[Fic] Of Stolen Memories and Broken Hearts
~*~
Part III
Kamenashi. Yamashita.
Jin couldn't stop himself from chuckling bitterly as he proceeded to down his glass of vodka. How was it possible that Kazuya ended up with his best friend? His best friend for fuck's sake!
In all honesty, he hated how things ended between him and Kamenashi. It wasn't how it was supposed to be. They were never supposed to end. Jin believed that they'd be able to make it. After all, they fought hard for that love.
"Don't wait for me."
Jin knew now that his words really didn't make sense. It was foolish of him to just say those words and risk losing the person he loved so much.
It hurt. It hurt so much that breathing was even difficult to do. How could he live now if he no longer had the reason as to why he was breathing?
Jin took another swig of his vodka, swallowed all of its bitterness as tears started rolling down his cheeks.
--
Kazuya remained lying on his bed. It hurt. Everything hurt; his body, soul, and heart.
Why couldn't he just fall in love with Yamashita, he wondered. Why was it so difficult to forget Akanishi when the man never really bothered? They were over and for his sake, he should start picking up the pieces of his broken heart and start moving on with life.
Kazuya couldn't help but think that Akanishi must have been thrilled by the fact that they were lovers but other than that, he had taken him for granted. Maybe Akanishi only took pity on him because they had been friends for the longest time possible and stupidly enough, Kazuya fell in love.
Kazuya knew Akanishi just won't let someone down if Akanishi could do something about it. But maybe, Akanishi never really did love him the way Kazuya had always presumed.
No. Kazuya shook his head slightly as he refused to believe just that. Their relationship lasted for years and surely, there was something deeper between them, something that had more depth.
Akanishi must have loved him because Yamashita did even though he, Kazuya, had almost spent half of his life with Akanishi by his side.
"I wish when you look at me you could see what I feel, that you could reciprocate those feelings and not look at me as Jin's best friend nor only as your friend. I'm here and Jin's not. I'm the one here for you. I wish someday you'll look at me and see only me."
Kazuya wished he could turn back time. The guilt was eating him up. He had given himself to Yamashita, his ex-lover's best friend. It wasn't exactly what a sane person would do but what else could he do? Yamashita offered him warmth and comfort when his heart was silently crying, grieving, and yearning for the man to whom he had given his heart.
Yamashita offered him love when Akanishi had bluntly told him that he's not coming back.
Kazuya knew it was wrong. He knew too that he had hurt Yamashita. With trembling hands, Kazuya reached for his phone and dialed the number of the person he does not wish to be in contact with at the moment.
But it was only fair to say sorry.
Kazuya didn't have to wait long for the other to answer the call. "Hello." he said with a low voice.
"Hey!"
"I'm sorry." Kazuya said almost immediately. He could feel his eyes grow warm with moisture.
"What for?"
"I used you..." Kazuya said again, his voice trembled as he spoke. "I'm really sorry for taking you for granted, Pi. It wasn't my intention-"
"It was, Kame. Do you remember what you said to me that night?" a pause was followed by, "You said you wanted to forget. You wanted me to make you forget."
"I kn-know but you have to understand what I'm going through."
"I do." Yamapi answered softly. "I do because I'm as heartbroken as you."
"I'm really sorry...it won't ever happen again, Pi. I promise." Kazuya said.
"It's not that easy to forget, Kazuya." Yamapi firmly said. "Loving isn't exactly something that you could just set aside and ignore. In all honesty, I don't blame you for being the one to cause me hurt but it doesn't mean that I'm smiling about what happened. In any case, I'm at fault too. I shouldn't have allowed myself to fall for you because you're beautiful, nice, determined, and stupid enough to fall for Jin, but I did."
Kazuya couldn't find anything to answer Yamapi with. Yamapi was someone who weighs the situation before he acts and for Yamapi to lose control of himself, Kazuya should feel smug and flattered about it but he wasn't. It just made things more complicated than it already was.
"I know, Pi." Kazuya finally found his voice again. "You're stupid too for falling for someone who's so emotionally attached and dependent on his ex-boyfriend. But you're really a good person." he sincerely said. Yamapi really was a good person. He had in him a heart so pure that it was a crime to hurt him. "You know, there's no doubt that I'd fall for you if I'd known you before Akanishi."
"But then again, I'm not Jin. I'm his best friend." Yamapi answered and smiled a bitter smile. "Let's have a deal, Kazuya."
"I think I'll pass." Kazuya immediately replied. "I'm not exactly fit to make deals with."
"I'm not listening." Yamapi dismissed Kazuya's unwillingness to take part on his proposition. "I just want to help you and Jin and myself as well."
"I need to hear the deal first." Kazuya knew that he won't hear the end of it until he agreed.
"It's easy." Yamapi answered. "I just need you to admit what had happened between us to Jin. If he comes back to you, then I won't pursue you."
Kazuya didn’t know why but he suddenly felt scared of everything. He was scared to lose Jin. But then again, they were already over so he had nothing more to lose.
