FIC: "Willowed Heart" (Kyou Kara Maou!) Part 1 (III) (concluded)
And this is the third and final bit of Part 1, "Strive Against Hope", of my KKM fic, "Willowed Heart". (no wonder it's taking me so long - even I had no idea how epic this story was turning out to be ...)
I've had quite a rough time of posting this afternoon, encountering many, many (incredibly) frustrating LJ difficulties. (it's taken me literally hours - and I'm exhausted now. And does anyone know why the text keeps coming out bolded again and again no matter how much I went back to edit and change that? Weird! Or why it sometimes won't even let me get into the Edit Entry window??? Gah!)
I apologize for the wonky formatting and the doubled LJ Cut taglines which I don't know how to fix any more. (I've tried again and again, and started all over again multiple times! I give up! Grrrr!) Still, I hope you enjoy the finale of this first Part of the story! (and I can be as stubborn as certain KKM characters when it comes to these sorts of things! *grin*) Cheers!
- Worn Out Wolf ;-)
Title: "Willowed Heart" (Part 1 concluded - segment III)
Author: Paxwolf
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou!
Rating: PG
Warnings: Violence, Shounen-ai Themes, Shakespearean references, Much Unrequitedness herein.
Pairings: (or more accurately, hints of pairings:) UNREQUITED Josak/Conrad, Conrad/Julia, Conrad/Yuri & Yuri/Conrad, (if that makes sense), Wolfram/Yuri, and tiny touch of Wolfram/Conrad. (Conwolf)
Disclaimer: I do not own KKM or its lovely, lovely cast of characters, just the few OC's, I suppose. KKM has been created and is owned by the ever-talented Tomo Takabayashi.
Summary: A deadly conspiracy plot against the Maou and his top advisors is uncovered by Gwendal's network of spies, so Josak and his Taichou set out to infiltrate the ring, bring it down, and save the day. (all amidst much personal angst, naturally!)
A.N.: Please see my preface and introductory notes at the beginning of Part 1(I, first segment)! Happy Birthday again, DaMo! :-)
"Willowed Heart"
By Paxwolf
Part 1: (concluded)
"Strive Against Hope"
"I know I love in vain,
strive against hope;
Yet in this captious and intenible sieve
I still pour in the waters of my love
And lack not to lose still."
- All's Well That Ends Well
III.
Conrart stood stock still, and blinked, eyes wide for a moment. Then he was shaking his head and speaking over Yuri's protests.
"You cannot, Heika. You are needed here, and this venture could be far too dangerous ..."
"I'm coming, and you can't stop me!" Yuri said stubbornly. "It'll only take me seconds to saddle Ao. I won't slow you down. And I can help you!"
Conrart's eyes were a curious mixture of soft and hard as he looked at his king. "You cannot," he repeated, his voice firm, but gentle. "Your place is here, Heika."
"And so is yours!" countered Yuri, furiously, his hands balled into fists.
"Heika ..."
"Do you take me for an idiot?" Yuri shouted, uncaring that the gate's guards were watching the little party down in the courtyard with increasing interest. Josak grimaced. He'd have to have a word with them later ... "Do you think I can't see why you're going, the two of you?"
That stopped Conrart, and he gazed at Yuri, a fine line creasing between his brows. "I don't ..."
"You and Josak are going because you share the blood of both peoples," Yuri said, so fast that Josak wasn't sure he heard him right. "You are both half-Mazoku, and half-human. And you're going into a potentially deadly situation in human country because of that fact. Aren't you?"
For several seconds, there was no movement in the courtyard, as Yuri and Conrart stared at each other, Yuri's chest heaving, and Conrart as still as a statue.
Well, whaddaya know, Josak thought bemusedly. The kiddo's deduced the facts of the matter. Clever.
"So," Yuri was now saying, as if striving for his earlier control. "That being the case, I ought to accompany you." He tossed another defiant look that was mixed with something undefinable at Conrart. "After all, in case you've forgotten, I'm a half-breed too."
Conrart gave a visible start at that, and Josak was sure he caught a flash of blond hair move suddenly from within the shadows.
Well, the kiddo's not pulling any punches today, is he?
Conrart was looking at Yuri's determined face, his own mouth turned down slightly at the corners as he regarded him wordlessly. Then he shook his head, and the depth of ... something in his eyes seemed to feather away again. "Please don't call yourself that, Heika," he said sadly, and didn't notice the odd look that Josak shot him as he lifted his head.
But this seemed to only rouse more of Yuri's passion, for he planted himself directly in Conrart's face. "Aren't things better now?" he cried, waving a hand behind him to indicate the castle, and Shin Makoku in general. "Aren't all my efforts making a difference for you ... for those like you?"
Conrart was startled, and visibly swallowed hard. "Of course they are, Heika. You have ... you have no idea. No idea what it was like ..."
