched shrieks and they echo faintly in his ears.
When he meets Natsu's eyes, Kame is drawn to them. He feels like falling and falling and falling for he remember the times when he would look at those eyes, would see them always dancing with mischief, teasing and glaring and just...loving. They used to look at him gently, as if memorizing every line on his face, sculpting the bridge of his nose, or staring intently at his beauty mark that it made the simple gesture feel intimate. They are the tenderest pair Kame has ever seen and now, they still possess the same color of warm chocolate but they lack the luster of happiness, of emotions that are usually written in those deep browns and the ability to see him. The unfamiliar empty stare that Natsu is giving him makes Kame want to shiver in disgust. It makes him feel hollow inside.
"I guess you're not interested in anything." Natsu drawls out lazily as he starts to pick up the menu from the table. He's working the shift because he needs the money. He's got some bills to pay and he needs to earn it fast.
"Sorry," Kame apologizes when he's gained control of himself again. He clears his throat and says, "I'll have green tea."
"That's it?" Natsu inquires, looking at the young man seated before him. Something about the young man makes him want to reach out to him. There's something about him that Natsu finds attractive and Natsu's sure it isn't the weird, exaggerated angle of his brows or that stupid crook on his nose. He stares some more and something tells him that he knows him, knows him as if he holds a blueprint to this man's being.
"Yes, that'd be all." Kame says, handing back to Natsu the menu he's holding. Natsu reaches out at the same time and their fingers brush against each other's softly. Kame retracts his immediately as if part of his skin was burned but unlike him, Natsu just pays him another look, forehead a bit creased, before walking away all the while thinking why the texture of the man's hand, the feel of it, is familiar.
-
Kame's always been fascinated by the piano. When he has nothing else to do during his free time, he heads to their school's music room located on the quiet part of the third floor to play the piano. Kame doesn't know how to play it that well but he knows a few pieces that he could be proud of.
Playing the piano calms Kame. It's like baseball only it's sophisticated and classy; a world that's completely different from dirt, mounds and baseball. He likes the piano because playing it makes him feel different, like someone who has something to look forward to as his fingers press down on the piano keys.
Taking his seat, Kame opens the piano lid and gently moves his fingers over the keys. He smiles when he hears the piano in tune and with both of his hands on the piano, he hums a tune in his mind, the melody in his head flowing to his veins down to his fingertips as he presses key after key, losing himself slowly to the music he's playing.
Jin's mind is occupied with someone as he walks along the hallway. Kamenashi Kazuya, a young man who came from his old town, a young man whose passion for baseball is beyond him and his lithe figure; beyond his reach. Jin remembers everything about Kame; eyes, nose, lips. He likes staring at him and the mole right next to Kame's eye is enough to confirm his assumption. He's seen it in the dim light of the park back in the place where he used to live. Kamenashi Kazuya. The name never left his mind since the night he met that little boy sitting on the curb of the road and crying because he have no one to play baseball with. Jin remembers his special snowflake.
He smiles at the thought and the rays of the setting sun kiss the exposed skin on his face, neck and forearms. It makes him feel warm and he would've basked in it if he hasn't heard the melody echoing softly in the hallway. It makes him curious to see who's playing at this time of the day. The school's supposed to be empty.
Quietly, Jin walks toward the music room, it's where the music is coming from, and sees the door a bit ajar. Without looking inside, Jin thinks that the one playing the piano is a bit hesitant for the music he's playing falls out of tune at times but not enough to render the piece ugly. It needs more polishing, Jin thinks, and he would be more than willing to help. Finally, he peeks inside the room and sees him, sees Kame with his hair seemingly golden because of the sun, his face closed in obvious serenity. In Jin's mind, the sound of the piano keys are like ticking bombs, like the alarm of warning signals that some, if not most people, ignore.
His heart thuds wildly in his chest as he stares at Kame.
He's in love, Jin realizes with a start. He doesn't know when or how or why. Maybe it was because he has taken care of Kame inside his mind, fell in love with him in his subconscious and with Kame finally being near, it triggered the feelings Jin never knew he has. Jin steals a glance at Kame and Kame is both flawed and beautiful, and Jin knows that this love is about to carry him off somewhere. It's overpowering and he feels like he doesn't have any choice. Jin wishes it would take him to a special place, some place he's never seen before and he wishes to see Kame there, playing him a music that falls out of tune but one that still captures his heart.
-
"Are you sleeping?"
Natsu groans in disappointment when he hears his brother's voice. "I was." He answers, pressing the phone closer to his ear lazily. Natsu glances at the alarm clock beside his bed. The clock has huge fluorescent hands, but Natsu couldn't read the time. His forehead creases in an aggravated frown. Too much lack of sleep. And alcohol, probably.
"The sun's rising up pretty soon."
"I know." Natsu answers. His voice is low now, evident of how exhausted he is and he feels like he's still in the middle of a dream.
Since Natsu started with the band three years ago, he started dreaming of what seemed like fragments of memories; like he's chasing reality. At times, most often during the day, he experiences déjà vu and it makes him think of when it happened, how, why and his head starts hurting all over again.
"Mom misses you, onii-san." Reio says, wishing for his brother to know exactly what he's talking about; get a hint or something. At times, there are still moments where he sees their mother looking out the window at night, maybe wishing for a miracle of some sort; wishing and hoping that her eldest son would come back. Reio misses the times he's spent with his older brother, too, but he knows that this is way better than watching his brother suffer.
"I miss her, too." Natsu replies, immediately trying to recall when he last visited his parents and brother. It must have been a while since he couldn't remember exactly when. "Tell mom I'll come visit once I'm free."
"Right. And when is that?"
"I don't know. Soon." Natsu has a feeling that his brother is just messing up with him. "Can I go back to sleep now? I'm whacked."
"You know," Reio says, foot tapping on the floor and feeling embarrassed. "I feel stupid for saying this to you," he pauses, "but I'm in love."
"In love?" Natsu asks, unbelieving. He could feel himself getting interested with what his brother has to say. "With whom?"
"With a classmate." Reio replies. "She's pretty and charming. She's got long black hair which she ties with a pink ribbon. She's girly in every sense of the word but she plays baseball and you should see her play. She's amazing!"
"Does this she have a name?" Natsu sounds amused and it makes Reio feel at ease. His older brother used to talk to him like that.
"Her name's Kazumi." Reio answers a bit shyly. "I call her Kazu."