"What if he doesn't?"
"Then doesn't that mean that you should move on? You're hurting as much as he does and so am I. It's just fair for all of us to start anew, don't you think?"
"What makes you think that I will be happy with you?" Kazuya wanted to know.
Yamapi smiled then. It was the first genuine smile after the incident between him and Kamenashi. "You wouldn't turn to me if you didn't think so."
Kazuya knew that what Yamapi had said was, indeed, a fact. "It's a deal then."
"If I win, you'll try your hardest to love me. I'm not really forcing you. I just want you to try. I love you, Kazuya, and it kills me knowing that you're hurting. You're probably black and blue on the inside and I want to ease your pain."
I love you, Kazuya.
"I wish you were him, Pi." Kazuya bit his lower lip to prevent himself from sobbing. "You just don't know how much I long to hear those words again." and with that Kazuya ended the call as he buried his face on his pillow and finally allowed his tears to fall.
--
Admitting his mistakes to Jin wasn't easy.
Jin was already back in Japan when Kazuya found the courage to admit what he'd done and when he had the opportunity to tell the older male, Jin yelled and cursed and Kazuya saw hurt cross his ex-lover's eyes. In return, it hurt Kazuya a hundred times more. Yes, Jin had left him but what he did was worse. He had betrayed Jin.
"I never thought that you're that easy." Jin spat the words at him. "But what could I expect from someone who's desperate for love?" Jin had given him a look that spelled disgust and Kazuya felt so little and degraded.
"Jin," he tried to call out, to try again and explain, but all that met him was a gust of wind when his front door banged shut.
The words Jin had said was a reflection of how hurt he was, that much Kazuya knew and yet, Kazuya wasn't prepared for the excessive pain it had caused his heart. No matter how many times, Jin would always have the power to shatter his heart into millions of pieces. Over and over.
"Let me through." Kazuya said firmly to the man who was keeping him from barging in to the guest room.
"Kame, Jin isn't exactly sober right now and-"
"Fuck you, Ryo!" Kazuya finally snapped.
"Tat-chan would probably kill you if I let you but-" Ryo found himself shutting his mouth up when Kazuya glared daggers at him, silently telling him that the younger male wasn't up for any kind of jokes at the moment.
"Seriously Kame, Jin doesn't wish to see you right now." Ryo said as he tried to keep Kame away from his guest room.
"He didn't let me explain, Ryo. I deserve the right to be heard because when he chose to break up with me, I listened to him. I gave him what he wanted because that was what he asked of me." Kazuya said, emphasizing what he had done for Jin's sake. "It'd be unfair if I allow him to think that I seduced his best friend to get back at him! That's unfair for all three of us and that's the reason why I need to fucking talk to him!" Kazuya knew he was almost screaming at the man who was hiding Jin from him but he didn't really give a damn about it all.
"Kame, tonight is not a good time..." Ryo said, resigned.
"It doesn't change anything if I talk to him tomorrow and let him be tonight."
Ryo shifted his weight to his left foot, studying Kame's profile. "No, it's not that. You see, Jin...uhh, he's...uhh..."
"Please, Ryo." Kazuya finally sounded weary. He was too tired; exhausted from all his work and the emotional chaos he's in. In a way, he knew that what he was doing doesn't include Yamapi and his fucking deal anymore. "I need to do this." For Jin, for Yamapi, for myself.
The resigned look Kame wore on his face was all he needed to make Ryo's strong will waver. As brown eyes softly gazed upon him, Kazuya knew he had won.
"Whatever happens," the older of the two said. "I am out of this crap you and my best friends are in." Ryo said and let his arms limp to his sides.
The younger male nodded. "Of course." Kazuya said. "You're out of this mess."
Kazuya walked forwards then, heading for the guest room when he heard Ryo's voice again. "Jin...he really loves you. Don't ask me why or how, I just know."
Kazuya could only nod and told himself that he's going to win Jin's heart again if what Ryo told him was true.
--
He'd spent the past days clubbing. He wanted to forget and that was what he was aiming for tonight. Forget everything that Kamenashi had done. Found comfort in sex.
She was there, hovering above him as his fingers traced the heated skin of her body. He got her all worked up for the past thirty minutes and he had made her come once during that time. His knowledge about the female anatomy still came handy and all he needed was to push a few buttons to have her writhing in pleasure.
It was her turn to pleasure him now and pleasure was what he needed after all those heartaches.
She dropped kisses on his face, on his chest, on his shoulders but never on his lips. He didn't want to anyway. He felt her go down on him and the warmth that surrounded him was nothing compared to what he had experienced before. She wasn't as skilled as his former lover but she'd do. He wasn't after the emotional attachment after all. He just needed someone to make him feel special and loved again, someone to satisfy his needs.