Tears had started to slip down Yuri's red cheeks, as he stepped forward again, helplessly, latching onto Conrart's forearm with one white-knuckled hand. "Yes, yes, I do! I know! I saw how you were treated! I watched when you and your division of loyal half-blood and human soldiers were leaving for that battle ...!"
With a sudden gasp, Yuri cut himself off, a horrified expression on his face as he stared at Conrart, who had frozen at the words.
"I ... I mean ..."
"How could you have possibly have seen that, Yuri?" Conrart asked softly, a deep frown marring his fine features. Josak could see his hands trembling at his sides, and the one not restrained by Yuri had unconsciously gripped the hilt of his sword tightly.
Yuri licked his lips. "I ... I heard someone talking about it. Günter told me ... some of it, and ... and Giesela ... and ... and I read ..."
Conrart's gaze was troubled, and puzzled, and slightly suspicious. Josak pursed his lips and cocked his head. There was only one way that Yuri could possible have seen the events of that time, and from the stories he had heard from a couple years back, he wondered if the rumour had been true. He wouldn't have minded finding out.
After a seeming eternity, where everything was still except for the freshening night breeze, and neither Yuri nor Conrart said anything, (nor Josak either, but he supposed that in this tableau he didn't really count) Conrart appeared to waver in his resolve.
"Yuri ..." He stopped himself, and then seemed to gather strength and after a moment, opened his mouth again. Yuri forestalled him by speaking again.
"Look, Conrad. I'm coming along, and that's final."
For a second, Conrart looked torn. "This is no fun expedition into town in search of a stolen Demon Gem, Heika. This is a very serious affair."
"I realize that. It's one that you are putting yourself into danger for." Yuri's hand clenched tightly on Conrart's forearm. "And I'm coming. Even if it's just to keep you safe."
Both Conrart and Josak raised an eyebrow at that.
"Heika, I assure you that I can keep myself perfectly safe." He lifted his head and then looked a little more sternly at Yuri. "And in fact, I can do a far better job of that than if I had to also watch out for you."
And that was a very telling argument, Josak knew. He saw Yuri hesitate for the first time. Then he seemed to gather himself up, and faced Conrart again. "I can use maryoku in human territory. You know that. It could come in handy." He lifted his chin. "You're taking me with you."
"I cannot." Conrart's voice was flat this time, and so were his eyes.
Yuri shook his head, and practically bursting at the seams in his obstinance and his obvious belief. "You don't have a say in it, my Lord Weller. I'm the Maou and I am commanding this of you."
That brought Conrart up short for a moment, and Josak could see that the sharp-edged, bold statement had dug in deep, and shaken him.
Well, well, he marvelled. It's not too often that the kiddo pulls rank!
But after a few seconds where Conrart recovered from his slight shock and gave Yuri that wounded look of his that somewhow conveyed disappointment - and oh, how Josak hated that look - before he shook his head and stepped back, smoothly disengaging his arm from Yuri's hold. "You are indeed the Maou," he agreed with another short bow, his tone almost pleasant. "And my leige. But that still does not mean that you are accompanying us."
Yuri stared, and then his brows lowered. He appeared to be thinking furiously. "A team sticks together," he tried, "through thick and thin. And you have more chances of striking your opponents out when you coordinate the play, and watch each other's backs. Especially when it's not a home game and you don't have the advantage."
Conrart smiled, and his gaze was kind. "That may be true. But this is not a game, Yuri," he said evenly. "Nor even a battery."
Yuri bit his lip, and didn't break his gaze. "But you still need that trust between the two ..."
Conrart's eyes alighted. "Precisely."
Yuri grimaced, and blew out a breath of steam into the cooling air.
"I'm coming." Yuri was stubborn.
"No." Conrart was resolute.
It was like watching two storm fronts colliding with the other.
Sharp-edged lightning and raging thunder were the inevitable result as they stared fiercely at each other, neither willing to concede. The wind itself seemed to pick up in intensity as if in response, blowing their hair and Conrart's cloak about wildly.
Quite the free show here tonight, Josak observed with a smirk. And I've got the best seat in the house.
Yuri folded his arms in front of his black uniform and stared stolidly at Conrart, who did not advance, but did nothing to retreat either. He seemed to be determined to merely wait the young Maou out.
Well, isn't this getting fun.
Time ticked silently by, silent except for the cries of the rising wind.
Conrart finally sighed at the impasse, slow and deep, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders, and for the barest fraction of a second, Josak was sure he was going to cave. But he did not nod, nor agree to Yuri's demands in that soft resonant voice of his, or even turn and mount his horse in a flurry of denial.
Instead, as was perhaps typical, he did the unexpected.
He stood ramrod straight for an instant, and then quite suddenly was slowly sinking down to one knee, until he knelt in the dirt of the courtyard at Yuri's feet, head bowed.
Yuri looked down at him in astonishment.