"Kazu," Natsu repeats, the name embedded in his mind. Kazu.
"Yes, Kazu." Reio confirms. "I like Kazu. Maybe you can meet her when you visit us."
I'll call you Kazu then! You can call me Jin if you want.
What is it, Kazu?
Can we play baseball tomorrow, Jin?
The words sound like distant voices from a distant past and both names are familiar to him. It feels like he's said them before. He tries to recall who Jin might be and what Kazu looks like but Natsu feels like a stranger creeping up on his memories of two people he barely knows. He isn't even sure if he really knows them.
Let's meet at the park on Sunday, Kazu.
I miss you, Kazu.
With his mind whirling about, Natsu doesn't hear his brother calling for him, asking if he's okay, because he's long wandered off to somewhere that Natsu mostly sees in his dreams, where there's always dust of snow on the ground and the sky changing colors from dusk to night.
I love you, Kazu.
Four simple words and they are enough to make his heart ache and Natsu doesn't even know why.
-
Kame goes in a batting center every Friday afternoon. Playing baseball gives him a break from all his school activities and it is in hitting baseballs that Kame finds utmost peace. It's an outlet for his emotions and well, they mostly consist of feelings brought up by one man's presence.
"For someone as thin as you are, you sure hit with a lot of force."
Kame misses the ball when he hears that voice. He doesn't have to look for him. Kame's already familiar with that voice - husky when Jin's teasing and high-pitched when he shrieks and excited.
"I don't see any reason why you're here, Akanishi." Kame remarks as he goes back to hitting baseballs again. A satisfied smile comes across his lips when he's hit the ball the way he wants to. Sometimes, when he's annoyed, he thinks of Jin's face as he hits the baseballs. It gives him a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, even if for just a tiny bit.
Jin walks over and stands next to Kame, watching the younger man in amusement. He likes watching Kame play. It makes him look so manly and so good in Jin's eyes that he feels a strong desire to have Kame all to himself.
"You look good." Jin compliments the younger boy, eyes skimming over Kame's figure that is covered in a baseball uniform.
Kame rolls his eyes, thinks it's a good thing to hit Jin with his bat but he doesn't do so nevertheless.
Jin laughs when Kame settles on just giving him the look. "What?" he asks innocently. "It's not like I'm lying."
"How did you know about this place anyway?" Kame asks instead.
"It's funny how you always try to ignore the fact that I'm stalking you."
"You forgot to tell me that. Should I be scared?" Kame mocks, shoving the baseball bat to Jin and Jin gets a hold of it before Kame has had the chance to drive it to his chest. He watches Kame drink from his water bottle and Jin definitely thinks it's sexy and when his eyes focus on the way Kame swallows, Jin decides Kame's going to be the death of him one day.
"What?"
"What what?" Jin asks, frowning a bit and he hears Kame chuckle.
"You're staring." Kame states the obvious. "Didn't you know that it's rude to stare at people?"
"Didn't you know that teasing is a crime?" "I don't tease random people, Akanishi, and it isn't a crime."
Jin shrugs. "Well, I'm not just some random person to you, Kame, and yes, it isn't a crime."
"Whatever." Kame says, waving a hand as if to shoo the topic away and he moves to grab a ball from the ground. "Let's have a deal." He says in a sudden, taking the opportunity presented to him by chance.
Jin frowns. "A deal?"
"Yeah." Kame looks at Jin again, his eyes a liquid color of caramel. "Since you're taking pleasure in following me around, if you hit this ball with that bat, then I'll consider you as a friend. If you don't, then you'll stop being my shadow. What do you say?"
"I say we stop this little banter of ours and go on a date instead." Jin moves his brows suggestively.
"I'm not joking around, Akanishi Jin."
"Fine," Jin replies instantly when Kame's voice changed to one that's threatening and it makes Kame quirk a brow. "I'm in."
When Jin tells him to get it on, Kame positions himself and sees Jin nod, cuing that he's ready for him. Without any hesitation, Kame pitches a fast ball with the knowledge that Jin only knows soccer. Kame's already feeling smug inside knowing he's going to win this and his eyes widen for a few seconds when he sees the ball collide against wood. The sound it creates seems to ring in Kame's ears for forever.
"I'm awesome, aren't I, Kazuya?" Jin smirks at Kame and he unexpectedly sees Kame repressing a smile. It's the first time he's seen Kame do that. Kame usually ignores him and Jin's gotten used to snobby Kame that seeing Kame smile at him is such a rare sight he wants to have Kame's smiling face preserved in a photograph.
Just then, Kame throws another ball at Jin, hitting the other on the hip. "It was worth a try, at least." He hears Jin whine loudly and Kame laughs. It's a good start.
-
Before he graduated from high school and until a few years in university, Kame has taken lessons in a conservatoire. He studied under a well-known pianist and through him, he is able to turn his memories into pieces; all beautiful and haunting. His repertoire ran mainly from the late Romantics, Schumann and Mendelssohn, to Poulenc, Ravel, Bartók, and Prokofiev. Their pieces became his model, his inspiration. In his student days, Kame has held a number of concerts and all are well received and because of that, most people think that everything's going well with his life and Kame tells them it is. They don't need to know the painful past he's had and when they urge him to pursue a career in music, Kame promises himself to never touch a keyboard again.
But Kame breaks his promises at times, especially when he passes by the instrument shop on his way home. Kame couldn't resist but play the grand piano they have on display. The owner, Ueda-san and his shop assistant, Taguchi-kun, allow him to play it when he drops by. However, Kame rarely plays now. He only does so when he's in the shop because it offers him some sense of security, a sense of privacy. It's a place where he could let his memories flow and no one would ask about his music. It's his guilty pleasure. He would play and play and when he's done, Ueda or Taguchi would be all smiles at him. They wouldn't mention how glassy his eyes are or ask him about his tears.
The piano is well taken cared of; lacquered, dusted, and tuned. Taguchi tells him that it's because someone else also likes playing that same piano and he's the one looking after that particular piece. Kame doesn't ask anything more about him. As for Kame, he likes that piano because it's similar with the one he's played during high school, something that's been a part of him.
Playing the piano had a different meaning since Jin taught him a few of his tricks. Jin has been good teacher. When Kame asked why he could play well, Jin admitted that it was because his mother used to play the piano when she was still young.