He watched her with intent gazes and after she dropped a kiss on his neck, Jin felt himself being sheathed. She was warm, tight, and slick around him. Her muscles were clamping down on him with every thrust but Jin could see her face contort in pleasure as her chest heaved while she rocked her hips up and down, riding him in a sensual manner.
She was gasping, moaning, and sweating. He was panting and he could feel that knot inside him wanting to uncoil. She hastened her pace and when she moaned loudly and came for the second time, it didn't take long for Jin to reach his climax.
When he opened his eyes after he came down from his high, he caught a glimpse of a very familiar figure closing the door of the room he was in. Jin didn't dare call out his name.
She lied beside him, panting. Jin lied supine on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
"Akanishi-san, I had a great time." she whispered in his ear. "You're a good lover."
Jin chuckled bitterly and said, "Too bad somebody already owns me." then he got up from the bed and cleaned himself.
As the water ran down his skin, Jin knew he regretted the fact that Kazuya saw him doing it with some random woman. But then again, he and Kazuya were already over. The issue of being unfaithful no longer applied to him.
--
Jin didn't like it. He didn't like seeing Kamenashi depending on Yamashita. The two were currently seated on a couch and were talking about something that had Kazuya laughing at one point.
No, Jin didn't like it because Kazuya was faking everything. Yamapi would be too dense not to notice the sadness and emptiness that accompanied Kazuya's fake sounds of happiness.
"What the hell is your problem, Kamenashi?!" Jin found himself asking the younger male when Yamashita left the room.
Kazuya gave the other a calm look and said, "Nothing."
"Your nothing means everything so don't try to fool me. I may be an idiot but I know you inside out." Jin said, almost exasperated with the façade Kazuya had put up.
"Do you, really?" Kazuya's voice was colder than cold and emotionless. Flat.
"Of course, I do!" Jin snapped.
Kazuya chuckled bitterly and said, "Unfortunately, you're taking more credit than you deserve to have. You don't know me, Akanishi. You don't fucking know me because if you do, you would never let me see you fucking some random person around!"
"Now, now." Jin could feel himself getting mad. "You don't have any right to tell me that, Kamenashi. You were the first one to fuck around and you did it with my best friend! That was fucking low!"
"Have you ever realized that I did what I did because I was out of my wits and going crazy because I fucking miss you and you left me with a broken heart and Yamashita was there because he cares for me and that he loves me the way you do?!"
"H-he loves you?" Jin's voice was barely audible.
Kazuya shifted his gaze to the side instead of answering the man. "I admit that I grew weak that day because he made me feel the way you do...I'm sorry." the younger took in a deep breath. "I know I could never turn back the time now and I could not undo my mistakes. We had our time. Maybe, it would be best if we just move on with our lives. I loved you, Jin."
"Loved?" Jin had to ask.
"Yes, loved." Kazuya whispered. "Because everything between us belonged in the past now."
"Kazu-"
"Don't." Kazuya interjected. "We're doing well as Kamenashi and Akanishi and let's keep it at that."
Kazuya tried to muster all of his courage and gave Jin a kiss of goodbye.
Their lips touched and Jin couldn't help but wrap his arms around Kazuya's figure.
"Don't go," Jin whispered.
Kazuya smiled sadly and he felt his lips tremble as his eyes suddenly grew warm with moisture. "I'm sure that our memories are enough to remind you of how much I fell for you, Akanishi Jin-kun." and with that, Kazuya pulled away from that comfortable warmth that had held him for so many nights. Something that Yamashita could never replace.
"I love you, Kazuya." Jin said before the door closed with a soft creak. "I'm sorry."
--
All they needed for them to be together at one place was one big event like a talent getting married with the woman he loves.
The hall was full of people from their agency and some other famous artists and the couple's family and friends. Since the couple wanted their wedding to be fun and memorable, they opted for a masquerade theme. The flashy ball gowns, masks, and suits almost blinded Jin and the loud music was deafening to his ears. The reception was going well.
He searched around and saw Yamashita talking with Kamenashi in a corner as the younger one was busy downing his alcoholic drink. Jin smiled, satisfied that he could watch Kazuya from afar.
Several hours had passed and it was almost midnight. The guests were still on a high like the newlywed.
A tap on Jin's shoulder made him turn to his side. It was his best friend.
"He's all yours." Yamapi said, smiling.
"He's always been mine." Jin grinned. He and Yamapi had a serious talk about their situation and of course, it was to their best interest that Yamapi let Kazuya go and be happy with Jin.
"Let's go change. I told him I need to use the bathroom." Yamapi said as he started to unbutton his vest while he and Jin headed for the restroom.
--
Kazuya was already halfway through with his bottle of tequila. He was more than glad that no one was bothering him.
"What took you so long, Pi?" he said, when the man in a dashing black suit and fancy mask returned to the seat next to him. The man did not speak.
Kazuya turned to his left and pouted. "You're mean. Why aren't you talking to me?" the man did not speak yet again and Kazuya continued on mumbling about a wall being a better company than a human being who refused to talk.
