(no subject)
So, I've been thinking a lot the last few weeks. When I was younger, I saw on TV the lines of people desparate to get on the last choppers out of Vietnam. I saw movies about Jews desperately trying to smuggle their children out of Germany at the last minute. I read stories about people starting to discuss going to the equator, as the glaciers moved in on New York. And I kept thinking, "Why? Why did they wait so long? Couldn't they see what was coming? Didn't it occur to them to get out while the getting was good?"
Of course, now I know why. Things get bad, and you think, "Not good -- but I can deal with this and surely it can't get worse. It'll turn around soon. I have so much invested here already, I'd look like a fool throwing everything away now. Soon will happen, and it will all start getting better." I know the story. That's what kept me in a relationship for 25 years that I should have gotten out of decades ago.
But everything has it's limits, even my capacity for self delusion. This last election, I had hoped it was still possible to turn things around, or at least halt the tide for a few more years. But it didn't work out that way, and I think it is time, for me at least, to get out while it still can be done in a organized way. Canada, I think.
My brother and his wife have been thinking of moving to Mexico after their youngest graduates next year, but Mexico is too low tech for my taste. I've considered Australia, but that's too far away. I'm not thrilled about the cold, but Canadian winters can't be worse than some of the summers I've made it through. It's a really nice country, what I've seen. I've visited a few times and enjoyed it.
I have no children and my marriage is effectively over. I have a decent amount of savings, what I think is good marketable skills, and no debt. I don't own a house (or at least won't after the divorce) and I'm not overly burdened with possesions (except books). The idea of starting over alone in a new country at 50 scares the hell out of me, but not as much as staying here.
The pendulum swings back and forth, and they are long slow swings. I could be wrong, but I don't think anything's going to be swinging back to the left any time soon -- certainly not in 4 years. I have lived in tiny towns in the Bible Belt, I have seen theocracy in action. The school princpal may have gotten away with telling my mother, "I don't give a damm what the Supreme Court says, this is my school and I'll run it any way I want", but his scope and power were, in the end, limited. What's going on nationally is going to be a lot worse.
I've seen a lot of posts about not giving up, fighting on -- more power to them. But I'm no good at fighting to change things. I'm not, at this point, planning on giving up my US Citizenship. I'll still vote, still support others in the fight financially and however else I can. But if it does all go to pieces as I fear it can -- If in a few years people are being rounded up on the streets -- hopefully I will be somewhere better, settled in and friendly with the neighbors, and maybe in a position to help others get out.
It all sounds so dramatic, but it starts with baby steps. Come the first of the year, I will start moving on a divorce to clear up my legal status. We've been separated for two years, it shouldn't be too difficult. I will start learning French. I get dinged a few points towards a Permenant Visa because of my age, but French will help. I will get my resume and other paperwork in order. I need to do a lot of research, and maybe some traveling in Canada to see where I want to go. There's still a long way to go, and this may never happen, but I feel like I am moving in the right direction. I wish I didn't have to face this choice, but I think, for me, the time is right to move on.
Of course, now I know why. Things get bad, and you think, "Not good -- but I can deal with this and surely it can't get worse. It'll turn around soon. I have so much invested here already, I'd look like a fool throwing everything away now. Soon will happen, and it will all start getting better." I know the story. That's what kept me in a relationship for 25 years that I should have gotten out of decades ago.
But everything has it's limits, even my capacity for self delusion. This last election, I had hoped it was still possible to turn things around, or at least halt the tide for a few more years. But it didn't work out that way, and I think it is time, for me at least, to get out while it still can be done in a organized way. Canada, I think.
My brother and his wife have been thinking of moving to Mexico after their youngest graduates next year, but Mexico is too low tech for my taste. I've considered Australia, but that's too far away. I'm not thrilled about the cold, but Canadian winters can't be worse than some of the summers I've made it through. It's a really nice country, what I've seen. I've visited a few times and enjoyed it.
I have no children and my marriage is effectively over. I have a decent amount of savings, what I think is good marketable skills, and no debt. I don't own a house (or at least won't after the divorce) and I'm not overly burdened with possesions (except books). The idea of starting over alone in a new country at 50 scares the hell out of me, but not as much as staying here.
The pendulum swings back and forth, and they are long slow swings. I could be wrong, but I don't think anything's going to be swinging back to the left any time soon -- certainly not in 4 years. I have lived in tiny towns in the Bible Belt, I have seen theocracy in action. The school princpal may have gotten away with telling my mother, "I don't give a damm what the Supreme Court says, this is my school and I'll run it any way I want", but his scope and power were, in the end, limited. What's going on nationally is going to be a lot worse.
I've seen a lot of posts about not giving up, fighting on -- more power to them. But I'm no good at fighting to change things. I'm not, at this point, planning on giving up my US Citizenship. I'll still vote, still support others in the fight financially and however else I can. But if it does all go to pieces as I fear it can -- If in a few years people are being rounded up on the streets -- hopefully I will be somewhere better, settled in and friendly with the neighbors, and maybe in a position to help others get out.
It all sounds so dramatic, but it starts with baby steps. Come the first of the year, I will start moving on a divorce to clear up my legal status. We've been separated for two years, it shouldn't be too difficult. I will start learning French. I get dinged a few points towards a Permenant Visa because of my age, but French will help. I will get my resume and other paperwork in order. I need to do a lot of research, and maybe some traveling in Canada to see where I want to go. There's still a long way to go, and this may never happen, but I feel like I am moving in the right direction. I wish I didn't have to face this choice, but I think, for me, the time is right to move on.