In The Headlines......
- In California, the Governator signed a bill that has banned the citizens of California from having sex with corpses. Yep. I guess when they made the law that states that it's illegal to harpoon whales from the a car on marked city highways, they must have overlooked the fact that they haven't made FUCKING DEAD PEOPLE ILLEGAL YET!!!
- Ralph Nader is pulled off yet another state ballot. Florida has take him off after the Florida state Democratic party filed a law suit stating that the Reform party wasn't a legit party. Common knowledge would dictate that they are worried that Nader is going to suck votes away from Kerry. That's really kinda sad when you think about it. I mean, if I were Kerry, I would be a little upset by the fact that he has to worry about voters choosing a NON-LEGIT canidate over him. Whatever. Less confusion for the old folks in November, I guess....that's if Florida is still a state come election day. They can't seem to dodge these hurricanes. Sorry, Ralphy. You don't want to be president, anyway. You'll shoot your eye out.
- Johnny Ramone is dead at 55. He died of cancer on Wednesday, joining the "Pine Box derby" with fellow band mates Joey Ramone and Dee Dee Ramone. Geez. That band is cursed. The drummer is the only one left. Way to beat the odds, buddy.
- Alabama and Mississippi is about to get their asses handed to them by the hands (and eye) or hurricane Ivan. 145 mph winds. Fuck. That sucks. Run Forrest, run!
- London can't seem to get it's security shit together. In the past week, a guy dressed as Batman climbed the walls of Buckinham Palace without incident and a group of fox hunting nut jobs stormed into the Floor of Commons to protest the ban of the sport. Where the fuck are the damn security guards? Is the Commons in the back freezer of a McDonald's or something?
A List Of Stuff That Is Annoying Me Enough To Write About It.....
- The GAP commercial with Lenny Kravitz and Sarah Jessica Parker. Lenny: Prince called. He says he's happy that you liked "Graffiti Bridge", but you are wearing out the DECADE OLD look that he dropped years ago because it was way too gay. Sarah: Bitch, you can't dance. And eat something. You're too boney. And gross.
- Guys wearing scarves in the summer. Enough said.
- Fox and UPN putting every show on 5 days a week.
- Carb counting. Just take a fucking walk every now and then people. Carbs taste good. They can be worked off. Eat them. Eat a potato sandwich on thick wheat bread and be proud of it. Then work it off. It's worked in the past, and it'll work for ya now. Look at Subway's Jared. That nerdy bastard ate nothing but subs for however long and he lost a ton of weight. And you know what, he ate that bread.
- People and their fucking cell phones on the highway. Are you the person saying, "Yeah. Everyone but me can't talk on the phone and drive well." Guess what? You're fucking wrong. You can't do both. It's not really expected of you. That's why they invented the ear piece system. Use them. Otherwise, is that call REALLY that important? And if it is, PULL THE FUCK OVER, asshole.
- American reporters and television journalists who claim that they are unbiased in their reporting. Bullshit. Bill O'Riely claims that he isn't biased or right winged. Come on, dude. You stop short of actually giving wedgies to the Democratic reps that you interview. And Dan Rather. If you can't really prove that those papers AREN'T false, then maybe you should just say that you fucked up and had a bad source. No shame in it. But it makes you look like you should be writing for the New York Times. You can still be a journalist and be biased towards one party. For some, that's their niche. Go with it. But don't bullshit the public.
- Anti-smoking commercials. Most of them are endorsed by the tobacco companies (as part of an agreement after a class action law suit). Not only are they lame and state the obvious, but they do nothing but remind me of smoking. I actually have to light up after I see these fucking things. I didn't need one until you said it, assholes. Thanks.
Okay. That's the heavy seven. Not too much going on in Billville. Because of all of the hurricane bullshit going on down south, the weather here in Chicago is messed up. It's either REALLY hot and humid or it's raining and chilly. But lets face it: in Chicago, if you look at your dog wrong, the temperature will change by 10 degrees. So I can't really blame it on Ivan. Work sucks. Half days most of the week because of suppliers fucking up every order I place. Thanks, dicks.
That's all for now. Hope you are all doin' well. Til next time.......
~The Bill out~