When Kazuya found himself getting dizzy and his mind was buzzing real good from all the alcohol, he glanced at the crowd before he leaned in to kiss the man who sat next to him.
"I like you." Kazuya said and held one of his friend's hands, dragged the man out of the hall and headed for the elevators. He remembered asking Pi to reserve a room for him because he really planned on getting drunk. Kazuya smirked slightly because he wasn't and the man he was dragging by the hand at the moment did not refuse any of his advances.
--
The door closed shut and Kazuya immediately kissed the man on the lips after he had locked it. His hands found the buttons and started to open the man's suit. Kazuya pressed the man against the wall as he kissed the man hungrily.
Jin moved to take his mask off but was stopped by Kazuya.
"Don't remove your mask, Pi. Let me be selfish for another night and let me pretend that it's Jin I'm loving at the moment."
Jin stilled then. If Kazuya thought that he was Pi then Kazuya failed the test. If the act was finished and Kazuya thinks that he was Pi and not Jin, then he'd have to set Kazuya free. He wanted Kazuya to remember him, to recognize him by heart that's why he changed clothes with Pi. If Kazuya-
"Don't think about anything else." Kazuya's voice broke Jin's flow of thoughts. "You love me and I love you. I want you." Kazuya whispered wantonly as his hand stroked the growing bulge under the soft fabric of the man's pants.
It took Kazuya five minutes to undress himself and the man and led them both to bed. He pushed him down on the bed and immediately straddled his lover. Kazuya dropped a few kisses on the man's face, on his neck, on his chest but never allowing his lips to press against the man's collarbones.
If Jin wanted to play with him, then Kazuya would.
He held the man's left hand, brushed his lips on the finger that was supposed to have Yamapi's own version of a pinky ring. Kazuya knew the style. He knew it very well and he also knew from the very start that he was with the person he loved the most. With so much happiness clouding his mind, Kazuya rewarded the man with gentle kisses all over his body.
His own version of bakanishi was back.
A frustrated groan escaped Jin's lips when Kazuya's lips brushed against his inner thigh. A whimper came forth when Kazuya, the little tease, gave a single lick on the tip of his throbbing cock.
"Did it ever cross your mind,” the younger started to say, “that I'll only do this because you're you?" Kazuya said softly. "Stop playing me for a fool. I know what you're up to even if your best friend didn't squeal. I saw you and Yamapi go to the bathroom and the minute the both of you went out, I knew then that you changed clothes with him."
Jin would have answered but a moan escaped his lips since Kazuya decided to give his length several licks before trapping him inside that warm mouth.
"Kazuya." Jin gasped when the younger sucked on his length that made Jin arch his back.
"Finally." Kazuya sounded smug. "I thought you lost the ability to talk, Jin."
Jin just chuckled slightly and pulled Kazuya to him. "You're still a tease." he said after the younger had removed his mask. Jin kissed Kazuya on the lips.
Their kiss was demanding, wet, and passionate. It was something they both didn't want to end but had to because the air in their lungs was insufficient.
"I missed you, baby." Jin whispered against Kazuya's lips.
"Can we do the explaining later?" Kazuya asked. He ground his hips against Jin's and they both moaned in gratification.
"Yes." Jin answered with a raspy, breathy voice. They were lost again as they shared another kiss.
--
Jin was lying on his back with a pillow propped under his head. Kazuya, who was as sweaty and aroused, was facing him. Kazuya lowered himself on Jin's member, his hands and knees on either side of his lover's torso.
Jin groaned in the tightness and warmth that seemed to burn even his soul. He felt loved and special and finally, he was complete again.
Kazuya gently swiveled his hips from side to side, slowly moving in circles that had Jin panting and moaning beneath him. He, too, was starting to lose himself in the pleasure. Jin filling him up to the hilt proved to be too much. Jin's length glides in and out of him, grazing every inch of him.
Their lovemaking was slow yet loving and when Jin could no longer hold back, he got hold of Kazuya's hips and maneuvered the both of them in a position that allowed him to thrust inside his love. When he had Kazuya writhing, he stroked his lover's length until they both shuddered at the same time and pleasure clouded their minds.
When the act was over, Jin cuddled Kazuya up and said, "Do you want me to explain now?"
Kazuya snuggled close to his lover and replied, "No. I think I understand everything." and he really did. It wasn't that hard to put two and two together. Right now, all that mattered was him being enclosed in Jin's arms again and basking in that comfort that had always made him feel loved and cared for.
"What about Pi?" Kazuya asked weakly, still tired from their activity.
"We're fine. He said that you should stick with me and stop being the tease that you are."
Kazuya smirked and slapped Jin on the chest that had Jin grunting. When Kazuya looked up, he was met with a gentle, loving gaze. Kazuya smiled and kissed Jin.
"You're stuck with me till the end of time." Kazuya said, entwining his fingers with Jin's.
"It would be the best thing that's going to happen to me." Jin was more than happy to be assured that he'd spend his lifetime with Kazuya by his side.
