happy loman
it seems like everyone is either mad at me, annoyed with me, hates me, is tired of me, doesnt have enough patience with me, or just has some sort of problem with me, no matter how much they do actually like me. im too needy, im too much of a beggar, i get in the way, im too lazy, im too stupid, im too smart, i want it my way, im too mean, im too nice, i smile too much, i complain too much, im not good enough, im not worth your time, im too wimpy, im too quiet, i talk too much, im too emotional, i need to get over myself, i need to put my priorities in order, i work too much, i don't do anything right, im not trustworthy, im not real enough, im an easy target, i screw up too much, im easy to laugh at, i get confused to easily, im too blonde, im a terrible liar, i lie too much, im too pathetic, i have too many problems...yeah, it seems to go on and on. im tired of being put down! so many people insult me even if they are just joking or dont realize it. some people think i wont take anything to heart or will or wont take something seriously, but i will if i take it to mean something. its like "Casey, you never actually thought...omg. you did? thats so cute." (from the movie shes all that if you didnt know) maybe its that I cant be taken seriously. ugh. thats just how it seems lately. maybe its the stress of the holidays or that we all lead very busy lives right now, but we all have feelings...and yes i love my friends very much and dont know what i would do without them, hmm i dont know what im trying to say here...thats another problem of mine, my words don't come out right...and i definitely could be an offender of this, but at some point we will say things that we don't mean...im not directing this to any certain event, but there has just been so much that has been going on, and i think everyone is caught up in stuff... there's college, theres test scores, theres school plays, buying/making christmas gifts, driving in the terrible weather, projects, homework, jobs, boys, friends, activities and hobbies, family, and theres always competition, something no one can help. whether its against someone else or within yourself, everyone seems to be competing for something. everyone wants a little recognition for something, everyone wants there to be at least one time in their life where they say "hey, at least i did better than that person" i know a lot of us have been in that situation before. i myself was like that today when i thought me and allison got the same grade on a math test, i was like sweeet! however that was her phsysics test and she did better than me on the math test, lol...but i was definitely damn proud of my 88 in math nevertheless, and hey, i got a 100 on my chemistry test! yay! this is supposed to be a joyful season. so please, can someone just tell me what my problem is? thank you. i am tired of always feeling like im missing out on something or im not seeing the big picture...im tired of feeling so dumb.
in other news i enjoyed my snowday, work is fine, life is fine, my team won the bball game in overtime and i scored a basket, audrey comes home in 48 hours and i love nick! yay for the MBers.
Casey~