Josak couldn't help staring a little himself.
"C-Conrad?"
"Yuri," Conrart intoned in the softest of voices, and did not raise his head. "I have never truly thanked you properly for what you have done for me ... and for those like me. You have little idea of just how much has changed in not only Shin Makoku, but in this entire world since your arrival here. You cannot possibly know." His head and his voice lowered further. "I ... thank you, Heika. With all that I am, I offer my deepest gratitude." He fell silent for a moment, and Josak could see his shoulders shake minutely as he fought for control. "I have so long wanted ..." He stopped. "Words can do no justice to how thankful I truly am." He paused, and Yuri just stood there, mouth agape, and midnight eyes wide and flickering in the torchlight. "I have already offered you my fealty and my life, Heika, for now, and for all of my days. But beyond this oath, I swear to you that anything you ask of me, I will give. I will always put your interests first and foremost in my duty, and in my heart." Josak caught his breath. It was extraordinarily rare for Conrart to express such deep-seated feelings so ... so verbally like this. Yuri seemed to realize this as well, and his expression of shock had not faded, only changed. "My arms, my life, and my heart are all yours, Yuri. And I swear to you that I am yours. Always, until the very end of time." Yuri swallowed hard and couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from the man kneeling before him. Neither, Josak found, could he.
He could see that Yuri was shaking slightly, and he reached slowly forward to touch Conrart's brown hair with trembling fingers. As if in response to the touch, Conrart looked up, and met Yuri's gaze and held it, unspeaking, for an endless moment.
"Conrad ..."
And then Conrart's jaw tightened, and he finished. "But I will not do anything to endanger your person, Heika, not if it is possibly in my power to prevent it. This is not a mission on which you could do any good. You asked me once to trust you, and I do. With all that I have, with my very being. But I ask you now, to trust me." His voice changed in pitch, and his eyes darkened. "Trust me to carry out my duty, and your command, and your vision, Heika. To the very best of my ability I will do so." He paused again, and his gaze was very intense. "Please, Heika," he said softly. "Trust me." And as if he himself could not endure the intensity of their locked gazes any longer, he dropped his head again, and when his voice sounded out again it was as the barest of whispers. "Let me go."
There was a ringing silence in the courtyard, with only the rising wind blowing the flames of the torches with a roaring hush and the rustling of hair and cloaks to break the spell. Josak found that he was holding his breath.
Yuri's face was unreadable in that moment, and that too was a rare thing, as unusual and nearly as shocking as Conrart's deep-seated revelations of the heart.
Then in a low voice, Yuri finally spoke.
"I can't."
Conrart raised his eyes again at that, his expression one of surprise, anguish, and strangely, fear, all at once. Yuri let his hand fall from Conrart's hair, and looked away into the darkness. He no longer looked determined, but defeated. His words were soft, and weighted beyond telling. "I can't ever let you go."
Josak watched Conrart's throat move. "Yuri ..."
Yuri drew in a deep breath and then turned back to face him. "But I do trust you, Conrad. With everything in my being."
Conrart blinked. Yuri gazed down at him for a moment and then, mouth tight, he whirled on his heel and stalked away into the middle of the courtyard. He stopped, back stiff, facing away from them.
Large, cold raindrops began to fall in a scattering wave in the wind, and the sound of Conrart's sword clanking lightly in its scabbard as he slowly rose to his feet and straightened to his full height was the only noise to be heard above the keening wind. Josak looked down at him, mesmerized with how the wind-torn flickers of firelight cast strange patterns of light and shadow across his face.
Shinou, this is ...
Conrart still did not move, watching Yuri's back with a myriad of things Josak could only guess at chasing the shadows in his eyes along with the reflection of the guttering torches.
Yuri finally huffed out a breath, though he did not turn back around, refusing to look anymore at Conrart, his arms hugged tightly around himself. His anger and disappointment were evident, but there was something else there as well, of that Josak was sure. Something deep and indefinable. Something changed.
"Well?" Yuri now demanded, his voice somehow terribly loud and yet incredibly small at the same time. "Are you going to ride out the storm?" He paused. "Get going, why don't you."
Josak winced. He chanced a look back down at Conrart, whose face bore traces of such deep sadness that Josak sucked in a breath again at the sight. Then he thought he must have imagined it for the next instant there was nothing but a blank mask, the fine features set as stone.
"Wolfram," Conrart called out, although his gaze did not lift from Yuri's unyielding back. Josak hid a grin at that; not much could get past his Taichou!
He saw the edge of a blue sleeve jerk slightly in the shadows, and after a moment, Wolfram himself appeared, boldly stepping into the courtyard proper as if he'd always meant to stride through that way, although Josak could see his eyes glittering and his conflicted expression, no matter how he tried to assume an air of slight scorn.