Ever since Jin found out about his hobby, Jin has spent his Wednesday afternoons with Kame in the music room, humming and pressing down on the keys, their fingers coincidentally brushing. Every meeting is like a secret revealed as they open up more to each other, each day like an Easter surprise that Kame looks forward to receiving. When they're together they would and could spend the hours laughing, teasing, and having petty fights. However, Jin and Kame makes it a point to make up before the day ends. They also used to share the same seat.
But now, as Kame seats down in front of the piano, fingers positioned on black and white keys, he feels another gaping hole growing bigger and bigger inside of him. Memories are harsh souvenirs, Kame concludes as his finger press down on a minor A.
-
Having just exited the school grounds, Kame lets out a small chuckle when Jin shows up and walks next to him. Jin starts fishing for something inside his pocket and while Kame continues on walking, he sees Jin getting a stick out of his pack of cigarette from his periphery. Kame grimaces.
“How old are you again?" Kame finds himself asking. He's gotten used to Jin's presence, to be honest. Since that day Jin approached him when Kame was in the field, Jin has decided to be his friend (Jin proved to be really persistent about it, too) and he didn't give up even if Kame has stood him up far too many times. However, things between them have changed and every time they're together, they fall into a more comfortable relationship, growing deeper and deeper that they have become oblivious of having a world of their own. They are happy and content and that's all that matters.
“Seventeen,” Jin answers, placing the cigarette to his lips, lighting it up with the use of a lighter. “You?” he asks even if he already knows that he is two years older than the other.
“Fifteen." Kame still answers.
Jin exhales smoke and Kame feels his eyes tighten as the vile scent wafts directly into his nostrils. Jin's lips tug into a smile and he looks over at Kame, his arm out with the cigarette dangling in between his fingertips. Jin's inviting him to take a puff.
“You’ll get premature emphysema,” Kame tells Jin, pushing Jin's arm away from him.
Jin snorts and places the cigarette to his lips once again. “And?”
“And what are your kids gonna say when they get lung cancer?”
“It's still too early to think about kids, Kazu.” Jin answers placidly.
“Well, what about your girlfriend?” Kame tries again.
“I've no girlfriend right now, silly.” Jin snickers.
“Uh, your dog?” Kame casually says, shrugging his shoulders and the thought of Jin not having a girlfriend actually makes him happy while Jin erupts into a fit of hysteria at his inquiry. The familiar sound of Jin's laughter is warm and inviting, and Kame can’t help but laugh in return.
“I’m assuming you don’t like smokers?” Jin asks, feeling the texture of cigarette between his fingers.
Kame shakes his head. “No, not smokers," he says, "just the smoking.”
“I see,” Jin says pensively. He takes one last hit on his cigarette before throwing it in the ground. Clearing his throat, he smiles crookedly at Kame, his eyes glinting from the sunlight. “Better now?"
Kame smiles back at Jin and nods his head. “Much. Thanks."
“You know, I only stop smoking in front of people that are special to me.”
Kame's brows rise. “So does that give me the right to assume that I’m a special person to you?” he asks.
"Only if you promise to take care of me." Jin teases, eyes still glinting with mischief and something else that Kame couldn't name. Jin has this dirty little secret with all the things he's hinting on and Kame wants to find it out. It feels likes it involves him in a way that's sure to be life changing for him, like an epiphany or something like that.
"Why should I take care of you again?" Kame asks just because.
Jin shrugs, looking up to the sky instead. A huge smile forms on his lips when he feels something soft and cold touch his face. He raises a palm up and sees little flakes of snow in it.
"Hey, Kazu."
"Hmm?"
"It's snowing."
"So?"
"Let's catch snowflakes."
Kame chuckles, reminded of how he used to catch snowflakes with his tongue when he was just a child. It's a practice he's learned from that little boy in his childhood. Sometimes, Kame finds himself wondering where he might be, if he's alright and if he's still catching snowflakes with his tongue. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't. Kame doesn't now. He's long stopped catching snowflakes since the season of winter before his sixth birthday has arrived.
"How?" Kame asks, eyes falling steady on Jin.
“I’ll show you,” Jin says. He stands in front of Kame, catching the falling snow on his tongue.
Kame would like to pass it off as a coincidence but there is something in Jin that tells Kame it isn't. He stares at Jin for a while longer, watches Jin catch snowflakes with an open mouth and Kame is brought back to that one night of his childhood. Jin couldn't be that boy he met ten years ago.
Becoming aware of the growing silence around him, Jin straightens himself up and looks at Kame. "I'm Jin." He introduces himself to Kame the way he did when he was younger, only this time he offers a hand to Kame. Jin watches and sees Kame's eyes get clouded, apparently confused before seemingly coming to understand what's happening.
Kame takes Jin's hand and shakes it gently. Their palms feel warm; a bit calloused yet Jin's hand feels wonderful against his. "I'm Kamenashi Kazuya." He replies, letting go of Jin's hand after a while. It's perfectly warm against his.
"Kazu, right?" Jin smiles a smile that's both gentle and bright. "You can call me Jin if you want."
Kame's heart thuds loudly in his chest. It feels like his head is ballooning and his heart feels like it's trying to tear him apart as it beats inside him; wild, loud, and fast. It feels absurd but he's actually excited, hoping for the boy to be Jin because Kame's longed to see that boy from his childhood.
"Can we play baseball tomorrow, Jin?" Kame asks a bit hesistantly. He remembers asking the boy that; it's a treasured memory. He wishes Jin hasn't noticed the excitement and anxiety in his voice.
"Sure! Let's." Jin agrees in an instant, knowing this time that it's no longer a lie. He hopes for Kame to understand, wishes Kame hasn't completely forgotten about him.
Kame laughs then, a genuine laugh that has his shoulders shaking and Jin follows for Kame's laughter is contagious. He sounds so happy.
"You douchebag!" Kame fakes a glare towards Jin but his eyes reflect his real emotions and Jin likes seeing them twinkle like that.
Even if Kame remains good natured, Jin still bows his head in apology, sorry for leaving Kame behind years ago without explanation and when he sees Kame smiling at him, warm and gentle, Jin knows that Kame forgives him even if Kame doesn't say that he does. The snow falls on them, lightly touching their skin like petals of a silk rose and as Kame extends a palm out to catch flakes in his hand, Kame thinks winter is beautiful and special in so many ways.