~*~
Part III
Kamenashi. Yamashita.
Jin couldn't stop himself from chuckling bitterly as he proceeded to down his glass of vodka. How was it possible that Kazuya ended up with his best friend? His best friend for fuck's sake!
In all honesty, he hated how things ended between him and Kamenashi. It wasn't how it was supposed to be. They were never supposed to end. Jin believed that they'd be able to make it. After all, they fought hard for that love.
"Don't wait for me."
Jin knew now that his words really didn't make sense. It was foolish of him to just say those words and risk losing the person he loved so much.
It hurt. It hurt so much that breathing was even difficult to do. How could he live now if he no longer had the reason as to why he was breathing?
Jin took another swig of his vodka, swallowed all of its bitterness as tears started rolling down his cheeks.
--
Kazuya remained lying on his bed. It hurt. Everything hurt; his body, soul, and heart.
Why couldn't he just fall in love with Yamashita, he wondered. Why was it so difficult to forget Akanishi when the man never really bothered? They were over and for his sake, he should start picking up the pieces of his broken heart and start moving on with life.
Kazuya couldn't help but think that Akanishi must have been thrilled by the fact that they were lovers but other than that, he had taken him for granted. Maybe Akanishi only took pity on him because they had been friends for the longest time possible and stupidly enough, Kazuya fell in love.
Kazuya knew Akanishi just won't let someone down if Akanishi could do something about it. But maybe, Akanishi never really did love him the way Kazuya had always presumed.
No. Kazuya shook his head slightly as he refused to believe just that. Their relationship lasted for years and surely, there was something deeper between them, something that had more depth.
Akanishi must have loved him because Yamashita did even though he, Kazuya, had almost spent half of his life with Akanishi by his side.
"I wish when you look at me you could see what I feel, that you could reciprocate those feelings and not look at me as Jin's best friend nor only as your friend. I'm here and Jin's not. I'm the one here for you. I wish someday you'll look at me and see only me."
Kazuya wished he could turn back time. The guilt was eating him up. He had given himself to Yamashita, his ex-lover's best friend. It wasn't exactly what a sane person would do but what else could he do? Yamashita offered him warmth and comfort when his heart was silently crying, grieving, and yearning for the man to whom he had given his heart.
Yamashita offered him love when Akanishi had bluntly told him that he's not coming back.
Kazuya knew it was wrong. He knew too that he had hurt Yamashita. With trembling hands, Kazuya reached for his phone and dialed the number of the person he does not wish to be in contact with at the moment.
But it was only fair to say sorry.
Kazuya didn't have to wait long for the other to answer the call. "Hello." he said with a low voice.
"Hey!"
"I'm sorry." Kazuya said almost immediately. He could feel his eyes grow warm with moisture.
"What for?"
"I used you..." Kazuya said again, his voice trembled as he spoke. "I'm really sorry for taking you for granted, Pi. It wasn't my intention-"
"It was, Kame. Do you remember what you said to me that night?" a pause was followed by, "You said you wanted to forget. You wanted me to make you forget."
"I kn-know but you have to understand what I'm going through."
"I do." Yamapi answered softly. "I do because I'm as heartbroken as you."
"I'm really sorry...it won't ever happen again, Pi. I promise." Kazuya said.
"It's not that easy to forget, Kazuya." Yamapi firmly said. "Loving isn't exactly something that you could just set aside and ignore. In all honesty, I don't blame you for being the one to cause me hurt but it doesn't mean that I'm smiling about what happened. In any case, I'm at fault too. I shouldn't have allowed myself to fall for you because you're beautiful, nice, determined, and stupid enough to fall for Jin, but I did."
Kazuya couldn't find anything to answer Yamapi with. Yamapi was someone who weighs the situation before he acts and for Yamapi to lose control of himself, Kazuya should feel smug and flattered about it but he wasn't. It just made things more complicated than it already was.
"I know, Pi." Kazuya finally found his voice again. "You're stupid too for falling for someone who's so emotionally attached and dependent on his ex-boyfriend. But you're really a good person." he sincerely said. Yamapi really was a good person. He had in him a heart so pure that it was a crime to hurt him. "You know, there's no doubt that I'd fall for you if I'd known you before Akanishi."
"But then again, I'm not Jin. I'm his best friend." Yamapi answered and smiled a bitter smile. "Let's have a deal, Kazuya."
"I think I'll pass." Kazuya immediately replied. "I'm not exactly fit to make deals with."
"I'm not listening." Yamapi dismissed Kazuya's unwillingness to take part on his proposition. "I just want to help you and Jin and myself as well."
"I need to hear the deal first." Kazuya knew that he won't hear the end of it until he agreed.
"It's easy." Yamapi answered. "I just need you to admit what had happened between us to Jin. If he comes back to you, then I won't pursue you."
Kazuya didn’t know why but he suddenly felt scared of everything. He was scared to lose Jin. But then again, they were already over so he had nothing more to lose.