"Would you please escort his Majesty back to the castle, Wolfram," Conrart said quietly, his eyes not leaving Yuri's stiff silhouette. "Please ensure that he gets dry and warm, if you would."
Josak knew that Wolfram would hear the unspoken request underlying the words. Please keep him safe. He wondered if Wolfram realized that Conrart was essentially giving Yuri over to his care.
For his part, Wolfram eyed Conrart for an instant and opened his mouth, but then hesitated, his gaze turning towards where Yuri stood immobile. After a moment, he nodded solemnly. "I'll see to it that the wimp won't catch cold." Josak was certain that wasn't what he had been about to say. And then Wolfram's green eyes turned back to Conrart, almost accusingly, and Josak could practically hear the "And who will make sure you don't get sick too, you stubborn idiot?" Of course, Josak may have been biased with that speculation by his own thoughts, as the rain increased its tempo and force into a true downpour and the gusting wind turned downright bitter. He turned up the hood of his own cloak, and watched as Conrart did nothing to protect his own head from the elements.
Conrart, Conrart ... he sighed to himself. The more things change ...
The rapidly-being-soaked-to-the-skin stubborn man in question now reluctantly tore his gaze from the silent Maou to meet Wolfram's direct gaze, and allowed a brief smile to lighten his grim features. "Thank you." Wolfram held his tongue with obvious effort and gave a dismissive little shrug. But Josak noticed how his eyes turned immediately back to Conrart when he looked at Wolfram searchingly for a moment, his brown eyes curiously gentle. "And please inform Gwendal of our departure, if it's not too much trouble."
Wolfram shrugged again as if it didn't matter to him one way or the other. "It's not."
Conrart gave a slight nod, and his smile faded slightly. "My thanks, Wolfram."
Wolfram opened his mouth and then closed it again.
Conrart cast another look at Yuri, who still refused to turn around and look at him or speak anything further, and for an instant the soldier's eyes were unguarded, sad and weary. Then he abruptly turned in one swift movement, and strode resolutely back to his horse, whom he mounted with his usual deliberate grace, even though Josak could easily see the knotted muscles in his exposed neck, slick with rainwater.
He did not glance back again.
"Let's go, Josak."
For all of Conrart's stern and unyielding exterior and for all of Yuri's silence, very little could be more plain in the darkness of that courtyard, Josak reflected.
He sighed, and gathered his own reins as Conrart wheeled his horse about and headed for the gate amidst a clattering of hooves on cobblestones.
The kiddo's upset, and the captain's upset, and even Wolfram's not happy, and could there ever be a more auspicious departure for a mission than this?
He winced at his own thoughts as the memory of another fateful departure loomed in his mind's eye for a heart-stopping moment, and cerulean petals rained down in his memory instead of droplets of water.
He shivered, and spurred his horse on.
Forget I just thought that.
Conrart was nearly under the porticullis when a young voice rang out.
"Conrart!"
Josak saw Conrart rein in his horse slightly, although he did not turn back around. Josak did though, to see Wolfram stepping forward, his eyes ablaze as he focussed on his brother, though he stood even more stiffly than Yuri.
"You'd better make sure you come back in one piece, Lord Weller!" Wolfram now shouted, voice fierce and higher than the moaning wind.
Josak could see Conrart hesitate before his mouth softened for an instant and his head tipped forward in a short nod, and then in a flurry of hooves and windswept cloak, he was gone.
Josak slowed his horse down and looked back over his shoulder at Wolfram. "Awww, that was sweet, Lord von Bielefeld," he couldn't help but tease. "Are you all worried about your ..."
"Shut up!" Wolfram yelled, though his face had flushed red again. "I ... I just won't stand for my fiancé to be unduly distressed. That's all!"
"Of course. But don't you fret, Kakka ... my offer still stands."
Wolfram blew out a breath in annoyed indignation, and then swiped the rain-plastered hair out of his eyes, and Josak could see what he really felt behind them. He smiled. Then he glanced over at Yuri, who, to his surprise, had finally turned around to stare despairingly out the empty gate into the storm-tossed night. His expression was no longer stony or set, and his eyes found Josak's, and it seemed for a moment that the entire world was visible in his dark and anguished gaze.
And the message in them to Josak was crystal clear.
Take care of him, Josak. Please. Bring him home.
And Josak knew his own response was equally clear as he nodded gravely, and met that pleading, heartfelt gaze with an assured one of his own. I always do.
And then he had turned his own horse into the wind and rode out, heading for parts wild and a destination uncertain. But one thing he knew was sure; wherever he went, no matter what danger awaited, no matter how far he travelled, it would be at Conrart's side. Always.
There was never any doubt about that.
---
"Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
And call upon my soul within the house;
Write loyal cantons of contemned love,
And sing them loud even in the dead of night;
Halloo your name to the reverberate hills,
And make the babbling gossip of the air
Cry out! O, you should not rest
Between the elements of air and earth
But you should pity me."