-
Part 2
Pairing: Akame, Kame x Natsu
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: AU, scene redundancy, too much coincidence(?) and alternating timelines (but then focuses on the present, you'll see) :p
Word Count: 29k
Notes: Written for bellemelody for the 2011 amigo_santa akame fic exchange. Errors/mistakes remaining are all mine. Also, in my head, these are the pieces that they play: Love is Blue, Beloved, My Memory. It would be awesome if you could give them a try ;p Oh, and they are pieces from Yiruma :)
Summary: It is a cold winter night when Jin finds his snowflake.
There is a café where Kame always goes. He likes it there for the café is quiet, cozy, and hidden from the eyes of thousands of strangers that walk the busy streets of Tokyo by day. Kame likes it there because it isn't far from his workplace, they serve his coffee right, their pasta is cooked al dente and the cakes he eats are never too sweet for his taste buds.
"Natsu, you and your band playing tonight?"
"Yeah," Kame hears the man named Natsu answer. He isn't too far away from them anyway. Kame stares at him and sees the fine, white fabric of Natsu's shirt stretched taut over powerful shoulders and muscular arms. Natsu is all rugged angles and sharp planes, and handsome. He’s in loose, dark pants paired with brown, suede boots. His hair is messy and he stifles a yawn as he arranges his things. It's 8:15 am. "At around 9. Koki's going to tend the bar tonight, right?" Natsu says, covering his face with a black hoodie.
Kame knows Koki. He's been his friend since his early years in college. He knows Koki has been working at the cafe since he was only eighteen and it was a bit unfortunate that Koki had to drop out of his college scholarship program to support his family and be able to send his younger brother to school. Most of the times, Kame thinks Koki deserves more than what he has now. However, Koki isn't the reason why Kame comes to the café. Stealing a glance at the man, Kame wonders how it would feel like to curl his fingers in those loose curls that are framing his face. Kame wonders what it would feel like to touch him, hold him, feel him. It has been so long.
"Yeah," Nakamaru answers, wiping the counter spotlessly clean. "I might watch you perform tonight since I get the day off tomorrow."
"No problem," Natsu tells the barista that Kame's also already familiar with.
Nakamaru Yuichi is someone Kame has had the chance to meet while lounging in the café. Unlike Koki, Nakamaru studies at night and works in the morning. When Kame had asked him once about his schedule, Nakamaru answered that it's better that way, because after studying he gets to sleep and read his notes during his free time. They are cool people, Nakamaru and Koki, and they're the closest to a best friend Kame thinks he would ever have.
Kame also knows Natsu. From what Koki has told him, Natsu and his band, known as LANDS, are still struggling to pursue their dreams of making it big in the Japanese music industry. They already have quite a fan base, not huge and of course Kame knows that, but enough to spread word about the group. Men like them but women love and adore them, especially Natsu who exudes a manly appeal in a gruff kind of way. He's the type that women fall for because of his looks, talent and personality; everything about Natsu just charms people away and Kame knows that more than anyone else.
It has been six months since the first time he's seen LANDS perform there and it's been five months since Kame has always tried to fit in LANDS schedule with his. He has to because maybe, it's the only chance he'll ever get to spend time with Natsu.
The wind chime rings and Kame tilts his head a bit to the counter. He sees Nakamaru's familiar smile, big and bright on his face, as he greets the customers politely before proceeding to take their respective orders. He catches a slight movement of a hand and he sees Natsu giving a small nod at Nakamaru's way and with that, Natsu leaves, ignoring people on his way out. Kame smiles. It's just typical of the man to do just that - ignore people who do not matter.
Hearing random chatter about LANDS, Kame has come to conclude since months ago that he likes the café more because when night comes, the café becomes a club and Natsu plays on the makeshift stage with his band. The band consists of a girl and four men and they play different genres of music but it's always, always Natsu's voice, rough and sexy, that keeps the audience enraptured. He hears rumors about the young female manager and Natsu but Kame doesn't really feel like dwelling on that issue for so long. It just doesn't sit right in whatever angle Kame looks at it from. Then, there's a sudden loud squealing from the group of women behind him and when Kame tries to listen, he hears them talking about Natsu and how sexy and attractive he is by keeping a mysterious aura around him and being casual. He feels like snorting aloud but had to suppress himself from doing just that. If people would ask him something about the band, Kame would say that he especially likes it when it's midnight because when it's 12 am, Natsu becomes someone else and he sings with a voice so gentle that his ballads are serenade to Kame's ears. He sings in a way that Kame is familiar with.
It's always been like that. Kame can still remember the first time he has heard him sing and Kame still remembers the place where he first sang to him. When he hears Natsu's voice, Kame feels like nothing's wrong. Hearing his voice, hearing him sing, seeing him but unable to touch and feel, Kame decides it's alright, that everything will be okay because what he has right now is better than being lost.
One last look at the glass door where Natsu exited and Kame recalls everything; from the time they met again to the last. But Natsu doesn't. He doesn't even know that he, Kamenashi Kazuya, exists.
Jin meets Kame inadvertently.
They have crossed paths many times - it is inevitable on such a small town, after all - but nothing more than a casual, polite glance has been exchanged; As polite a glance could be at the tender age of five and seven, for that matter.
Kame is the quiet little boy whom all the old ladies love. He comes from a family of six, but is the only one among his siblings that is destined for great things as Kame's father always tell everyone.
Jin, on the other hand, is the loud, spontaneous little boy whom all the old ladies dread. He's from a family of four, and he believes he is destined for great things - and argued none too politely with everyone who said he is just wasting his time with such foolish dreams of conquering the world. But on Saturdays, Jin is just an ordinary boy, forgetting about his big dreams as he sneaks out to play a game of soccer in the nearby park.
It is a cold winter night when they first meet. Kame is five and Jin is seven.
Kame has been sitting on the curb of the road, alone in the night and crying because his brothers won't play with him. Jin has passed him by, muddy and messy after a slippery game of soccer with his rowdy friends.
Jin stops on his tracks abruptly and looks at Kame's small shaking figure. Curiously, he walks up to the boy. “What’s wrong?" he has asked.
“Nothing,” Kame has replied quietly, preventing his sobs from escaping his throat.
Jin rolls his eyes then, impatiently tucking his football under a thin arm. “If it is nothing you wouldn’t be crying,” he says, trying to keep the teasing out of his voice. Kame gives a nonchalant shrug of his squared shoulders and wipes his nose on his sleeve. Hearing no reply from the young one, Jin looks up at the dark sky and his eyes widen as snow start to flutter down, feeling thrilled and excited.
“Look!" Jin exclaims and points up at the darkened mass above them avidly. “It's snowing!”