"What if he doesn't?"
"Then doesn't that mean that you should move on? You're hurting as much as he does and so am I. It's just fair for all of us to start anew, don't you think?"
"What makes you think that I will be happy with you?" Kazuya wanted to know.
Yamapi smiled then. It was the first genuine smile after the incident between him and Kamenashi. "You wouldn't turn to me if you didn't think so."
Kazuya knew that what Yamapi had said was, indeed, a fact. "It's a deal then."
"If I win, you'll try your hardest to love me. I'm not really forcing you. I just want you to try. I love you, Kazuya, and it kills me knowing that you're hurting. You're probably black and blue on the inside and I want to ease your pain."
I love you, Kazuya.
"I wish you were him, Pi." Kazuya bit his lower lip to prevent himself from sobbing. "You just don't know how much I long to hear those words again." and with that Kazuya ended the call as he buried his face on his pillow and finally allowed his tears to fall.
--
Admitting his mistakes to Jin wasn't easy.
Jin was already back in Japan when Kazuya found the courage to admit what he'd done and when he had the opportunity to tell the older male, Jin yelled and cursed and Kazuya saw hurt cross his ex-lover's eyes. In return, it hurt Kazuya a hundred times more. Yes, Jin had left him but what he did was worse. He had betrayed Jin.
"I never thought that you're that easy." Jin spat the words at him. "But what could I expect from someone who's desperate for love?" Jin had given him a look that spelled disgust and Kazuya felt so little and degraded.
"Jin," he tried to call out, to try again and explain, but all that met him was a gust of wind when his front door banged shut.
The words Jin had said was a reflection of how hurt he was, that much Kazuya knew and yet, Kazuya wasn't prepared for the excessive pain it had caused his heart. No matter how many times, Jin would always have the power to shatter his heart into millions of pieces. Over and over.
"Let me through." Kazuya said firmly to the man who was keeping him from barging in to the guest room.
"Kame, Jin isn't exactly sober right now and-"
"Fuck you, Ryo!" Kazuya finally snapped.
"Tat-chan would probably kill you if I let you but-" Ryo found himself shutting his mouth up when Kazuya glared daggers at him, silently telling him that the younger male wasn't up for any kind of jokes at the moment.
"Seriously Kame, Jin doesn't wish to see you right now." Ryo said as he tried to keep Kame away from his guest room.
"He didn't let me explain, Ryo. I deserve the right to be heard because when he chose to break up with me, I listened to him. I gave him what he wanted because that was what he asked of me." Kazuya said, emphasizing what he had done for Jin's sake. "It'd be unfair if I allow him to think that I seduced his best friend to get back at him! That's unfair for all three of us and that's the reason why I need to fucking talk to him!" Kazuya knew he was almost screaming at the man who was hiding Jin from him but he didn't really give a damn about it all.
"Kame, tonight is not a good time..." Ryo said, resigned.
"It doesn't change anything if I talk to him tomorrow and let him be tonight."
Ryo shifted his weight to his left foot, studying Kame's profile. "No, it's not that. You see, Jin...uhh, he's...uhh..."
"Please, Ryo." Kazuya finally sounded weary. He was too tired; exhausted from all his work and the emotional chaos he's in. In a way, he knew that what he was doing doesn't include Yamapi and his fucking deal anymore. "I need to do this." For Jin, for Yamapi, for myself.
The resigned look Kame wore on his face was all he needed to make Ryo's strong will waver. As brown eyes softly gazed upon him, Kazuya knew he had won.
"Whatever happens," the older of the two said. "I am out of this crap you and my best friends are in." Ryo said and let his arms limp to his sides.
The younger male nodded. "Of course." Kazuya said. "You're out of this mess."
Kazuya walked forwards then, heading for the guest room when he heard Ryo's voice again. "Jin...he really loves you. Don't ask me why or how, I just know."
Kazuya could only nod and told himself that he's going to win Jin's heart again if what Ryo told him was true.
--
He'd spent the past days clubbing. He wanted to forget and that was what he was aiming for tonight. Forget everything that Kamenashi had done. Found comfort in sex.
She was there, hovering above him as his fingers traced the heated skin of her body. He got her all worked up for the past thirty minutes and he had made her come once during that time. His knowledge about the female anatomy still came handy and all he needed was to push a few buttons to have her writhing in pleasure.
It was her turn to pleasure him now and pleasure was what he needed after all those heartaches.
She dropped kisses on his face, on his chest, on his shoulders but never on his lips. He didn't want to anyway. He felt her go down on him and the warmth that surrounded him was nothing compared to what he had experienced before. She wasn't as skilled as his former lover but she'd do. He wasn't after the emotional attachment after all. He just needed someone to make him feel special and loved again, someone to satisfy his needs.
He watched her with intent gazes and after she dropped a kiss on his neck, Jin felt himself being sheathed. She was warm, tight, and slick around him. Her muscles were clamping down on him with every thrust but Jin could see her face contort in pleasure as her chest heaved while she rocked her hips up and down, riding him in a sensual manner.
