Evelyn Calls
4/1/04 6:02 PM
Evelyn called to say:
"I'm so sorry about my behavior did I get any of the Caesar Salad on your suede pants I am being sued by one of the Carlyle's maids who slipped on an anchovy in my apartment but that's what happens when you behave badly in front of the help."
"Are you on Drugs?" I reply.
"Yes for my face I never should have done the Laser peel at the same time as my facelift I can't move my jaw have you ever tried eating Tuna Tartar through a straw?"
"Put it in a blender with a light Sauvignon Blanc, never a Chardonnay, which tends to foam when mixed with seafood in a high speed appliance, and set the dial to liquefy for 30 seconds" I reply, hoping she'll hang up on me.
"Stop making fun of me everyone's making fun of me Courtney called from Arizona and said I must be in trouble and invited me to come out and stay with her."
"At where, Sierra Tucson?" which I understand she has confused with the "Canyon Ranch."
"No, Patrick, she donates her time and money to a youth hospice near her family's ranch and hasn't done anything since she and Tim Bryce broke off their engagement after her thing with Luis and I heard David Van Patten was turned down by CAA because he wasn't good-looking enough to work there and he didn't quite get the Lichtenstein in the lobby anyway and I am looking at the most beautiful flowers from Robert Isabell but I can't find the card oh here it is thank you Corrado."
"It says: 'Don't worry my darling, you will be more beautiful than ever, Love Oscar.' I wonder which Oscar, De La Renta or De La Hoya?"
I answer "Maybe Oscar Meyer."
"Who's Oscar Meyer?" she asks as I hang up the phone.
Virtually yours,
Patrick Bateman
Evelyn called to say:
"I'm so sorry about my behavior did I get any of the Caesar Salad on your suede pants I am being sued by one of the Carlyle's maids who slipped on an anchovy in my apartment but that's what happens when you behave badly in front of the help."
"Are you on Drugs?" I reply.
"Yes for my face I never should have done the Laser peel at the same time as my facelift I can't move my jaw have you ever tried eating Tuna Tartar through a straw?"
"Put it in a blender with a light Sauvignon Blanc, never a Chardonnay, which tends to foam when mixed with seafood in a high speed appliance, and set the dial to liquefy for 30 seconds" I reply, hoping she'll hang up on me.
"Stop making fun of me everyone's making fun of me Courtney called from Arizona and said I must be in trouble and invited me to come out and stay with her."
"At where, Sierra Tucson?" which I understand she has confused with the "Canyon Ranch."
"No, Patrick, she donates her time and money to a youth hospice near her family's ranch and hasn't done anything since she and Tim Bryce broke off their engagement after her thing with Luis and I heard David Van Patten was turned down by CAA because he wasn't good-looking enough to work there and he didn't quite get the Lichtenstein in the lobby anyway and I am looking at the most beautiful flowers from Robert Isabell but I can't find the card oh here it is thank you Corrado."
"It says: 'Don't worry my darling, you will be more beautiful than ever, Love Oscar.' I wonder which Oscar, De La Renta or De La Hoya?"
I answer "Maybe Oscar Meyer."
"Who's Oscar Meyer?" she asks as I hang up the phone.
Virtually yours,
Patrick Bateman