“So?” Kame has replied, uncaring of whether autumn really has changed to winter in a span of minutes.
“Let’s catch snowflakes!" Jin exclaims, grinning widely. Kame looks up at Jin, frightened brown eyes glassed over with wet little tears but he smiles, excited at the thought of having a little game. “How?" he asks in a tiny, shaking voice.
It is that wobbly smile Jin falls in love with without even knowing it. Jin likes that angled, pasty, pale little face streaked with tears and a front tooth missing. He's experienced losing a tooth and Jin thought he's ugly then but the boy in front of him right now only looks awkwardly adorable.
“I’ll show you,” Jin answers confidently when the other pokes him. He stands in front of Kame with his tongue out of his mouth, catching droplets of snow onto his tongue and feeling the delightful yet odd sensation as the little flakes quickly dissolve in his mouth.
“Now you try,” he says with a gap-toothed smile.
Kame tries. And fails. Kame wrinkles his little nose in distaste. “I can’t do it!" he says as furiously as a child could, tearing up once again.
Watching the boy's frustrated face, flushed cheeks and piercing eyes blazing, his hair matted with fluffy bits of snow and reddened nose from the bitter cold, Jin couldn’t help it. The young boy looks so much like a little snowflake himself; so white, so pale, so fragile. Beautiful. Jin decides that this boy is his special snowflake.
The other boy laughs when Kame stomps a foot on the ground. The boy's laughter is an uneven pitched, squeaky, boyish kind of chortle and it is that laugh Kame falls in love with, without knowing it.
"I'm Akanishi Jin." Jin introduces himself after awhile, a wide smile is across his face.
"I'm Kamenashi Kazuya," Kame replies softly and he watches the snow fall down from the sky.
"You have a nice name." Jin chirps, eyes suddenly getting caught in the mole lying next to the boy's right eye when the light shines upon the boy's skin. "But what should I call you?" he asks.
"Kazu," Kame answers without any hesitation.
"Kazu it is then!" Jin exclaims, liking the sound of it and the way it rolls on his tongue. "You can call me Jin if you want."
Kame nods, smiling. He looks up to the other boy, sees the smudges of dirt on his cheeks and the soccer ball he has. Kame starts to fidget.
"What is it, Kazu?" Jin asks.
"Can we play baseball tomorrow, Jin?" Kame asks. "My brothers do not want to play baseball with me anymore."
"But why?" Jin asks in wonder. "I always want to play with my younger brother."
"My brothers like computer games now and I don't."
Jin sees some kind of a sad emotion cross Kame's eyes. In a second, he ruffles Kame's hair and says, "I'll meet you here tomorrow, at around 4 in the afternoon." He lies, knowing he won't be in this town anymore when the sun comes up tomorrow. He looks at Kame, sees his face bright with excitement and for some reason, Jin doesn't want to see Kame sad.
When tomorrow arrives, Kame is all alone in that wintry Sunday afternoon.
-
Natsu shuts the door behind him, his guitar held by his other hand. They are all looking at him, probably a little annoyed for coming in late. It's already five in the afternoon and they haven't rehearsed yet. Natsu takes the initiative to apologize, even if it's lacking sincerity, but couldn't be bothered to explain why he's late. It isn't like they would believe him anyways if he ever tells them that his headache kept him up all night. They'd just blame his supposedly being an alcoholic for that.
"So, shall we start?" Kenji asks, eyeing the entire group.
Everyone, except for Natsu, exchange looks, agrees and each takes their position. Natsu takes the mic, waits for their cue for him to sing and when he does, he closes his eyes as the lyrics flow past his lips - soft and beautiful.
The rehearsal takes hours and his head starts hurting again but he doesn't stop because there's someone inside his head, without a name and without a face, but Natsu knows that that someone is smiling at him; warm and gentle and he (or she) is calling out to him, only it isn't his name that comes out of the stranger's lips.
-
"Hey."
Kame looks up slowly, eyes squinting at the glaring sun before he sees him. He knows Akanishi Jin but Kame's never been good with talking to people, especially not to strangers. He knows the guy because he's the captain of the soccer team but other than that Akanishi is just another person Kame doesn't really know. Perhaps, he'll get to socialize more before he graduates and goes to study in a university.
"Hey, Kamenashi, do you always have to stay here all by yourself?" Jin asks, invading Kamenashi's space as he seats down next to the younger boy on the manicured grass of their school's field. He stretches a little and leans his back against the sturdy trunk of a plum tree, waiting for Kamenashi to speak.
Kame only gives Akanishi a look and goes back to reading his book.
"You're such a nerd." Jin teases the other, a smirk forming on his lips as he snatches the book away from Kame's hands and slips it beneath him; sitting on it. Jin sees the way Kamenashi flinches and it makes him smile, amused.
"Give it back." Kame demands, annoyed at the thought that Akanishi is using his book, a book he's actually earned money to pay for, to make himself comfortable on the grass. "I said give it back, Akanishi," he says now through gritted teeth when Akanishi just smiles sheepishly at him.
"Let's go have some takoyaki after school, what do you say?" Jin asks casually, as if he hasn't done anything.
"Do I look like I'm willing to go with you?" Kame asks. "If you don't mind, I need my book, Akanishi."
"Go out with me," Jin says, making it sound like going out with him is something fancy. "You need to add some fun in your life."
"I don't need fun." Kame grits. "What I need is the book you're sitting on."
"You're not gonna get it if you don't go out with me." Jin says and looks at Kame and he sees him in a way that's different from how others see Kame. He always has. He's heard about Kamenashi being lame and weak, scrawny and awkward. Jin doesn't think like that though. Aside the fact that Kamenashi's face is flushed in anger, Jin thinks Kamenashi has his own charm. Kamenashi is beautiful in his own way. Always has been.
"I'll meet you at the takoyaki stand near the park then. Ciao~"
With a deep frown and looking seriously aggravated, Kame watches Akanishi walk away, his book in Akanishi's hand and the only thing he could do is to glare when Akanishi looks back to him with a mischievous smile on his lips.
With all the stubbornness he has inside of him, Kame doesn't go to meet Akanishi after school and he gets his book back the next morning with a turtle drawn in red crayon as its new front cover. Kame feels like hunting Akanishi down to punch him hard in the face.
-
The first thing that Kame notices when he comes to the café again is that Natsu's wearing the café's uniform. He looks neat and still amazing and Kame just has to stop himself from grabbing him when Natsu comes to him.