She was gasping, moaning, and sweating. He was panting and he could feel that knot inside him wanting to uncoil. She hastened her pace and when she moaned loudly and came for the second time, it didn't take long for Jin to reach his climax.
When he opened his eyes after he came down from his high, he caught a glimpse of a very familiar figure closing the door of the room he was in. Jin didn't dare call out his name.
She lied beside him, panting. Jin lied supine on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
"Akanishi-san, I had a great time." she whispered in his ear. "You're a good lover."
Jin chuckled bitterly and said, "Too bad somebody already owns me." then he got up from the bed and cleaned himself.
As the water ran down his skin, Jin knew he regretted the fact that Kazuya saw him doing it with some random woman. But then again, he and Kazuya were already over. The issue of being unfaithful no longer applied to him.
--
Jin didn't like it. He didn't like seeing Kamenashi depending on Yamashita. The two were currently seated on a couch and were talking about something that had Kazuya laughing at one point.
No, Jin didn't like it because Kazuya was faking everything. Yamapi would be too dense not to notice the sadness and emptiness that accompanied Kazuya's fake sounds of happiness.
"What the hell is your problem, Kamenashi?!" Jin found himself asking the younger male when Yamashita left the room.
Kazuya gave the other a calm look and said, "Nothing."
"Your nothing means everything so don't try to fool me. I may be an idiot but I know you inside out." Jin said, almost exasperated with the façade Kazuya had put up.
"Do you, really?" Kazuya's voice was colder than cold and emotionless. Flat.
"Of course, I do!" Jin snapped.
Kazuya chuckled bitterly and said, "Unfortunately, you're taking more credit than you deserve to have. You don't know me, Akanishi. You don't fucking know me because if you do, you would never let me see you fucking some random person around!"
"Now, now." Jin could feel himself getting mad. "You don't have any right to tell me that, Kamenashi. You were the first one to fuck around and you did it with my best friend! That was fucking low!"
"Have you ever realized that I did what I did because I was out of my wits and going crazy because I fucking miss you and you left me with a broken heart and Yamashita was there because he cares for me and that he loves me the way you do?!"
"H-he loves you?" Jin's voice was barely audible.
Kazuya shifted his gaze to the side instead of answering the man. "I admit that I grew weak that day because he made me feel the way you do...I'm sorry." the younger took in a deep breath. "I know I could never turn back the time now and I could not undo my mistakes. We had our time. Maybe, it would be best if we just move on with our lives. I loved you, Jin."
"Loved?" Jin had to ask.
"Yes, loved." Kazuya whispered. "Because everything between us belonged in the past now."
"Kazu-"
"Don't." Kazuya interjected. "We're doing well as Kamenashi and Akanishi and let's keep it at that."
Kazuya tried to muster all of his courage and gave Jin a kiss of goodbye.
Their lips touched and Jin couldn't help but wrap his arms around Kazuya's figure.
"Don't go," Jin whispered.
Kazuya smiled sadly and he felt his lips tremble as his eyes suddenly grew warm with moisture. "I'm sure that our memories are enough to remind you of how much I fell for you, Akanishi Jin-kun." and with that, Kazuya pulled away from that comfortable warmth that had held him for so many nights. Something that Yamashita could never replace.
"I love you, Kazuya." Jin said before the door closed with a soft creak. "I'm sorry."
--
All they needed for them to be together at one place was one big event like a talent getting married with the woman he loves.
The hall was full of people from their agency and some other famous artists and the couple's family and friends. Since the couple wanted their wedding to be fun and memorable, they opted for a masquerade theme. The flashy ball gowns, masks, and suits almost blinded Jin and the loud music was deafening to his ears. The reception was going well.
He searched around and saw Yamashita talking with Kamenashi in a corner as the younger one was busy downing his alcoholic drink. Jin smiled, satisfied that he could watch Kazuya from afar.
Several hours had passed and it was almost midnight. The guests were still on a high like the newlywed.
A tap on Jin's shoulder made him turn to his side. It was his best friend.
"He's all yours." Yamapi said, smiling.
"He's always been mine." Jin grinned. He and Yamapi had a serious talk about their situation and of course, it was to their best interest that Yamapi let Kazuya go and be happy with Jin.
"Let's go change. I told him I need to use the bathroom." Yamapi said as he started to unbutton his vest while he and Jin headed for the restroom.
--
Kazuya was already halfway through with his bottle of tequila. He was more than glad that no one was bothering him.
"What took you so long, Pi?" he said, when the man in a dashing black suit and fancy mask returned to the seat next to him. The man did not speak.
Kazuya turned to his left and pouted. "You're mean. Why aren't you talking to me?" the man did not speak yet again and Kazuya continued on mumbling about a wall being a better company than a human being who refused to talk.