- Twelfth Night
A.N.: With regards to the title, in Shakespeare's time, willow trees were often used symbolically to represent unrequited love.
I've had quite a rough time of posting this afternoon, encountering many, many (incredibly) frustrating LJ difficulties. (it's taken me literally hours - and I'm exhausted now. And does anyone know why the text keeps coming out bolded again and again no matter how much I went back to edit and change that? Weird! Or why it sometimes won't even let me get into the Edit Entry window??? Gah!)
I apologize for the wonky formatting and the doubled LJ Cut taglines which I don't know how to fix any more. (I've tried again and again, and started all over again multiple times! I give up! Grrrr!) Still, I hope you enjoy the finale of this first Part of the story! (and I can be as stubborn as certain KKM characters when it comes to these sorts of things! *grin*) Cheers!
- Worn Out Wolf ;-)
Title: "Willowed Heart" (Part 1 concluded - segment III)
Author: Paxwolf
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou!
Rating: PG
Warnings: Violence, Shounen-ai Themes, Shakespearean references, Much Unrequitedness herein.
Pairings: (or more accurately, hints of pairings:) UNREQUITED Josak/Conrad, Conrad/Julia, Conrad/Yuri & Yuri/Conrad, (if that makes sense), Wolfram/Yuri, and tiny touch of Wolfram/Conrad. (Conwolf)
Disclaimer: I do not own KKM or its lovely, lovely cast of characters, just the few OC's, I suppose. KKM has been created and is owned by the ever-talented Tomo Takabayashi.
Summary: A deadly conspiracy plot against the Maou and his top advisors is uncovered by Gwendal's network of spies, so Josak and his Taichou set out to infiltrate the ring, bring it down, and save the day. (all amidst much personal angst, naturally!)
A.N.: Please see my preface and introductory notes at the beginning of Part 1(I, first segment)! Happy Birthday again, DaMo! :-)
"Willowed Heart"
By Paxwolf
Part 1: (concluded)
"Strive Against Hope"
"I know I love in vain,
strive against hope;
Yet in this captious and intenible sieve
I still pour in the waters of my love
And lack not to lose still."
- All's Well That Ends Well
III.
Conrart stood stock still, and blinked, eyes wide for a moment. Then he was shaking his head and speaking over Yuri's protests.
"You cannot, Heika. You are needed here, and this venture could be far too dangerous ..."
"I'm coming, and you can't stop me!" Yuri said stubbornly. "It'll only take me seconds to saddle Ao. I won't slow you down. And I can help you!"
Conrart's eyes were a curious mixture of soft and hard as he looked at his king. "You cannot," he repeated, his voice firm, but gentle. "Your place is here, Heika."
"And so is yours!" countered Yuri, furiously, his hands balled into fists.
"Heika ..."
"Do you take me for an idiot?" Yuri shouted, uncaring that the gate's guards were watching the little party down in the courtyard with increasing interest. Josak grimaced. He'd have to have a word with them later ... "Do you think I can't see why you're going, the two of you?"
That stopped Conrart, and he gazed at Yuri, a fine line creasing between his brows. "I don't ..."
"You and Josak are going because you share the blood of both peoples," Yuri said, so fast that Josak wasn't sure he heard him right. "You are both half-Mazoku, and half-human. And you're going into a potentially deadly situation in human country because of that fact. Aren't you?"
For several seconds, there was no movement in the courtyard, as Yuri and Conrart stared at each other, Yuri's chest heaving, and Conrart as still as a statue.
Well, whaddaya know, Josak thought bemusedly. The kiddo's deduced the facts of the matter. Clever.
"So," Yuri was now saying, as if striving for his earlier control. "That being the case, I ought to accompany you." He tossed another defiant look that was mixed with something undefinable at Conrart. "After all, in case you've forgotten, I'm a half-breed too."
Conrart gave a visible start at that, and Josak was sure he caught a flash of blond hair move suddenly from within the shadows.
Well, the kiddo's not pulling any punches today, is he?
Conrart was looking at Yuri's determined face, his own mouth turned down slightly at the corners as he regarded him wordlessly. Then he shook his head, and the depth of ... something in his eyes seemed to feather away again. "Please don't call yourself that, Heika," he said sadly, and didn't notice the odd look that Josak shot him as he lifted his head.
But this seemed to only rouse more of Yuri's passion, for he planted himself directly in Conrart's face. "Aren't things better now?" he cried, waving a hand behind him to indicate the castle, and Shin Makoku in general. "Aren't all my efforts making a difference for you ... for those like you?"
Conrart was startled, and visibly swallowed hard. "Of course they are, Heika. You have ... you have no idea. No idea what it was like ..."
Tears had started to slip down Yuri's red cheeks, as he stepped forward again, helplessly, latching onto Conrart's forearm with one white-knuckled hand. "Yes, yes, I do! I know! I saw how you were treated! I watched when you and your division of loyal half-blood and human soldiers were leaving for that battle ...!"