"Is there anything you want?"
Kame ignores the way Natsu speaks rudely but stares in return as his ears register that familiar deep and husky voice. It isn't that sexy back then. He could still remember the high-pitched shrieks and they echo faintly in his ears.
When he meets Natsu's eyes, Kame is drawn to them. He feels like falling and falling and falling for he remember the times when he would look at those eyes, would see them always dancing with mischief, teasing and glaring and just...loving. They used to look at him gently, as if memorizing every line on his face, sculpting the bridge of his nose, or staring intently at his beauty mark that it made the simple gesture feel intimate. They are the tenderest pair Kame has ever seen and now, they still possess the same color of warm chocolate but they lack the luster of happiness, of emotions that are usually written in those deep browns and the ability to see him. The unfamiliar empty stare that Natsu is giving him makes Kame want to shiver in disgust. It makes him feel hollow inside.
"I guess you're not interested in anything." Natsu drawls out lazily as he starts to pick up the menu from the table. He's working the shift because he needs the money. He's got some bills to pay and he needs to earn it fast.
"Sorry," Kame apologizes when he's gained control of himself again. He clears his throat and says, "I'll have green tea."
"That's it?" Natsu inquires, looking at the young man seated before him. Something about the young man makes him want to reach out to him. There's something about him that Natsu finds attractive and Natsu's sure it isn't the weird, exaggerated angle of his brows or that stupid crook on his nose. He stares some more and something tells him that he knows him, knows him as if he holds a blueprint to this man's being.
"Yes, that'd be all." Kame says, handing back to Natsu the menu he's holding. Natsu reaches out at the same time and their fingers brush against each other's softly. Kame retracts his immediately as if part of his skin was burned but unlike him, Natsu just pays him another look, forehead a bit creased, before walking away all the while thinking why the texture of the man's hand, the feel of it, is familiar.
-
Kame's always been fascinated by the piano. When he has nothing else to do during his free time, he heads to their school's music room located on the quiet part of the third floor to play the piano. Kame doesn't know how to play it that well but he knows a few pieces that he could be proud of.
Playing the piano calms Kame. It's like baseball only it's sophisticated and classy; a world that's completely different from dirt, mounds and baseball. He likes the piano because playing it makes him feel different, like someone who has something to look forward to as his fingers press down on the piano keys.
Taking his seat, Kame opens the piano lid and gently moves his fingers over the keys. He smiles when he hears the piano in tune and with both of his hands on the piano, he hums a tune in his mind, the melody in his head flowing to his veins down to his fingertips as he presses key after key, losing himself slowly to the music he's playing.
Jin's mind is occupied with someone as he walks along the hallway. Kamenashi Kazuya, a young man who came from his old town, a young man whose passion for baseball is beyond him and his lithe figure; beyond his reach. Jin remembers everything about Kame; eyes, nose, lips. He likes staring at him and the mole right next to Kame's eye is enough to confirm his assumption. He's seen it in the dim light of the park back in the place where he used to live. Kamenashi Kazuya. The name never left his mind since the night he met that little boy sitting on the curb of the road and crying because he have no one to play baseball with. Jin remembers his special snowflake.
He smiles at the thought and the rays of the setting sun kiss the exposed skin on his face, neck and forearms. It makes him feel warm and he would've basked in it if he hasn't heard the melody echoing softly in the hallway. It makes him curious to see who's playing at this time of the day. The school's supposed to be empty.
Quietly, Jin walks toward the music room, it's where the music is coming from, and sees the door a bit ajar. Without looking inside, Jin thinks that the one playing the piano is a bit hesitant for the music he's playing falls out of tune at times but not enough to render the piece ugly. It needs more polishing, Jin thinks, and he would be more than willing to help. Finally, he peeks inside the room and sees him, sees Kame with his hair seemingly golden because of the sun, his face closed in obvious serenity. In Jin's mind, the sound of the piano keys are like ticking bombs, like the alarm of warning signals that some, if not most people, ignore.
His heart thuds wildly in his chest as he stares at Kame.
He's in love, Jin realizes with a start. He doesn't know when or how or why. Maybe it was because he has taken care of Kame inside his mind, fell in love with him in his subconscious and with Kame finally being near, it triggered the feelings Jin never knew he has. Jin steals a glance at Kame and Kame is both flawed and beautiful, and Jin knows that this love is about to carry him off somewhere. It's overpowering and he feels like he doesn't have any choice. Jin wishes it would take him to a special place, some place he's never seen before and he wishes to see Kame there, playing him a music that falls out of tune but one that still captures his heart.
-
"Are you sleeping?"
Natsu groans in disappointment when he hears his brother's voice. "I was." He answers, pressing the phone closer to his ear lazily. Natsu glances at the alarm clock beside his bed. The clock has huge fluorescent hands, but Natsu couldn't read the time. His forehead creases in an aggravated frown. Too much lack of sleep. And alcohol, probably.
"The sun's rising up pretty soon."
"I know." Natsu answers. His voice is low now, evident of how exhausted he is and he feels like he's still in the middle of a dream.
Since Natsu started with the band three years ago, he started dreaming of what seemed like fragments of memories; like he's chasing reality. At times, most often during the day, he experiences déjà vu and it makes him think of when it happened, how, why and his head starts hurting all over again.
"Mom misses you, onii-san." Reio says, wishing for his brother to know exactly what he's talking about; get a hint or something. At times, there are still moments where he sees their mother looking out the window at night, maybe wishing for a miracle of some sort; wishing and hoping that her eldest son would come back. Reio misses the times he's spent with his older brother, too, but he knows that this is way better than watching his brother suffer.
"I miss her, too." Natsu replies, immediately trying to recall when he last visited his parents and brother. It must have been a while since he couldn't remember exactly when. "Tell mom I'll come visit once I'm free."
"Right. And when is that?"
"I don't know. Soon." Natsu has a feeling that his brother is just messing up with him. "Can I go back to sleep now? I'm whacked."
"You know," Reio says, foot tapping on the floor and feeling embarrassed. "I feel stupid for saying this to you," he pauses, "but I'm in love."
"In love?" Natsu asks, unbelieving. He could feel himself getting interested with what his brother has to say. "With whom?"
"With a classmate." Reio replies. "She's pretty and charming. She's got long black hair which she ties with a pink ribbon. She's girly in every sense of the word but she plays baseball and you should see her play. She's amazing!"