When Kazuya found himself getting dizzy and his mind was buzzing real good from all the alcohol, he glanced at the crowd before he leaned in to kiss the man who sat next to him.
"I like you." Kazuya said and held one of his friend's hands, dragged the man out of the hall and headed for the elevators. He remembered asking Pi to reserve a room for him because he really planned on getting drunk. Kazuya smirked slightly because he wasn't and the man he was dragging by the hand at the moment did not refuse any of his advances.
--
The door closed shut and Kazuya immediately kissed the man on the lips after he had locked it. His hands found the buttons and started to open the man's suit. Kazuya pressed the man against the wall as he kissed the man hungrily.
Jin moved to take his mask off but was stopped by Kazuya.
"Don't remove your mask, Pi. Let me be selfish for another night and let me pretend that it's Jin I'm loving at the moment."
Jin stilled then. If Kazuya thought that he was Pi then Kazuya failed the test. If the act was finished and Kazuya thinks that he was Pi and not Jin, then he'd have to set Kazuya free. He wanted Kazuya to remember him, to recognize him by heart that's why he changed clothes with Pi. If Kazuya-
"Don't think about anything else." Kazuya's voice broke Jin's flow of thoughts. "You love me and I love you. I want you." Kazuya whispered wantonly as his hand stroked the growing bulge under the soft fabric of the man's pants.
It took Kazuya five minutes to undress himself and the man and led them both to bed. He pushed him down on the bed and immediately straddled his lover. Kazuya dropped a few kisses on the man's face, on his neck, on his chest but never allowing his lips to press against the man's collarbones.
If Jin wanted to play with him, then Kazuya would.
He held the man's left hand, brushed his lips on the finger that was supposed to have Yamapi's own version of a pinky ring. Kazuya knew the style. He knew it very well and he also knew from the very start that he was with the person he loved the most. With so much happiness clouding his mind, Kazuya rewarded the man with gentle kisses all over his body.
His own version of bakanishi was back.
A frustrated groan escaped Jin's lips when Kazuya's lips brushed against his inner thigh. A whimper came forth when Kazuya, the little tease, gave a single lick on the tip of his throbbing cock.
"Did it ever cross your mind,” the younger started to say, “that I'll only do this because you're you?" Kazuya said softly. "Stop playing me for a fool. I know what you're up to even if your best friend didn't squeal. I saw you and Yamapi go to the bathroom and the minute the both of you went out, I knew then that you changed clothes with him."
Jin would have answered but a moan escaped his lips since Kazuya decided to give his length several licks before trapping him inside that warm mouth.
"Kazuya." Jin gasped when the younger sucked on his length that made Jin arch his back.
"Finally." Kazuya sounded smug. "I thought you lost the ability to talk, Jin."
Jin just chuckled slightly and pulled Kazuya to him. "You're still a tease." he said after the younger had removed his mask. Jin kissed Kazuya on the lips.
Their kiss was demanding, wet, and passionate. It was something they both didn't want to end but had to because the air in their lungs was insufficient.
"I missed you, baby." Jin whispered against Kazuya's lips.
"Can we do the explaining later?" Kazuya asked. He ground his hips against Jin's and they both moaned in gratification.
"Yes." Jin answered with a raspy, breathy voice. They were lost again as they shared another kiss.
--
Jin was lying on his back with a pillow propped under his head. Kazuya, who was as sweaty and aroused, was facing him. Kazuya lowered himself on Jin's member, his hands and knees on either side of his lover's torso.
Jin groaned in the tightness and warmth that seemed to burn even his soul. He felt loved and special and finally, he was complete again.
Kazuya gently swiveled his hips from side to side, slowly moving in circles that had Jin panting and moaning beneath him. He, too, was starting to lose himself in the pleasure. Jin filling him up to the hilt proved to be too much. Jin's length glides in and out of him, grazing every inch of him.
Their lovemaking was slow yet loving and when Jin could no longer hold back, he got hold of Kazuya's hips and maneuvered the both of them in a position that allowed him to thrust inside his love. When he had Kazuya writhing, he stroked his lover's length until they both shuddered at the same time and pleasure clouded their minds.
When the act was over, Jin cuddled Kazuya up and said, "Do you want me to explain now?"
Kazuya snuggled close to his lover and replied, "No. I think I understand everything." and he really did. It wasn't that hard to put two and two together. Right now, all that mattered was him being enclosed in Jin's arms again and basking in that comfort that had always made him feel loved and cared for.
"What about Pi?" Kazuya asked weakly, still tired from their activity.
"We're fine. He said that you should stick with me and stop being the tease that you are."
Kazuya smirked and slapped Jin on the chest that had Jin grunting. When Kazuya looked up, he was met with a gentle, loving gaze. Kazuya smiled and kissed Jin.
"You're stuck with me till the end of time." Kazuya said, entwining his fingers with Jin's.
"It would be the best thing that's going to happen to me." Jin was more than happy to be assured that he'd spend his lifetime with Kazuya by his side.
~*~