This specific issue is one, I must admit, that I don't know as much about as I'd like and probably should... nonetheless, let me offer a few words of comfort on a more general scale.
First year out of college was the most stressful time of my whole life. It was everything that Rob just said ("gut-wrenchingly and cry-at-nightingly hard") -- and not because of WHERE I was, but just because it was what it was. Set aside the intense separation anxiety involved in leaving college for the Real World -- it just felt like nothing I was doing was enough. I kept making choices -- to some extent, I continue to do so -- that were very impulsive, based only on some vague hope that THIS time, THIS way, I'd get it right. I wanted so badly to be making a difference NOW -- to Know My Place and strive to fulfill it. But I've moved about 5 times in 2 years, pursuing a series of pipe dreams and awful jobs that have made me cry on a nightly basis.
Small consolation as this may be, just know that this is the way EVERYONE feels for a while after leaving school. Don't attach a sense of personal failure or impotence to it -- you have to believe, even blindly, that you're not just a random cog -- you too are working towards some specific and important purpose, although you may not know what that purpose is for some time to come. I know, I'm a fucking hippie -- but I really believe that.
I don't believe I'm a random cog, quite. I just believe I'm seeing someone be passionate about an issue that, theoretically, I should be quite invested in but am not. The whole not-knowing-one's-place thing is however quite a problem, and I'm relying naively on time to help me work it out. But yes! Good to know that aimlessness is our universal post-collegiate creed, and watching The Gradualte, well, after graduating, helped with that. No fears, keep rocking, and I imagine I will see you come reunions...
Yes! I just saw "The Graduate" on TV the other night, and I was like -- uh, YEAH, exactly! This is so familiar! Well, except for the whole seduction by a fifty-year-old alcoholic thing. But yeah. Rock.
First year out of college was the most stressful time of my whole life. It was everything that Rob just said ("gut-wrenchingly and cry-at-nightingly hard") -- and not because of WHERE I was, but just because it was what it was. Set aside the intense separation anxiety involved in leaving college for the Real World -- it just felt like nothing I was doing was enough. I kept making choices -- to some extent, I continue to do so -- that were very impulsive, based only on some vague hope that THIS time, THIS way, I'd get it right. I wanted so badly to be making a difference NOW -- to Know My Place and strive to fulfill it. But I've moved about 5 times in 2 years, pursuing a series of pipe dreams and awful jobs that have made me cry on a nightly basis.
Small consolation as this may be, just know that this is the way EVERYONE feels for a while after leaving school. Don't attach a sense of personal failure or impotence to it -- you have to believe, even blindly, that you're not just a random cog -- you too are working towards some specific and important purpose, although you may not know what that purpose is for some time to come. I know, I'm a fucking hippie -- but I really believe that.
Eyes to the bright side, Pete-Peter!
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