"Does this she have a name?" Natsu sounds amused and it makes Reio feel at ease. His older brother used to talk to him like that.
"Her name's Kazumi." Reio answers a bit shyly. "I call her Kazu."
"Kazu," Natsu repeats, the name embedded in his mind. Kazu.
"Yes, Kazu." Reio confirms. "I like Kazu. Maybe you can meet her when you visit us."
I'll call you Kazu then! You can call me Jin if you want.
What is it, Kazu?
Can we play baseball tomorrow, Jin?
The words sound like distant voices from a distant past and both names are familiar to him. It feels like he's said them before. He tries to recall who Jin might be and what Kazu looks like but Natsu feels like a stranger creeping up on his memories of two people he barely knows. He isn't even sure if he really knows them.
Let's meet at the park on Sunday, Kazu.
I miss you, Kazu.
With his mind whirling about, Natsu doesn't hear his brother calling for him, asking if he's okay, because he's long wandered off to somewhere that Natsu mostly sees in his dreams, where there's always dust of snow on the ground and the sky changing colors from dusk to night.
I love you, Kazu.
Four simple words and they are enough to make his heart ache and Natsu doesn't even know why.
-
Kame goes in a batting center every Friday afternoon. Playing baseball gives him a break from all his school activities and it is in hitting baseballs that Kame finds utmost peace. It's an outlet for his emotions and well, they mostly consist of feelings brought up by one man's presence.
"For someone as thin as you are, you sure hit with a lot of force."
Kame misses the ball when he hears that voice. He doesn't have to look for him. Kame's already familiar with that voice - husky when Jin's teasing and high-pitched when he shrieks and excited.
"I don't see any reason why you're here, Akanishi." Kame remarks as he goes back to hitting baseballs again. A satisfied smile comes across his lips when he's hit the ball the way he wants to. Sometimes, when he's annoyed, he thinks of Jin's face as he hits the baseballs. It gives him a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, even if for just a tiny bit.
Jin walks over and stands next to Kame, watching the younger man in amusement. He likes watching Kame play. It makes him look so manly and so good in Jin's eyes that he feels a strong desire to have Kame all to himself.
"You look good." Jin compliments the younger boy, eyes skimming over Kame's figure that is covered in a baseball uniform.
Kame rolls his eyes, thinks it's a good thing to hit Jin with his bat but he doesn't do so nevertheless.
Jin laughs when Kame settles on just giving him the look. "What?" he asks innocently. "It's not like I'm lying."
"How did you know about this place anyway?" Kame asks instead.
"It's funny how you always try to ignore the fact that I'm stalking you."
"You forgot to tell me that. Should I be scared?" Kame mocks, shoving the baseball bat to Jin and Jin gets a hold of it before Kame has had the chance to drive it to his chest. He watches Kame drink from his water bottle and Jin definitely thinks it's sexy and when his eyes focus on the way Kame swallows, Jin decides Kame's going to be the death of him one day.
"What?"
"What what?" Jin asks, frowning a bit and he hears Kame chuckle.
"You're staring." Kame states the obvious. "Didn't you know that it's rude to stare at people?"
"Didn't you know that teasing is a crime?" "I don't tease random people, Akanishi, and it isn't a crime."
Jin shrugs. "Well, I'm not just some random person to you, Kame, and yes, it isn't a crime."
"Whatever." Kame says, waving a hand as if to shoo the topic away and he moves to grab a ball from the ground. "Let's have a deal." He says in a sudden, taking the opportunity presented to him by chance.
Jin frowns. "A deal?"
"Yeah." Kame looks at Jin again, his eyes a liquid color of caramel. "Since you're taking pleasure in following me around, if you hit this ball with that bat, then I'll consider you as a friend. If you don't, then you'll stop being my shadow. What do you say?"
"I say we stop this little banter of ours and go on a date instead." Jin moves his brows suggestively.
"I'm not joking around, Akanishi Jin."
"Fine," Jin replies instantly when Kame's voice changed to one that's threatening and it makes Kame quirk a brow. "I'm in."
When Jin tells him to get it on, Kame positions himself and sees Jin nod, cuing that he's ready for him. Without any hesitation, Kame pitches a fast ball with the knowledge that Jin only knows soccer. Kame's already feeling smug inside knowing he's going to win this and his eyes widen for a few seconds when he sees the ball collide against wood. The sound it creates seems to ring in Kame's ears for forever.
"I'm awesome, aren't I, Kazuya?" Jin smirks at Kame and he unexpectedly sees Kame repressing a smile. It's the first time he's seen Kame do that. Kame usually ignores him and Jin's gotten used to snobby Kame that seeing Kame smile at him is such a rare sight he wants to have Kame's smiling face preserved in a photograph.
Just then, Kame throws another ball at Jin, hitting the other on the hip. "It was worth a try, at least." He hears Jin whine loudly and Kame laughs. It's a good start.
-
Before he graduated from high school and until a few years in university, Kame has taken lessons in a conservatoire. He studied under a well-known pianist and through him, he is able to turn his memories into pieces; all beautiful and haunting. His repertoire ran mainly from the late Romantics, Schumann and Mendelssohn, to Poulenc, Ravel, Bartók, and Prokofiev. Their pieces became his model, his inspiration. In his student days, Kame has held a number of concerts and all are well received and because of that, most people think that everything's going well with his life and Kame tells them it is. They don't need to know the painful past he's had and when they urge him to pursue a career in music, Kame promises himself to never touch a keyboard again.
But Kame breaks his promises at times, especially when he passes by the instrument shop on his way home. Kame couldn't resist but play the grand piano they have on display. The owner, Ueda-san and his shop assistant, Taguchi-kun, allow him to play it when he drops by. However, Kame rarely plays now. He only does so when he's in the shop because it offers him some sense of security, a sense of privacy. It's a place where he could let his memories flow and no one would ask about his music. It's his guilty pleasure. He would play and play and when he's done, Ueda or Taguchi would be all smiles at him. They wouldn't mention how glassy his eyes are or ask him about his tears.
The piano is well taken cared of; lacquered, dusted, and tuned. Taguchi tells him that it's because someone else also likes playing that same piano and he's the one looking after that particular piece. Kame doesn't ask anything more about him. As for Kame, he likes that piano because it's similar with the one he's played during high school, something that's been a part of him.
Playing the piano had a different meaning since Jin taught him a few of his tricks. Jin has been good teacher. When Kame asked why he could play well, Jin admitted that it was because his mother used to play the piano when she was still young.
