Sad
Nothing is really happening today, but I feel kind of bummed and run down.
I know I need to go to my crappy studio apartment and pack (I need to be out Monday)…but I am just not in the mood. I am struggling to even stay out of bed this afternoon. Well, I do have to break down and head over there by tomorrow morning; I only brought my weekly pill box with me…I need to refill it as today is the last day of pills in the box. Pretty exciting, huh? Just like an old fart, me and my pill box.
*Sigh* Just so lonely right now. Interesting fact that highlights this point: my neighbors had lots of friends and family helping them unpack. I literally have had zero help. Part of me is trying to see that as a good thing, that I’m independent, and that I can take care of myself. On the other hand, I can’t help but see that as an indication of my loneliness. I had a huge fire happen…and I have had zero help in getting resettled. This is huge. If one of my friends was in the boat, I’d be there in a heartbeat. Am I just that pathetic, or do people just not get it?
Yeah, I guess it’s official that I’m depressed today. Fuck. It’s been a crazy week, and I’ve felt shitty pretty much the whole time. But today I guess is the first day that hasn’t been crazy, and the stillness is almost worse. Like it gives me time to really feel how miserable I am inside right now.
I’m okay…I’ll get through this, just like everything else I’ve made it through this past 18 months. I am on the tail-end of dealing with the fire and the drama…I just need to hang in a little bit longer. But I have to admit, unless I feel much better soon, I can’t go back to work on 1st. I just have so many things I need to get done. Yes, I’ve made a list and broken it down into steps, but it still feels really ugly. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get it all done next week. Hell, feeling the way I feel right this second, I’m not even sure how I’m going to get out of my crappy studio apartment in two days. And given how helpful all my friends have been thus far with the moving situation, I realize there really isn’t anyone I can call up and ask for help.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m so sick of feeling miserable. I’ve tried just about everything. Hell, one of the biggest reasons I got the kitties would be to help with the loneliness. So far, that has been kind of a bust. They are both really sick with upper respiratory infections (on top of being in a new home), so long story short, they haven’t really moved out of the hall bathroom much. Which I get…and I know it will get better, but I guess the silly fairy tale part of me thought that they would immediately make me feel loved and not so alone. *Snort*
Oh well. One foot in front of the other. There isn’t much else I can do. Just gut it out. Eventually it might get better…I guess that’s where I just have to be blindly hopeful for a better tomorrow.
I know I need to go to my crappy studio apartment and pack (I need to be out Monday)…but I am just not in the mood. I am struggling to even stay out of bed this afternoon. Well, I do have to break down and head over there by tomorrow morning; I only brought my weekly pill box with me…I need to refill it as today is the last day of pills in the box. Pretty exciting, huh? Just like an old fart, me and my pill box.
*Sigh* Just so lonely right now. Interesting fact that highlights this point: my neighbors had lots of friends and family helping them unpack. I literally have had zero help. Part of me is trying to see that as a good thing, that I’m independent, and that I can take care of myself. On the other hand, I can’t help but see that as an indication of my loneliness. I had a huge fire happen…and I have had zero help in getting resettled. This is huge. If one of my friends was in the boat, I’d be there in a heartbeat. Am I just that pathetic, or do people just not get it?
Yeah, I guess it’s official that I’m depressed today. Fuck. It’s been a crazy week, and I’ve felt shitty pretty much the whole time. But today I guess is the first day that hasn’t been crazy, and the stillness is almost worse. Like it gives me time to really feel how miserable I am inside right now.
I’m okay…I’ll get through this, just like everything else I’ve made it through this past 18 months. I am on the tail-end of dealing with the fire and the drama…I just need to hang in a little bit longer. But I have to admit, unless I feel much better soon, I can’t go back to work on 1st. I just have so many things I need to get done. Yes, I’ve made a list and broken it down into steps, but it still feels really ugly. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get it all done next week. Hell, feeling the way I feel right this second, I’m not even sure how I’m going to get out of my crappy studio apartment in two days. And given how helpful all my friends have been thus far with the moving situation, I realize there really isn’t anyone I can call up and ask for help.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m so sick of feeling miserable. I’ve tried just about everything. Hell, one of the biggest reasons I got the kitties would be to help with the loneliness. So far, that has been kind of a bust. They are both really sick with upper respiratory infections (on top of being in a new home), so long story short, they haven’t really moved out of the hall bathroom much. Which I get…and I know it will get better, but I guess the silly fairy tale part of me thought that they would immediately make me feel loved and not so alone. *Snort*
Oh well. One foot in front of the other. There isn’t much else I can do. Just gut it out. Eventually it might get better…I guess that’s where I just have to be blindly hopeful for a better tomorrow.