As the dust settles,
Things are slowly getting back to normal and I think it's safe to say that the overly emotional are getting their two feet back on the ground. I know I may sound cheap when I say this but it just so happens that my job is about helping people getting back on track. I just can't stand our society's current addiction to victimization! It makes you wonder how anyone could ever manage to get over their problems. This being said, I understand very well that everyone has been profoundly affected by the passing of Gaby and all of us need to mourn. It's perfectly acceptable to be limping our ways back to work and do the kind of things we used to do for a little while. All I'm saying is that if you have a broken arm, let it heal. Don't sign up to be a pitcher at your local softball team when you did not even play the game before hand.
This is something I've been seeing a lot of lately - the need to twist a knife in the wound - and it's been bothering me, and my lack of patience has not made the situation any better. I have (politely) spoken my mind on the matter to the concerned though and I'm glad I did. There are times in life when you need a kick in the but to get things straight. This is what I call pro-active support.
I've been trying to help the immediate family as best as I can in reaching all of his friends and co-workers and to make things as easy as possible to everyone, I'm trying to limit the number of times I have to talk about it to people (especially his mother). Some of this work has been done for me so I'm quite fortunate. Gaby was a very nice guy (sometimes even TOO nice), so the task of actually reaching EVERYONE that would have wanted to come has proven to be a daunting task. He had friends in many circles and I can't pretend to actually know everyone. I have given my phone number as a virtual hotline for any information these people could need, meaning I'm getting call from strangers who are still obviously upset with what has happened and I'm doing my best to comfort them. I have to admit that I don't always know what to say because I myself am still surprised at this. It's quite different then when I'm at work on the help line because I usually have all my cards in hand. It's not the case with Gaby's death.
Anyhow, I figure that this weekend will bring a second wave of distress in many people. Once that is done, we will have to take a look at all the personal belongings his family asked to be split amongst his friends. He was a roommate with others from the gang so everything is there and ready, we just don't know how to split the stuff up yet. I have strong faith in the good hearts of my friends that no disputes will arise over this, but I would not try the same thing with any other people.
This is something I've been seeing a lot of lately - the need to twist a knife in the wound - and it's been bothering me, and my lack of patience has not made the situation any better. I have (politely) spoken my mind on the matter to the concerned though and I'm glad I did. There are times in life when you need a kick in the but to get things straight. This is what I call pro-active support.
I've been trying to help the immediate family as best as I can in reaching all of his friends and co-workers and to make things as easy as possible to everyone, I'm trying to limit the number of times I have to talk about it to people (especially his mother). Some of this work has been done for me so I'm quite fortunate. Gaby was a very nice guy (sometimes even TOO nice), so the task of actually reaching EVERYONE that would have wanted to come has proven to be a daunting task. He had friends in many circles and I can't pretend to actually know everyone. I have given my phone number as a virtual hotline for any information these people could need, meaning I'm getting call from strangers who are still obviously upset with what has happened and I'm doing my best to comfort them. I have to admit that I don't always know what to say because I myself am still surprised at this. It's quite different then when I'm at work on the help line because I usually have all my cards in hand. It's not the case with Gaby's death.
Anyhow, I figure that this weekend will bring a second wave of distress in many people. Once that is done, we will have to take a look at all the personal belongings his family asked to be split amongst his friends. He was a roommate with others from the gang so everything is there and ready, we just don't know how to split the stuff up yet. I have strong faith in the good hearts of my friends that no disputes will arise over this, but I would not try the same thing with any other people.