Full Burn Out.
Well opera,
I know I've be astray from my blog for quite a bit of time, but I'm back now! So everything can go back to normal, you see? Anyway, things have been going on so let me explain.
I only have four classes this semester, two of which are studio art in photography and painting. Well finals week is in clear sight and I've had projects galore. But heres the thing. My photo and english teacher decided to fit in the final projects to be due this friday instead of the allotted time for finals next week. I guess they just want to be done with school as much as the next person, so I understand.
In photography, our final project was simple enough. We could choose any subject we wanted to shoot (portraits, landscapes, abstract, etc) and we had to end up with 10 prints, trimmed down and mounted to matte board. Past projects we've only had to shoot one roll of film so long as it was sufficient enough for whatever theme we were going with. There hasnt ever really been a requirement that we shoot 2 rolls for the final, but I figured if I shot 2 rolls with my last project, I should take the initiative to do the same for the final.
Since my photo class is M/W/F, and I usually work M/T/TH, I rarely have time to go in when there are open lab hours because there aren't any lab hours for M/W. So basically that leaves me with the hour I have after class on T/Th to print, mount or what have you before I race off to work. I have my prints all cut and spot toned, so the only thing left to do is to cut my matte board and dry mount the photos.
English isn't going to kill me, but it's going to take some effort. Our writing portfolio is due friday and the only assignment we have to add new to the folder is a letter to our teacher explaining strengths, weaknesses, and basically critiquing our own papers. The word requirement is only 600 words, so taking into account that I have so much material to work with, it shouldn't be too hard to do once I get to it tomorrow afternoon at work.
Then there are my dreaded T/Th classes. Intro to Financing, and Intro to Painting.
Financing has never been fun for me. Its hard for me to understand the material because I find myself dosing off every time we meet for class. This isn't always due to lack of sleep, however. My professor has a really deep, monotone voice so if I'm not slapping myself in the face every 5 minutes, my brain shuts down to the sound of him rambling on about stocks and bonds.
Anyway, so my financing final is next wednesday from 2-4pm. SO despite the fact that I've failed all the tests (2 count), I'm going to try my hardest to understand this crap and pass with a C. My attendance should help my cause. Every class we are required to bring in an article relating to the material and turn in a paragraph or so that explains it. Not hard at all and worth 3 points every time class meets. On top of that, we've had 2 "projects" (which are just packets we need to complete by a certain date). The first project I received an A, and this next project (due tomorrow) I feel somewhat confident about, even though I'm putting off finishing it right now to compose this blog. So I figure all these grades average a C+ right now.
Then there is painting *sigh*
Something happened this past Tuesday, which confirmed my suspicion that my teacher has is out for me. We were all asked to turn our easels around so they formed a circle. He explained how we are going to go through and practice critiquing (since about 1/2 the students in our class took it for fun and have no idea what a critique is). After bouncing around to different paintings, someone brings mine to attention. There were positive comments and some thought I could improve certain aspects. And I'm fine with these comments because, well, its not done yet -no ones is.
So then my teacher puts in his 2 cents and starts telling me I need to incorporate the characteristics which illustrate depth. I simply told him that I didn't have the paper for the criteria we were suppose to meet with our paintings, and light-heartedly added that it was still early and I wasn't able to get to it before our practice critique.
HE SNAPS. He tells me, and this is word for word, "Well I have a laundry list of problems that I don't bring to the classroom. You want to compare notes? I was up until 3am last night so...there shouldn't be any of that. This is the 14th week and its no excuse anymore." I responded meekly, "I didnt' mean to argue, I just don't have the paper.." And he cuts me off and says "I don't want to hear it."
I have never been so humiliated in my entire life.
Then as he goes around and talks about other things, he keeps throwing in "Did you get that, Erin?" At the end of his sentences. I couldn't believe how he was quite obviously trying to make me feel like I was lacking in understanding what was going on. So after an hour and 1/2 of referring back to me and making snide comments about my supposed attitude, he lets us loose to work on our paintings. I grabbed my purse and walked to the bathroom to try and calm myself down. I was infuriated, tired, and above all else, hormonal (I'll leave it at that).
I come out of the bathroom and take a look at some of the art thats on display from the seniors, and see him talking with someone in the hallway that leads back to the painting room. I start to walk in his direction, trying my hardest not to catch his attention. But wouldn't you know, he walks right up to me and confronts me in an apologetic way.
He asks if I'm doing okay, because these last couple weeks I've been "distracted." Given this was the absolute worst timing on his part, I can't help but burst into tears. He starts into this whole apology and tells me to not worry about it, that he realized he kind of came down hard on me, and was going to make me a copy of the paper, and to just work on my painting when I can. Between my hyperventilating weeps, I manage to tell him that I've just had a lot going on.
Needless to say I just got my stuff and left because there was no way I could get that pre-crying lump out of my throat. That and there was no way I could work on my painting now that I was angry, crying, and depressed all at the same time. Some of the kids in class caught a glimpse of me crying as I got my stuff to leave and it just made me more upset. I went home and called Dan and just vented about what went on. I felt terrible. I just couldn't stop crying. I guess it was stupid hormones because I'm usually not one who is outwardly emotional like that. Lucky for me, tomorrow is our last class before our final next Tuesday. I just hope he doesn't say anything tomorrow, because I don't know if I can take it.
And here's the bigger picture. It's an intro class. I havn't had any experience in painting until the first day of intro to painting, therefore I'm not going to be as advanced as the students in there who have taken painting in high school. He needs to realize that not everyone has the same abilities and no matter how much you talk down to them, you cant force them to get better.
And like I really needed this guy to put me in a state the last week of class when everything is falling in on me. Geh.