With a sudden gasp, Yuri cut himself off, a horrified expression on his face as he stared at Conrart, who had frozen at the words.
"I ... I mean ..."
"How could you have possibly have seen that, Yuri?" Conrart asked softly, a deep frown marring his fine features. Josak could see his hands trembling at his sides, and the one not restrained by Yuri had unconsciously gripped the hilt of his sword tightly.
Yuri licked his lips. "I ... I heard someone talking about it. Günter told me ... some of it, and ... and Giesela ... and ... and I read ..."
Conrart's gaze was troubled, and puzzled, and slightly suspicious. Josak pursed his lips and cocked his head. There was only one way that Yuri could possible have seen the events of that time, and from the stories he had heard from a couple years back, he wondered if the rumour had been true. He wouldn't have minded finding out.
After a seeming eternity, where everything was still except for the freshening night breeze, and neither Yuri nor Conrart said anything, (nor Josak either, but he supposed that in this tableau he didn't really count) Conrart appeared to waver in his resolve.
"Yuri ..." He stopped himself, and then seemed to gather strength and after a moment, opened his mouth again. Yuri forestalled him by speaking again.
"Look, Conrad. I'm coming along, and that's final."
For a second, Conrart looked torn. "This is no fun expedition into town in search of a stolen Demon Gem, Heika. This is a very serious affair."
"I realize that. It's one that you are putting yourself into danger for." Yuri's hand clenched tightly on Conrart's forearm. "And I'm coming. Even if it's just to keep you safe."
Both Conrart and Josak raised an eyebrow at that.
"Heika, I assure you that I can keep myself perfectly safe." He lifted his head and then looked a little more sternly at Yuri. "And in fact, I can do a far better job of that than if I had to also watch out for you."
And that was a very telling argument, Josak knew. He saw Yuri hesitate for the first time. Then he seemed to gather himself up, and faced Conrart again. "I can use maryoku in human territory. You know that. It could come in handy." He lifted his chin. "You're taking me with you."
"I cannot." Conrart's voice was flat this time, and so were his eyes.
Yuri shook his head, and practically bursting at the seams in his obstinance and his obvious belief. "You don't have a say in it, my Lord Weller. I'm the Maou and I am commanding this of you."
That brought Conrart up short for a moment, and Josak could see that the sharp-edged, bold statement had dug in deep, and shaken him.
Well, well, he marvelled. It's not too often that the kiddo pulls rank!
But after a few seconds where Conrart recovered from his slight shock and gave Yuri that wounded look of his that somewhow conveyed disappointment - and oh, how Josak hated that look - before he shook his head and stepped back, smoothly disengaging his arm from Yuri's hold. "You are indeed the Maou," he agreed with another short bow, his tone almost pleasant. "And my leige. But that still does not mean that you are accompanying us."
Yuri stared, and then his brows lowered. He appeared to be thinking furiously. "A team sticks together," he tried, "through thick and thin. And you have more chances of striking your opponents out when you coordinate the play, and watch each other's backs. Especially when it's not a home game and you don't have the advantage."
Conrart smiled, and his gaze was kind. "That may be true. But this is not a game, Yuri," he said evenly. "Nor even a battery."
Yuri bit his lip, and didn't break his gaze. "But you still need that trust between the two ..."
Conrart's eyes alighted. "Precisely."
Yuri grimaced, and blew out a breath of steam into the cooling air.
"I'm coming." Yuri was stubborn.
"No." Conrart was resolute.
It was like watching two storm fronts colliding with the other.
Sharp-edged lightning and raging thunder were the inevitable result as they stared fiercely at each other, neither willing to concede. The wind itself seemed to pick up in intensity as if in response, blowing their hair and Conrart's cloak about wildly.
Quite the free show here tonight, Josak observed with a smirk. And I've got the best seat in the house.
Yuri folded his arms in front of his black uniform and stared stolidly at Conrart, who did not advance, but did nothing to retreat either. He seemed to be determined to merely wait the young Maou out.
Well, isn't this getting fun.
Time ticked silently by, silent except for the cries of the rising wind.
Conrart finally sighed at the impasse, slow and deep, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders, and for the barest fraction of a second, Josak was sure he was going to cave. But he did not nod, nor agree to Yuri's demands in that soft resonant voice of his, or even turn and mount his horse in a flurry of denial.
Instead, as was perhaps typical, he did the unexpected.
He stood ramrod straight for an instant, and then quite suddenly was slowly sinking down to one knee, until he knelt in the dirt of the courtyard at Yuri's feet, head bowed.
Yuri looked down at him in astonishment.
Josak couldn't help staring a little himself.
"C-Conrad?"
