Dad...
Last Tuesday I interned my father to the hospital. A lot of people around us (ie my brother and I) keep asking questions, stories, details, they keep wanting to hear the whole story so that they can gasp and be in awe about just how bad things had been for Dad. Two things come to mind.
First, I could list all the problems he had and all the things he did, it would not make much of a difference. Everyone knew him and saw how he lived, so to ask for all these things is just trying to find a reason to accept what is going on. We have all been thinking the same thing for years but never dared do anything. Second, and this is not addressed to my brother, if people all agreed that this was a move that was due for years, why did it have to be either me or my brother? In fact it had to be me. Senior son, the one that he had (in some way) the best connection to him. Everyone was glad that I did what I did, but I have a feeling that they where also in part glad that it did not have to be them. It's a notion that I have trouble shacking off.
Yesterday late in the evening my brother and I geared up to go and see him in his new room. I was hopping to go step by step with him, not tell him everything, for instance I would have NOT told him that the hospital thought he might be suffering from Alzheimer dementia, but my brother on the other hand decided to lay the sauce very heavy. In some way I think he had enough of the whole situation and took the opportunity to "vider son sac" so to speak. My eyes begged him not to go further in the details but he was enraged. He did not want to sugar coat it (pun). He thought my father had enough of the nice treatment and now he needed to face ALL the demons up front.
By the way, the dementia thing was only told to us a few hours before we went there. Oh well...
It was not a fun evening but here's the conclusion: He's not mad at us for bringing him here, he seems to understand that he's not fully coherent on thoughts and that the neither the hospital nor us will let him leave because he has shown signs of... Meh, I'd rather not mention this here. But he is miserable beyond belief. He also knows that if he ever wants to see his house again, he will have to drastically change his mental state and ways of living. On that my brother thinks I gave him a false hope, but I on the other hand believe that if he could get back some level of mobility and better mental state then he could very well, with difficulty, manage to live a few more years alone in his house if he wants to. There's also the fact that it would give him a goal to achieve, something that is very dear to him. Take away all hopes and dreams and you will be left with nothing to work with. At the very least, if he does manage to get back the clear state of mind that I wish he could get, then everything will be easier to handle. Then again, I don't know much about Alzheimers, if that's what he has at all. We just don't know. If he does have Alzheimer's then maybe I should prepare for the worst.
I'm looking forward to make a new year's toast. 2007 is made of pure megasuck. Still, looking back, I know I did the right thing. At the very least I would have felt like a coward if I had let him go back home. Now that he's at the hospital there are so many things that come more clearly, there is much work to be done.
Speaking of which, I should go see him, then I should go see my other Grandmother who's also in the hospital and she does not know about her son. Thing is she's got her own set of problems, mostly due with a mental frailty. I'd rather stick to my plan and just go over to that friends house for a cool working session. I need some time away from my life right now, I have enough to deal with.
First, I could list all the problems he had and all the things he did, it would not make much of a difference. Everyone knew him and saw how he lived, so to ask for all these things is just trying to find a reason to accept what is going on. We have all been thinking the same thing for years but never dared do anything. Second, and this is not addressed to my brother, if people all agreed that this was a move that was due for years, why did it have to be either me or my brother? In fact it had to be me. Senior son, the one that he had (in some way) the best connection to him. Everyone was glad that I did what I did, but I have a feeling that they where also in part glad that it did not have to be them. It's a notion that I have trouble shacking off.
Yesterday late in the evening my brother and I geared up to go and see him in his new room. I was hopping to go step by step with him, not tell him everything, for instance I would have NOT told him that the hospital thought he might be suffering from Alzheimer dementia, but my brother on the other hand decided to lay the sauce very heavy. In some way I think he had enough of the whole situation and took the opportunity to "vider son sac" so to speak. My eyes begged him not to go further in the details but he was enraged. He did not want to sugar coat it (pun). He thought my father had enough of the nice treatment and now he needed to face ALL the demons up front.
By the way, the dementia thing was only told to us a few hours before we went there. Oh well...
It was not a fun evening but here's the conclusion: He's not mad at us for bringing him here, he seems to understand that he's not fully coherent on thoughts and that the neither the hospital nor us will let him leave because he has shown signs of... Meh, I'd rather not mention this here. But he is miserable beyond belief. He also knows that if he ever wants to see his house again, he will have to drastically change his mental state and ways of living. On that my brother thinks I gave him a false hope, but I on the other hand believe that if he could get back some level of mobility and better mental state then he could very well, with difficulty, manage to live a few more years alone in his house if he wants to. There's also the fact that it would give him a goal to achieve, something that is very dear to him. Take away all hopes and dreams and you will be left with nothing to work with. At the very least, if he does manage to get back the clear state of mind that I wish he could get, then everything will be easier to handle. Then again, I don't know much about Alzheimers, if that's what he has at all. We just don't know. If he does have Alzheimer's then maybe I should prepare for the worst.
I'm looking forward to make a new year's toast. 2007 is made of pure megasuck. Still, looking back, I know I did the right thing. At the very least I would have felt like a coward if I had let him go back home. Now that he's at the hospital there are so many things that come more clearly, there is much work to be done.
Speaking of which, I should go see him, then I should go see my other Grandmother who's also in the hospital and she does not know about her son. Thing is she's got her own set of problems, mostly due with a mental frailty. I'd rather stick to my plan and just go over to that friends house for a cool working session. I need some time away from my life right now, I have enough to deal with.