Best Friends - Worst Enemies
I had totally forgotten about my livejournal. I'm going to try and begin updating this regularly. Don't know who I'm talking to seeing as know one reads this but myself...I digress.
I thought when I left high school I left behind the bizarre gossip mongering that came with it. See, here's the sitch - a person who means the world to me. Well he may hate me. His ex told him some things I have vented to her in a hurt rage. Now she is angry at him and instead of her using any real argument she just brought up what I had told her in private. I had agreed to keep it a secret true, but I had to tell someone - I chose the wrong person..I thought she was trustworthy and I was wrong.
Now he no longer trusts anything I say. He also thinks that I am trying to sabotage his new relationship.. I do talk to this girl, and he is brought up, but anything I told her was to allow her to enter the relationship with a game plan for dealing with him. I do not want to stop them from getting together. Just...if I had let her go in blind I couldn't ever respect myself again...and now he's mad at me and I feel I betrayed him...and I don't think I'll ever respect myself again anyways. This really was lose lose situation.
I would do anything to prove that what I did I did with good intent, but I can't prove anything. If he hates me- then he hates me and I just have to accept that. I'll find someway to punish myself for the betrayal and perhaps the universe will allow me to make amends. You'll never see this message but I am sorry. If death weren't so permanent I would kill myself to show my remorse and loyalty, but death is no option- at least not a decent option.
I thought when I left high school I left behind the bizarre gossip mongering that came with it. See, here's the sitch - a person who means the world to me. Well he may hate me. His ex told him some things I have vented to her in a hurt rage. Now she is angry at him and instead of her using any real argument she just brought up what I had told her in private. I had agreed to keep it a secret true, but I had to tell someone - I chose the wrong person..I thought she was trustworthy and I was wrong.
Now he no longer trusts anything I say. He also thinks that I am trying to sabotage his new relationship.. I do talk to this girl, and he is brought up, but anything I told her was to allow her to enter the relationship with a game plan for dealing with him. I do not want to stop them from getting together. Just...if I had let her go in blind I couldn't ever respect myself again...and now he's mad at me and I feel I betrayed him...and I don't think I'll ever respect myself again anyways. This really was lose lose situation.
I would do anything to prove that what I did I did with good intent, but I can't prove anything. If he hates me- then he hates me and I just have to accept that. I'll find someway to punish myself for the betrayal and perhaps the universe will allow me to make amends. You'll never see this message but I am sorry. If death weren't so permanent I would kill myself to show my remorse and loyalty, but death is no option- at least not a decent option.