"Yuri," Conrart intoned in the softest of voices, and did not raise his head. "I have never truly thanked you properly for what you have done for me ... and for those like me. You have little idea of just how much has changed in not only Shin Makoku, but in this entire world since your arrival here. You cannot possibly know." His head and his voice lowered further. "I ... thank you, Heika. With all that I am, I offer my deepest gratitude." He fell silent for a moment, and Josak could see his shoulders shake minutely as he fought for control. "I have so long wanted ..." He stopped. "Words can do no justice to how thankful I truly am." He paused, and Yuri just stood there, mouth agape, and midnight eyes wide and flickering in the torchlight. "I have already offered you my fealty and my life, Heika, for now, and for all of my days. But beyond this oath, I swear to you that anything you ask of me, I will give. I will always put your interests first and foremost in my duty, and in my heart." Josak caught his breath. It was extraordinarily rare for Conrart to express such deep-seated feelings so ... so verbally like this. Yuri seemed to realize this as well, and his expression of shock had not faded, only changed. "My arms, my life, and my heart are all yours, Yuri. And I swear to you that I am yours. Always, until the very end of time." Yuri swallowed hard and couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from the man kneeling before him. Neither, Josak found, could he.
He could see that Yuri was shaking slightly, and he reached slowly forward to touch Conrart's brown hair with trembling fingers. As if in response to the touch, Conrart looked up, and met Yuri's gaze and held it, unspeaking, for an endless moment.
"Conrad ..."
And then Conrart's jaw tightened, and he finished. "But I will not do anything to endanger your person, Heika, not if it is possibly in my power to prevent it. This is not a mission on which you could do any good. You asked me once to trust you, and I do. With all that I have, with my very being. But I ask you now, to trust me." His voice changed in pitch, and his eyes darkened. "Trust me to carry out my duty, and your command, and your vision, Heika. To the very best of my ability I will do so." He paused again, and his gaze was very intense. "Please, Heika," he said softly. "Trust me." And as if he himself could not endure the intensity of their locked gazes any longer, he dropped his head again, and when his voice sounded out again it was as the barest of whispers. "Let me go."
There was a ringing silence in the courtyard, with only the rising wind blowing the flames of the torches with a roaring hush and the rustling of hair and cloaks to break the spell. Josak found that he was holding his breath.
Yuri's face was unreadable in that moment, and that too was a rare thing, as unusual and nearly as shocking as Conrart's deep-seated revelations of the heart.
Then in a low voice, Yuri finally spoke.
"I can't."
Conrart raised his eyes again at that, his expression one of surprise, anguish, and strangely, fear, all at once. Yuri let his hand fall from Conrart's hair, and looked away into the darkness. He no longer looked determined, but defeated. His words were soft, and weighted beyond telling. "I can't ever let you go."
Josak watched Conrart's throat move. "Yuri ..."
Yuri drew in a deep breath and then turned back to face him. "But I do trust you, Conrad. With everything in my being."
Conrart blinked. Yuri gazed down at him for a moment and then, mouth tight, he whirled on his heel and stalked away into the middle of the courtyard. He stopped, back stiff, facing away from them.
Large, cold raindrops began to fall in a scattering wave in the wind, and the sound of Conrart's sword clanking lightly in its scabbard as he slowly rose to his feet and straightened to his full height was the only noise to be heard above the keening wind. Josak looked down at him, mesmerized with how the wind-torn flickers of firelight cast strange patterns of light and shadow across his face.
Shinou, this is ...
Conrart still did not move, watching Yuri's back with a myriad of things Josak could only guess at chasing the shadows in his eyes along with the reflection of the guttering torches.
Yuri finally huffed out a breath, though he did not turn back around, refusing to look anymore at Conrart, his arms hugged tightly around himself. His anger and disappointment were evident, but there was something else there as well, of that Josak was sure. Something deep and indefinable. Something changed.
"Well?" Yuri now demanded, his voice somehow terribly loud and yet incredibly small at the same time. "Are you going to ride out the storm?" He paused. "Get going, why don't you."
Josak winced. He chanced a look back down at Conrart, whose face bore traces of such deep sadness that Josak sucked in a breath again at the sight. Then he thought he must have imagined it for the next instant there was nothing but a blank mask, the fine features set as stone.
"Wolfram," Conrart called out, although his gaze did not lift from Yuri's unyielding back. Josak hid a grin at that; not much could get past his Taichou!
He saw the edge of a blue sleeve jerk slightly in the shadows, and after a moment, Wolfram himself appeared, boldly stepping into the courtyard proper as if he'd always meant to stride through that way, although Josak could see his eyes glittering and his conflicted expression, no matter how he tried to assume an air of slight scorn.
"Would you please escort his Majesty back to the castle, Wolfram," Conrart said quietly, his eyes not leaving Yuri's stiff silhouette. "Please ensure that he gets dry and warm, if you would."
