AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh okay breath in breath out breath in breath out..... waiting for this and having everything else shrink fade in comparison sucks muchly so even when I woke up and this was here I had this cramp in my stomach because reading it was as painful as not reading it and knowing it was there.....but then of course I read it and it hurt, hurt a lot, left me lingering on that last moment there when my brain wanted it to be a bad dream, or maybe a bad acid trip that sam was having, or dean ate something really way past the date of expiration so it could all just STOPPPPPPPPP. when I started the chapter, I was just digging the word choice (god I love your dialogue) and loving the flow of the interaction between Dean and Sam and Bobby back at Bobby's house and the morphine and now I'm thinking on that scene with nostalgia because I'm having a real hard time between the stomach cramp and dean not being able to get up and sam's chest. So yeah, umm, yeah, it's still hurting, the stomach's cramping and I'm honestly feeling up against the door, no where to turn, scared shitless, no going back So, there's a plan, right, there's a way out, right, we're all gonna get a chance to lick our wounds and recover and breath easy again, right I guess this is where I go walk my dog now and step back. This is where I say you amaze me (because you do) and I worship your writing (because I do) but my stomach still hurts and dean's still on the ground and sam's chest ........
You know, this chapter was such a hard write, and I was so terrified of getting it WRONG, and not LISTENING properly, or listening from the wrong ANGLE, and I did, I did all those things, and I wrote them and then I had to go back and rewrite them listening to the right things from the right angle. And all the time I am wondering: why can't I just get it right the first time. Why do I always have to do everything every wrong way there is, before I get to the right way? Why am I so STUPID?
And I had to pitch a writerly fit and go be in a cave for a few days.
And I get what you mean when you say breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out, because yeah, that's how I feel too, because GOD I need to take a breath. And it feels like SOON, I will be able to. But then I think... maybe I has forgotten HOW.
We will see. If I have or not. Soon, I guess.
I am a bit sorry, because... well, when I read that above, it doesn't really sound like an enjoyable reading experience you are having. *grimaces* But you keep showing up, so... *bites lip* I'm awful glad to have ya on board.
I hope you are finding pockets of smiles. In strange places. In RL. I really do. *hugs you*
never never never be sorry, it's why I love writers (okay, amazing writers mostly- okay you), it's why I read (hasn't changed since I was under the covers past the bedtime with a flashlight way way back when), it's why there are books/stories I go to again and again no matter how much they hurt the first time. Because I need them, crave them, exist better because of them. You are amazing, you are profoundly amazing, and this....Blind Spot, does what the BEST of stories do, it hurts because you made us care about the world between these pages and the characters that inhabit that world and all the physical reactions to them just prove that. Don't you dare be sorry. It was fucking amazing, which doesn't mean you didn't upset my stomach, but I'll live.
reread what I'd already written in reply and just needed to lighten my ass up a bit. Okay, lightening up. Kermit's doing the banjo thing and I am just so going with it.
okay breath in breath out breath in breath out.....
waiting for this and having everything else shrink fade in comparison sucks muchly so even when I woke up and this was here I had this cramp in my stomach because reading it was as painful as not reading it and knowing it was there.....but then of course I read it and it
hurt, hurt a lot, left me lingering on that last moment there when my brain wanted it to be a bad dream, or maybe a bad acid trip that sam was having, or dean ate something really way past the date of expiration so it could all just STOPPPPPPPPP.
when I started the chapter, I was just digging the word choice (god I love your dialogue) and loving the flow of the interaction between Dean and Sam and Bobby back at Bobby's house and the morphine and now I'm thinking on that scene with nostalgia because I'm having a real hard time between the stomach cramp and dean not being able to get up and sam's chest.
So yeah,
umm,
yeah,
it's still hurting,
the stomach's cramping
and I'm honestly feeling up against the door, no where to turn, scared shitless, no going back
So, there's a plan, right, there's a way out, right,
we're all gonna get a chance to lick our wounds and recover and breath easy again, right
I guess this is where I go walk my dog now and step back.
This is where I say you amaze me (because you do) and I worship your writing (because I do)
but my stomach still hurts and
dean's still on the ground and sam's chest ........
Reply
And I had to pitch a writerly fit and go be in a cave for a few days.
And I get what you mean when you say breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out, because yeah, that's how I feel too, because GOD I need to take a breath. And it feels like SOON, I will be able to. But then I think... maybe I has forgotten HOW.
We will see. If I have or not. Soon, I guess.
I am a bit sorry, because... well, when I read that above, it doesn't really sound like an enjoyable reading experience you are having. *grimaces* But you keep showing up, so... *bites lip* I'm awful glad to have ya on board.
I hope you are finding pockets of smiles. In strange places. In RL. I really do. *hugs you*
Reply
Because I need them, crave them, exist better because of them.
You are amazing, you are profoundly amazing, and this....Blind Spot, does what the BEST of stories do, it hurts because you made us care about the world between these pages and the characters that inhabit that world and all the physical reactions to them just prove that.
Don't you dare be sorry.
It was fucking amazing,
which doesn't mean you didn't upset my stomach, but I'll live.
Reply
Okay, lightening up.
Kermit's doing the banjo thing and I am just so going with it.
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