I know I've be astray from my blog for quite a bit of time, but I'm back now! So everything can go back to normal, you see? Anyway, things have been going on so let me explain.
I only have four classes this semester, two of which are studio art in photography and painting. Well finals week is in clear sight and I've had projects galore. But heres the thing. My photo and english teacher decided to fit in the final projects to be due this friday instead of the allotted time for finals next week. I guess they just want to be done with school as much as the next person, so I understand.
In photography, our final project was simple enough. We could choose any subject we wanted to shoot (portraits, landscapes, abstract, etc) and we had to end up with 10 prints, trimmed down and mounted to matte board. Past projects we've only had to shoot one roll of film so long as it was sufficient enough for whatever theme we were going with. There hasnt ever really been a requirement that we shoot 2 rolls for the final, but I figured if I shot 2 rolls with my last project, I should take the initiative to do the same for the final.
Since my photo class is M/W/F, and I usually work M/T/TH, I rarely have time to go in when there are open lab hours because there aren't any lab hours for M/W. So basically that leaves me with the hour I have after class on T/Th to print, mount or what have you before I race off to work. I have my prints all cut and spot toned, so the only thing left to do is to cut my matte board and dry mount the photos.
English isn't going to kill me, but it's going to take some effort. Our writing portfolio is due friday and the only assignment we have to add new to the folder is a letter to our teacher explaining strengths, weaknesses, and basically critiquing our own papers. The word requirement is only 600 words, so taking into account that I have so much material to work with, it shouldn't be too hard to do once I get to it tomorrow afternoon at work.
Then there are my dreaded T/Th classes. Intro to Financing, and Intro to Painting.
Financing has never been fun for me. Its hard for me to understand the material because I find myself dosing off every time we meet for class. This isn't always due to lack of sleep, however. My professor has a really deep, monotone voice so if I'm not slapping myself in the face every 5 minutes, my brain shuts down to the sound of him rambling on about stocks and bonds.
Anyway, so my financing final is next wednesday from 2-4pm. SO despite the fact that I've failed all the tests (2 count), I'm going to try my hardest to understand this crap and pass with a C. My attendance should help my cause. Every class we are required to bring in an article relating to the material and turn in a paragraph or so that explains it. Not hard at all and worth 3 points every time class meets. On top of that, we've had 2 "projects" (which are just packets we need to complete by a certain date). The first project I received an A, and this next project (due tomorrow) I feel somewhat confident about, even though I'm putting off finishing it right now to compose this blog. So I figure all these grades average a C+ right now.
Then there is painting *sigh*
Something happened this past Tuesday, which confirmed my suspicion that my teacher has is out for me. We were all asked to turn our easels around so they formed a circle. He explained how we are going to go through and practice critiquing (since about 1/2 the students in our class took it for fun and have no idea what a critique is). After bouncing around to different paintings, someone brings mine to attention. There were positive comments and some thought I could improve certain aspects. And I'm fine with these comments because, well, its not done yet -no ones is.
So then my teacher puts in his 2 cents and starts telling me I need to incorporate the characteristics which illustrate depth. I simply told him that I didn't have the paper for the criteria we were suppose to meet with our paintings, and light-heartedly added that it was still early and I wasn't able to get to it before our practice critique.
HE SNAPS. He tells me, and this is word for word, "Well I have a laundry list of problems that I don't bring to the classroom. You want to compare notes? I was up until 3am last night so...there shouldn't be any of that. This is the 14th week and its no excuse anymore." I responded meekly, "I didnt' mean to argue, I just don't have the paper.." And he cuts me off and says "I don't want to hear it."
I have never been so humiliated in my entire life.
Then as he goes around and talks about other things, he keeps throwing in "Did you get that, Erin?" At the end of his sentences. I couldn't believe how he was quite obviously trying to make me feel like I was lacking in understanding what was going on. So after an hour and 1/2 of referring back to me and making snide comments about my supposed attitude, he lets us loose to work on our paintings. I grabbed my purse and walked to the bathroom to try and calm myself down. I was infuriated, tired, and above all else, hormonal (I'll leave it at that).
I come out of the bathroom and take a look at some of the art thats on display from the seniors, and see him talking with someone in the hallway that leads back to the painting room. I start to walk in his direction, trying my hardest not to catch his attention. But wouldn't you know, he walks right up to me and confronts me in an apologetic way.
He asks if I'm doing okay, because these last couple weeks I've been "distracted." Given this was the absolute worst timing on his part, I can't help but burst into tears. He starts into this whole apology and tells me to not worry about it, that he realized he kind of came down hard on me, and was going to make me a copy of the paper, and to just work on my painting when I can. Between my hyperventilating weeps, I manage to tell him that I've just had a lot going on.
Needless to say I just got my stuff and left because there was no way I could get that pre-crying lump out of my throat. That and there was no way I could work on my painting now that I was angry, crying, and depressed all at the same time. Some of the kids in class caught a glimpse of me crying as I got my stuff to leave and it just made me more upset. I went home and called Dan and just vented about what went on. I felt terrible. I just couldn't stop crying. I guess it was stupid hormones because I'm usually not one who is outwardly emotional like that. Lucky for me, tomorrow is our last class before our final next Tuesday. I just hope he doesn't say anything tomorrow, because I don't know if I can take it.
And here's the bigger picture. It's an intro class. I havn't had any experience in painting until the first day of intro to painting, therefore I'm not going to be as advanced as the students in there who have taken painting in high school. He needs to realize that not everyone has the same abilities and no matter how much you talk down to them, you cant force them to get better.
And like I really needed this guy to put me in a state the last week of class when everything is falling in on me. Geh.