Ever since Jin found out about his hobby, Jin has spent his Wednesday afternoons with Kame in the music room, humming and pressing down on the keys, their fingers coincidentally brushing. Every meeting is like a secret revealed as they open up more to each other, each day like an Easter surprise that Kame looks forward to receiving. When they're together they would and could spend the hours laughing, teasing, and having petty fights. However, Jin and Kame makes it a point to make up before the day ends. They also used to share the same seat.
But now, as Kame seats down in front of the piano, fingers positioned on black and white keys, he feels another gaping hole growing bigger and bigger inside of him. Memories are harsh souvenirs, Kame concludes as his finger press down on a minor A.
-
Having just exited the school grounds, Kame lets out a small chuckle when Jin shows up and walks next to him. Jin starts fishing for something inside his pocket and while Kame continues on walking, he sees Jin getting a stick out of his pack of cigarette from his periphery. Kame grimaces.
“How old are you again?" Kame finds himself asking. He's gotten used to Jin's presence, to be honest. Since that day Jin approached him when Kame was in the field, Jin has decided to be his friend (Jin proved to be really persistent about it, too) and he didn't give up even if Kame has stood him up far too many times. However, things between them have changed and every time they're together, they fall into a more comfortable relationship, growing deeper and deeper that they have become oblivious of having a world of their own. They are happy and content and that's all that matters.
“Seventeen,” Jin answers, placing the cigarette to his lips, lighting it up with the use of a lighter. “You?” he asks even if he already knows that he is two years older than the other.
“Fifteen." Kame still answers.
Jin exhales smoke and Kame feels his eyes tighten as the vile scent wafts directly into his nostrils. Jin's lips tug into a smile and he looks over at Kame, his arm out with the cigarette dangling in between his fingertips. Jin's inviting him to take a puff.
“You’ll get premature emphysema,” Kame tells Jin, pushing Jin's arm away from him.
Jin snorts and places the cigarette to his lips once again. “And?”
“And what are your kids gonna say when they get lung cancer?”
“It's still too early to think about kids, Kazu.” Jin answers placidly.
“Well, what about your girlfriend?” Kame tries again.
“I've no girlfriend right now, silly.” Jin snickers.
“Uh, your dog?” Kame casually says, shrugging his shoulders and the thought of Jin not having a girlfriend actually makes him happy while Jin erupts into a fit of hysteria at his inquiry. The familiar sound of Jin's laughter is warm and inviting, and Kame can’t help but laugh in return.
“I’m assuming you don’t like smokers?” Jin asks, feeling the texture of cigarette between his fingers.
Kame shakes his head. “No, not smokers," he says, "just the smoking.”
“I see,” Jin says pensively. He takes one last hit on his cigarette before throwing it in the ground. Clearing his throat, he smiles crookedly at Kame, his eyes glinting from the sunlight. “Better now?"
Kame smiles back at Jin and nods his head. “Much. Thanks."
“You know, I only stop smoking in front of people that are special to me.”
Kame's brows rise. “So does that give me the right to assume that I’m a special person to you?” he asks.
"Only if you promise to take care of me." Jin teases, eyes still glinting with mischief and something else that Kame couldn't name. Jin has this dirty little secret with all the things he's hinting on and Kame wants to find it out. It feels likes it involves him in a way that's sure to be life changing for him, like an epiphany or something like that.
"Why should I take care of you again?" Kame asks just because.
Jin shrugs, looking up to the sky instead. A huge smile forms on his lips when he feels something soft and cold touch his face. He raises a palm up and sees little flakes of snow in it.
"Hey, Kazu."
"Hmm?"
"It's snowing."
"So?"
"Let's catch snowflakes."
Kame chuckles, reminded of how he used to catch snowflakes with his tongue when he was just a child. It's a practice he's learned from that little boy in his childhood. Sometimes, Kame finds himself wondering where he might be, if he's alright and if he's still catching snowflakes with his tongue. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't. Kame doesn't now. He's long stopped catching snowflakes since the season of winter before his sixth birthday has arrived.
"How?" Kame asks, eyes falling steady on Jin.
“I’ll show you,” Jin says. He stands in front of Kame, catching the falling snow on his tongue.
Kame would like to pass it off as a coincidence but there is something in Jin that tells Kame it isn't. He stares at Jin for a while longer, watches Jin catch snowflakes with an open mouth and Kame is brought back to that one night of his childhood. Jin couldn't be that boy he met ten years ago.
Becoming aware of the growing silence around him, Jin straightens himself up and looks at Kame. "I'm Jin." He introduces himself to Kame the way he did when he was younger, only this time he offers a hand to Kame. Jin watches and sees Kame's eyes get clouded, apparently confused before seemingly coming to understand what's happening.
Kame takes Jin's hand and shakes it gently. Their palms feel warm; a bit calloused yet Jin's hand feels wonderful against his. "I'm Kamenashi Kazuya." He replies, letting go of Jin's hand after a while. It's perfectly warm against his.
"Kazu, right?" Jin smiles a smile that's both gentle and bright. "You can call me Jin if you want."
Kame's heart thuds loudly in his chest. It feels like his head is ballooning and his heart feels like it's trying to tear him apart as it beats inside him; wild, loud, and fast. It feels absurd but he's actually excited, hoping for the boy to be Jin because Kame's longed to see that boy from his childhood.
"Can we play baseball tomorrow, Jin?" Kame asks a bit hesistantly. He remembers asking the boy that; it's a treasured memory. He wishes Jin hasn't noticed the excitement and anxiety in his voice.
"Sure! Let's." Jin agrees in an instant, knowing this time that it's no longer a lie. He hopes for Kame to understand, wishes Kame hasn't completely forgotten about him.
Kame laughs then, a genuine laugh that has his shoulders shaking and Jin follows for Kame's laughter is contagious. He sounds so happy.
"You douchebag!" Kame fakes a glare towards Jin but his eyes reflect his real emotions and Jin likes seeing them twinkle like that.
Even if Kame remains good natured, Jin still bows his head in apology, sorry for leaving Kame behind years ago without explanation and when he sees Kame smiling at him, warm and gentle, Jin knows that Kame forgives him even if Kame doesn't say that he does. The snow falls on them, lightly touching their skin like petals of a silk rose and as Kame extends a palm out to catch flakes in his hand, Kame thinks winter is beautiful and special in so many ways.
-
Part 2