requiem of a former self
Do you ever wonder about where you are going...
what you are gravitating towards; what you are gravitating away from?
Whether it is the right thing or not.
You know deep down what you love and need, and yet you oftentimes find yourself not needing those things.
And yet, at the same time, this other side of you that has always been there comes out and is much more viable and correct?
And this more accurate side of you--it absorbs you. You forget about everything else. Not completely forget...you still reflect on it, but its not so great. Its not as surreal as the other side. Its nearly dull.
This surreal side--it's great. It's like...a new dimension. A new way of life. It's a different person. And it feels more right than ever, and you love that aspect of it.
Unfortunately, it makes you question the old side. The old side has always been so comfortable (or so you thought), so true, so steadfast. But does that mean its right?
I hate the changes that occur. They confuse the hell out of me. You pick one side, and your brain tells you otherwise. So you drift that way, and yet the same thing happens. Where do you go? Because I don't believe in happy mediums.
And yet I see the changes and sometimes embrace them not because they better me, but because they show me otherwise. Because they are the alternate me I have always avoided but knew I would have to come to terms with. I realize that these changes will shape me. And who fucking cares if it is positive, negative, neutral, harmful, defective, or anything at all! It is there; become it.
And I know I'm every cliche', but at least I'm aware of it. I can talk about it for hours and feel totally normal. The concept of normality does confuse me though. It's a fine line that I dare not walk. I stray near the line but dart away quickly.
It's not fear that consumes me; its the confidence that graces my mind every now and then.
what you are gravitating towards; what you are gravitating away from?
Whether it is the right thing or not.
You know deep down what you love and need, and yet you oftentimes find yourself not needing those things.
And yet, at the same time, this other side of you that has always been there comes out and is much more viable and correct?
And this more accurate side of you--it absorbs you. You forget about everything else. Not completely forget...you still reflect on it, but its not so great. Its not as surreal as the other side. Its nearly dull.
This surreal side--it's great. It's like...a new dimension. A new way of life. It's a different person. And it feels more right than ever, and you love that aspect of it.
Unfortunately, it makes you question the old side. The old side has always been so comfortable (or so you thought), so true, so steadfast. But does that mean its right?
I hate the changes that occur. They confuse the hell out of me. You pick one side, and your brain tells you otherwise. So you drift that way, and yet the same thing happens. Where do you go? Because I don't believe in happy mediums.
And yet I see the changes and sometimes embrace them not because they better me, but because they show me otherwise. Because they are the alternate me I have always avoided but knew I would have to come to terms with. I realize that these changes will shape me. And who fucking cares if it is positive, negative, neutral, harmful, defective, or anything at all! It is there; become it.
And I know I'm every cliche', but at least I'm aware of it. I can talk about it for hours and feel totally normal. The concept of normality does confuse me though. It's a fine line that I dare not walk. I stray near the line but dart away quickly.
It's not fear that consumes me; its the confidence that graces my mind every now and then.