Josak knew that Wolfram would hear the unspoken request underlying the words. Please keep him safe. He wondered if Wolfram realized that Conrart was essentially giving Yuri over to his care.
For his part, Wolfram eyed Conrart for an instant and opened his mouth, but then hesitated, his gaze turning towards where Yuri stood immobile. After a moment, he nodded solemnly. "I'll see to it that the wimp won't catch cold." Josak was certain that wasn't what he had been about to say. And then Wolfram's green eyes turned back to Conrart, almost accusingly, and Josak could practically hear the "And who will make sure you don't get sick too, you stubborn idiot?" Of course, Josak may have been biased with that speculation by his own thoughts, as the rain increased its tempo and force into a true downpour and the gusting wind turned downright bitter. He turned up the hood of his own cloak, and watched as Conrart did nothing to protect his own head from the elements.
Conrart, Conrart ... he sighed to himself. The more things change ...
The rapidly-being-soaked-to-the-skin stubborn man in question now reluctantly tore his gaze from the silent Maou to meet Wolfram's direct gaze, and allowed a brief smile to lighten his grim features. "Thank you." Wolfram held his tongue with obvious effort and gave a dismissive little shrug. But Josak noticed how his eyes turned immediately back to Conrart when he looked at Wolfram searchingly for a moment, his brown eyes curiously gentle. "And please inform Gwendal of our departure, if it's not too much trouble."
Wolfram shrugged again as if it didn't matter to him one way or the other. "It's not."
Conrart gave a slight nod, and his smile faded slightly. "My thanks, Wolfram."
Wolfram opened his mouth and then closed it again.
Conrart cast another look at Yuri, who still refused to turn around and look at him or speak anything further, and for an instant the soldier's eyes were unguarded, sad and weary. Then he abruptly turned in one swift movement, and strode resolutely back to his horse, whom he mounted with his usual deliberate grace, even though Josak could easily see the knotted muscles in his exposed neck, slick with rainwater.
He did not glance back again.
"Let's go, Josak."
For all of Conrart's stern and unyielding exterior and for all of Yuri's silence, very little could be more plain in the darkness of that courtyard, Josak reflected.
He sighed, and gathered his own reins as Conrart wheeled his horse about and headed for the gate amidst a clattering of hooves on cobblestones.
The kiddo's upset, and the captain's upset, and even Wolfram's not happy, and could there ever be a more auspicious departure for a mission than this?
He winced at his own thoughts as the memory of another fateful departure loomed in his mind's eye for a heart-stopping moment, and cerulean petals rained down in his memory instead of droplets of water.
He shivered, and spurred his horse on.
Forget I just thought that.
Conrart was nearly under the porticullis when a young voice rang out.
"Conrart!"
Josak saw Conrart rein in his horse slightly, although he did not turn back around. Josak did though, to see Wolfram stepping forward, his eyes ablaze as he focussed on his brother, though he stood even more stiffly than Yuri.
"You'd better make sure you come back in one piece, Lord Weller!" Wolfram now shouted, voice fierce and higher than the moaning wind.
Josak could see Conrart hesitate before his mouth softened for an instant and his head tipped forward in a short nod, and then in a flurry of hooves and windswept cloak, he was gone.
Josak slowed his horse down and looked back over his shoulder at Wolfram. "Awww, that was sweet, Lord von Bielefeld," he couldn't help but tease. "Are you all worried about your ..."
"Shut up!" Wolfram yelled, though his face had flushed red again. "I ... I just won't stand for my fiancé to be unduly distressed. That's all!"
"Of course. But don't you fret, Kakka ... my offer still stands."
Wolfram blew out a breath in annoyed indignation, and then swiped the rain-plastered hair out of his eyes, and Josak could see what he really felt behind them. He smiled. Then he glanced over at Yuri, who, to his surprise, had finally turned around to stare despairingly out the empty gate into the storm-tossed night. His expression was no longer stony or set, and his eyes found Josak's, and it seemed for a moment that the entire world was visible in his dark and anguished gaze.
And the message in them to Josak was crystal clear.
Take care of him, Josak. Please. Bring him home.
And Josak knew his own response was equally clear as he nodded gravely, and met that pleading, heartfelt gaze with an assured one of his own. I always do.
And then he had turned his own horse into the wind and rode out, heading for parts wild and a destination uncertain. But one thing he knew was sure; wherever he went, no matter what danger awaited, no matter how far he travelled, it would be at Conrart's side. Always.
There was never any doubt about that.
---
"Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
And call upon my soul within the house;
Write loyal cantons of contemned love,
And sing them loud even in the dead of night;
Halloo your name to the reverberate hills,
And make the babbling gossip of the air
Cry out! O, you should not rest
Between the elements of air and earth
But you should pity me."
- Twelfth Night
A.N.: With regards to the title, in Shakespeare's time, willow trees were often used symbolically to represent unrequited love.